Two days ago, I closed the tea shop that had just opened for a year. Oh, no, it's closed down. First, the previous business situation was not optimistic. In addition, due to the recent epidemic, I couldn't pay the rent for the next quarter and closed the store in a hurry. I lost 10w this year.
Now that I don't have a job, my boyfriend's company can't pay my salary for several months, and there are loans that I haven't paid off before, I feel the pressure of life for the first time, so that I begin to reflect on my past and think about my future.
Before the age of 26, it is worth mentioning the past.
In primary school, I was admitted to a key primary school with the third place in the whole school (yes, at that time, our primary school had to take an exam to enter, and it was a written test+interview). Later, when I reached adolescence, I was rebellious and didn't like learning, but I still got the first place in the college entrance examination of 20 1 1. From primary school to university, I worked as a league member, a propaganda committee member, a league branch secretary, a study committee member, and so on. In college, I was still very talented. I formed a girls' band at school, and many people knew about us at that time. I graduated from 20 15, and just after graduation, I entered the internet industry. My monthly salary was 12k, and later it rose to17k ... ...
It seems that the first 26 years of my life were not bad, at least I didn't fail.
At the age of 27, life began to decline.
20 18 June 5438+00, my fourth year as a designer, I am tired of the same life and need to start a new life. So I started my own business, making freshly baked cakes for the first time, and ended in failure two months later. I invested 6w and recovered 2w. 20 19 1 month, my friend and I took over a milk tea shop, which was closed one year later, and each person paid 10w.
I'm almost a junior, and I have nothing but arrears, and all these changes seem to have happened within one year. I should seriously reflect on my past. I have been pretentious since I was a child, and I believe my future must be brilliant. Now I finally know that if I don't change, I will maintain the status quo and do nothing all my life.
A little clever, not practical.
The teachers I met from childhood, whether at school or in interest classes, almost said that I was smart and savvy. In fact, I think so myself, because I can get good grades at school as long as I concentrate on my lectures, and I don't have to spend more time studying at home, and I learn things faster than others, so I became a rabbit in the tortoise-hare race. After being ahead for a while, I began to sleep on the side of the road, while the hard-working people were still diligent.
Three minutes of heat, always a little taste.
I have experienced a lot in these years, whether it is my career or my hobby. Less than five years after graduation, I have worked as a designer, sold jujube cakes, opened a tea shop ... In terms of hobbies, I have studied vocal music, guitar, bass, drum set, practiced calligraphy, dance and Sanda ... which one has achieved something? A: No, actually, we just want to try, and we don't want to delve into it.
I think now, if I can concentrate my time and experience in doing these things on one or two things, plus my clever little brain, I should have made immeasurable achievements by now.
Without good habits, I am still lazy.
The importance of good habits is a problem that I just discovered recently. Some people succeed not by perseverance or self-discipline, but mainly by some good habits. Actually, this has something to do with my parents. I didn't deliberately form some habits since I was a child. There seems to be nothing but washing your face and brushing your teeth every day.
I am still lazy. I'm just too lazy to move, whether it's behavior or thinking. Thinking means that I am too lazy to analyze something, which is a serious procrastination. I will never do it in advance until my eyebrows catch fire. For example, if I turn around this time, make preparations earlier and ask more people, I may recover some costs and start to feel anxious when it is imminent.
The influence of family background
I'm very pessimistic, and I always can't see the future. I live one day at a time. I often say that I don't know which comes first, tomorrow or the accident, so I don't save any money for myself, for fear that I may not be able to play one day. This personality should be related to being with my grandmother since childhood, because her son, my uncle, died of leukemia in his thirties. Since then, she has never been happy, always sighing and always sad. I remember that she often said that she would not live long, and I never felt her happiness around her.
I still feel inferior, because when I was in middle school, my mother always hit me and satirized me. Although she didn't swear, she was absolutely irritating. What she said may have been forgotten for a long time. How do I know that some words may affect me for a lifetime? Because of this, I don't want to have offspring. I don't think I have any advantages, so I don't want them to come into this world and increase the burden on society.
That's it, a 27-year-old me. I haven't decided what to do after that. Actually, I have some ideas, but I'm afraid I can't do it well and I'm hesitant.
The life I yearn for is to be a professional drummer, have my own band, perform everywhere, and shoot short videos to record my life while performing.
In real life, my current drumming level is at most medium, which is far from being a professional drummer. There is no income at present, and I have to pay a high rent in Beijing. If I want to realize my ultimate dream, I will have a hard time now. The scary thing is, I'm not sure if I can develop after learning drum sets. If I get a job now and earn some money, I will definitely regret it in the future. ...