Literati make a living by writing, and they are much more mean than us normal people. People in the Tang Dynasty were famous for their poetry, and their writing skills were a peak in the history of Chinese writing. How were they mean?
Let’s start with Changsun Wuji. This man is Li Shimin's eldest brother-in-law and the number one contributor to Lingyan Pavilion.
Still photo of Changsun Wuji
But his appearance does not dare to be complimented. It is not known what he looks like, but it can be seen from the stories of people in the Tang Dynasty.
There was a supernatural being named Jia Jiayin, who became famous in the court at the age of seven. Changsun Wuji and Li Ji saw him and deliberately teased him. Changsun Wuji pointed to the locust tree next to him and asked, "What kind of tree is this?" "Jia Shentong said the pine tree.
Everyone was stunned. Isn’t this a locust tree?
Jia Shentong said: "You are the Duke of Lai State. You match the wood with the public tree, so naturally it is a pine tree!"
Changsun Wuji took a look and repeated the old trick and pointed to a tree. The locust tree said: "Then what kind of tree is this?"
Jia Shentong said: "The locust tree!"
The prodigy and Zhangsun Wuji
Changsun Wuji I was stunned. He was the Duke of Qi, and his title did not need to be lower than that of Li Ji. Why wasn't he a pine tree?
Jia Shentong said: "You are as ugly as a ghost. If you match a ghost with a tree, it is naturally a locust tree!"
Everyone laughed, and Changsun Wuji probably looked embarrassed. , Tong Yan Wuji, he could only smile and give up.
But in the court, Changsun Wuji was not the ugliest. The ugliest one was Ouyang Xun.
Ouyang Xun was a famous calligrapher in the early Tang Dynasty, and together with Yu Shinan, Chu Suiliang and Xue Ji, he was known as the Four Great Masters of the Early Tang Dynasty.
But this Mr. Ouyang has beautiful calligraphy, but he is very ugly.
The portrait of Ouyang Xun is probably based on his calligraphy.
Ouyang Xun’s calligraphy
It is said that the calligraphy of Ouyang Xun is ugly. There is a Tang legend "Bu Jiang Zongbai" "The Legend of the Monkey" talks about his life experience, and it is extremely slanderous to this calligrapher.
It is said that Ouyang Xun's father is Ouyang He, a general in Liang Dynasty in the Southern Dynasties.
General Ouyang is very blessed and married to a very beautiful wife.
He loved his wife so much that he took her with him when he went out to quell the barbarian rebellion.
The journey was successful, but someone saw his wife and was shocked: "Why do you bring such a beautiful wife out like this? There are often gods here who specialize in robbing beautiful women."
< p>Ouyang He quickly sent heavy troops to protect his wife, but his wife was still lost.Ouyang He hurriedly looked around, but couldn't find it. He made up his mind not to go back if he couldn't find it.
So he traveled all over the country by himself, just to find his lover.
Finally, his hard work paid off, and he found his lover in a cave filled with gold, silver and jewelry.
Ouyang Xun’s father is a white ape
His wife told him that the man who captured him was immensely powerful, powerful and invulnerable. You were no match, so leave quickly.
Ouyang He refused to give up and wanted to live or die with his wife.
The wife discussed with him and decided to outwit him.
My wife said that this guy likes to eat dog meat and drink alcohol. Get two dogs and I will get him drunk.
So everything went according to plan, and Ouyang He succeeded, but found that what he had caught was a white ape.
Knowing that he would die, Bai Yuan told Ouyang He that his wife was pregnant and hoped that you could give birth to the child.
Ouyang He agreed, killed the white ape, and brought back his wife. Later, his wife gave birth to a child, Ouyang Xun. Although he looked ugly, his calligraphy was outstanding. It is said that it was because he had half-human and half-life flowing through his body. The blood of the beast.
White Ape
Of course this is just a legend, a slander against Mr. Ouyang Xun.
But it is an indisputable fact that Mr. Ouyang is ugly.
Once Li Shimin held a banquet, Ouyang Xun and Changsun Wuji probably sat together.
When Li Shimin saw these two people, he immediately became unkind. "New Accounts of the Tang Dynasty" said that Li Shimin made everyone laugh at each other.
Changsun Wuji saw the opportunity and said, Doctor Ouyang, I will give you a poem:
The hunched beard is like a mountain, and the shoulders are buried but the head is not visible.
Who painted this macaque on Lin Pavilion?
