10, I arrived in an unknown village. Here, I try to find peace. After experiencing distant mountains and rivers, my heart is not so eager. At this moment, I don't have to meet anyone or expect anyone. This feeling is really good.
There are no hotels here, let alone industrial and commercial prosperity; Only the old people who keep traditional farming methods and some young children.
Rented a small yard. It is said that the owner of the small courtyard has been gone for more than ten years and the whole family has moved to Shanghai. I didn't see the owner, transferred money from WeChat and paid the contract, and became the new owner here.
After simple maintenance, I can already check in. After some past experiences, I don't ask too much about the environment, so it's already very good.
My name is Lisa. This is the fourth year after I graduated from Southwest University. I resolutely resigned. At the moment, I am 27 years old, alone, determined to stay away from the past, go to a place where no one knows, meet no one, and expect no one.
Some people say that loneliness is an advanced drink. I am afraid of loneliness, but at the same time I enjoy it. I am like this, a lonely contradiction. Walking in this beautiful world, a person dies quietly.
I only have the courage to die after a familiar face, but I don't have the courage to die in this world.
People are always willing to miss the beauty and ignore the pain. My memory is mainly concentrated in my primary and secondary school days-from 6 to 23 years old, from childhood ignorance to youth bitterness, and then to rapid adulthood. Time flies, and those vast memories of beating horses, together with the past, are collected by me one by one.
There was a boy, and I even forgot his name.
In primary school, we were together for six years. When I was about to graduate, I told him that I would go to the junior high school affiliated to County No.2 Middle School after graduation. He's confused. I don't know why he is confused. I just want him to know where I am. I just don't want him to forget me!
We haven't seen each other since graduation, so we are far away. But now I think of him. This feeling is very strange.
In my spare time, I will clear the weeds in the yard bit by bit and plant some flowers that are easy to survive.
The text message in the afternoon showed that there was a new payment. After reading the notes, it is a reward for the results. This is really a wonderful thing. I have resigned for three months, but I didn't expect the school to transfer the money to me.
I used to be a teacher, but when I decided to quit my job and stay away from this industry, I received a little money from a teacher in return. I think I've become a very tacky person. Because of this money, I suddenly don't have so much resentment against my previous job.
I once said that I would never regret my decision. Now I suddenly feel that being a teacher in a village that no one knows is actually quite good. Is this a pity?
I remember that man said in an article that there is dirt in this world. As long as the heart is clean, there is not so much black and white.
His name is Vuliu, and I have even forgotten his original name. This is his pen name. Among the books that have accompanied me for many years, there are several magazines with such names.
I think his heart should be extremely clean!
Winter goes and spring comes, and spring warms bloom.
In this way, I spent the bleak autumn in this yard alone and endured the severe winter. Spring has finally come, and bloom in the flower bed is falling apart. I really can't be a delicate person. These flowers and plants grow naturally, and I make them into a mess.
On the phone, Li Xiao's head flashed. Li Xiao is my college classmate and roommate, and we have little contact after graduation. I answered the phone in surprise. She said on the phone: Sister, come and pick me up, I'm coming to your school!
I asked her what was going on. She said that she was admitted to the school before I resigned. I can only tell her faintly: I resigned and left Bincheng for several months.
Li Xiao said to me strangely: You really resigned. Many people want to go to such a good school, but they can't. Where are you now? I'm here to play with you!
I sent her a position on WeChat, and I'm sure she won't come. Therefore, I said defiantly: You come, I will wait for you!
A few minutes later, I saw her on WeChat and said, Shit, it's so far away and so biased. I'm more sure she won't come.
So, this thing that I didn't take to heart soon faded, and the days were still bleak.
I cherish these clean years very much. I have a peaceful mind. I don't need to meet anyone, and I don't need to expect anyone. I tried to recall that school. Leaving is the best farewell.
During this time, I am relaxed and relaxed, and I am lazy and alive. It is a sense of freedom that I have never felt before.