The shoulders are hunched up like a mountain, and the head is invisible. It looks like a monkey - this corresponds to the story of the white ape. .
Ouyang Xun's talent is naturally not inferior to that of Changsun Wuji. He opened his mouth and said: "I also give you a poem."
"The rope head is attached to the back to warm the crotch." Afraid of cold stomach. It's just because the heart is wet, so the dough is lumpy."
"Suotou" means that Changsun Wuji's neck is thick and short, and the hat directly covers his back, so he is afraid of the whole crotch. "Cold belly" is a mockery of Changsun Wuji's "general belly" which is too big. When he stretches it out, his crotch becomes empty (well, why does it feel like there is something in the words)? Not only did he attack his appearance, he then attacked his soul, saying that Changsun Wuji had such an ugly face because his heart was dirty.
When Li Shimin saw that his brother-in-law was at a disadvantage, he hurriedly came out to smooth things over and said, "Aren't you afraid that other queens will know!"
Li Shimin's stills
This Only then did this farce end.
This time Changsun Wuji learned the calligrapher's vicious tongue. Ouyang Xun also laughed at another prime minister Xiao Yu.
This prime minister is from the Xiao family of the Southern Dynasty. He is a descendant of a famous family. He is the brother-in-law of Emperor Yang of Sui Dynasty and a great hero in front of Li Shimin. He is officially named Song Guogong and is listed in Lingyan Pavilion.
Portrait of Xiao Yu
The strong wind knows the strong grass, the rough wind knows the honest minister - these two poems were written by Li Shimin to Xiao Yu, and the title of the poem is "Gift to Xiao Yu" 》.
But this prime minister was good at martial arts, but his martial arts didn't seem to be very good, and the feathers he shot were weak.
Ouyang Xun wrote a poem "Mocking Xiao Yushe":
The strong wind blows the slow arrow, and the weak hand controls the strong bow. If you want to go up and down again, you should go back to the west and go back to the east.
Land on the ground ten times, holding both hands in the air. If I ask who did this, it should be Song Gong.
It is said that he shoots arrows like the wind blowing, pointing west and shooting east, and shooting back to the ground. It seems that Mr. Ouyang was ridiculed as the son of an ape for a reason, and his popularity may not be very good.
Harlequin
He should learn from Liu Wenshu in the Xuanzong era.
Liu Wenshu was a close minister of Emperor Xuanzong of the Tang Dynasty. He was very eloquent and liked Li Longji very much. But the man doesn't look good, especially his beard, which is probably thick and covers his face, a bit like a monkey.
Once Xuanzong asked an actor Huang Fanchuo to write a poem to tease Liu Wenshu.
After Liu Wenshu heard about it, he secretly gave Huang Banchuo gifts, hoping that he would be merciful and never compare himself to a monkey.
Huang Banchuo accepted the gift and agreed. He gave the poem he wrote to Xuanzong, and Xuanzong burst out laughing when he saw it:
Poor Liu Wenshu, with his mustache and chin and his chin. The face of Wenshu is not like that of a hozen, but the face of a hozen is more like that of Wenshu.
Didn’t you let me say that you look like a monkey? I didn’t say that either. I said you look worse than a monkey.
Liu Wenshu could only sulk.
Liu Wenshu’s beard looks like this
People in the Tang Dynasty seemed to like making this kind of joke, but they were all jokes in person, and some were meant to hurt people behind their backs.
"Chao Ye Qian Zai" said that there was a man named Zhu Qinming who had a big and fat head, and was particularly pedantic and stubborn, so everyone gave him a nickname "媪" - it is said to come from According to ancient books, during the reign of Duke Mu of Qin, a savage picked up a piece of meat and called it "Lao". It was like chaos and had no seven orifices.
This Master Zhu will never understand why he got such a nickname.
Sometimes the joke went too far, and the emperor couldn't stand it and even struck down.
For example, Cui Shanwei was a minister under Li Yuan, the emperor of the Tang Dynasty. His official rank was Zuo Cheng. He was very capable, which caused his subordinates to dislike him, so they made fun of his appearance and said:
p>Cui Ziqu knew Gou, and he was granted the title of Marquis according to the rules. There is no neck on the top of the moustache, and there is no head on the chest
Probably Cui Shangshu is a bit hunchbacked and has chicken breasts, so he is said to be as curved as a hook. It is also said that he has no head on his shoulders and his head is on his chest. forward.
Li Yuan was very angry when he found out and ordered the arrest of the poet. No one dared to laugh at Cui Shangshu's appearance anymore.