I don't know if my childhood was depressing. I don't even know if I have a childhood.
My parents separated when I was very young. Dad has gone away, and he is not in my memory. My mother teaches in County No.2 Middle School, ten kilometers away from Bincheng.
Before the age of six, they were probably together, but the constant quarrels and broken pots at home made me deliberately forget this memory. So as long as I can remember, I've followed my grandmother.
Grandma is also a teacher. In that remote village, decades passed like a day. I followed my grandmother in primary school, and I walked behind her, and the wind and rain continued.
When I was a child, I always wanted to grow up quickly. When I grow up, I don't have to drag my grandmother down. Grandma said: study hard so that my mother will be happy and closer to her. I don't know if I work hard. Before the sixth grade, I was almost first in my class. But every time I see my mother, she is still unhappy.
In that remote primary school, there are fewer and fewer people in the class. They don't have glamorous clothes or delicious food, but I envy them, at least they have their parents with them.
And I'm just a person, and I always seem particularly lonely. So I really worked hard to stick to my small goals and had a different sense of maturity from them.
There is a person like me, who is also a person-my parents work outside all the year round, with low eyes and soft heart. In my heart, he is my best friend. Although not much is said, most of the intersections are focused on the discussion of some application problems and the ranking after the exam.
Like me, he has yellow hair.
Like me, he misses the past and grieves for autumn.
In primary school, we were together for six years. When I was about to graduate, I told him that I would go to the junior high school affiliated to County No.2 Middle School after graduation. He's confused. I don't know why he is confused. I just want him to know where I am. I just don't want him to forget me!
I haven't thought of these things for many years. Long-term memory is more likely to touch those soft nerves, making people unable to walk out for a long time.
These days, I gradually learned to record my feelings in words. So I will think of him and our childhood; I will think of his words, and I will think of my feelings when I chased his words in high school.
I don't know if he has anything to do with choosing a major in Chinese language and literature. At least, during this period of healing, I have the same hobbies as him.
The article I wrote will be posted on a literary APP. A few years ago, I would never have thought that as a girl who graduated from the Chinese Department of a normal university, she would one day hide in a small unknown village, write some words of self-pity and live a life without desire or desire.
In recent days, some messages appeared after my article, some of which were warm and some made me laugh. I seldom reply, but my heart is full of joy. I finally understand why he is so obsessed with words.
It's just that I haven't heard from him. I haven't heard from him since high school. He just evaporated from my world and only existed in my memory, which is actually quite good.
It suddenly occurred to me that there was a letter I wrote to him but didn't send, which was placed on my bookshelf and among magazines.
In April, Tomb-Sweeping Day.
My mother called and asked me if I wanted to go back to pay homage to my grandmother. I said, I'd better not go back. Once I go back, my grandfather will feel uncomfortable and my uncles will worry about my future. Mom sighed on the phone, as if talking to herself: Take care, mom can't go back.
After that, my mother felt guilty about me. She always felt that she influenced my choice and eventually got hurt. In recent years, my mother has lived with others, and we have been away from each other, even in a city. I understand her helplessness, so I seldom disturb her life except pretending to be her silently in my heart.
When I am in the yard, I will drink a cup of tea, read a book and enjoy a mild afternoon. I heard a familiar voice outside the hospital. I looked around and it was her.
Li Xiao dragged her tired body and looked embarrassed, but she was very happy when she saw me. She shouted, it's too difficult for me to find you. Look who I brought you!
Following her instructions, I saw a man not far behind her. This is Tim Zhang. He confessed to me when he was a sophomore, but he was friends for two years.
Li Xiao hurried to take a bath. During this period, Tim Zhang was drinking tea alone in the yard, and seemed a little nervous. Li Xiao and I were chatting in the attic.
I asked Li Xiao: How do you know him?
Li Xiao: A few days ago, I chatted on WeChat and accidentally mentioned you, so he followed me. You heartless bastard, you have been chased for six years. Everyone else is fine. Anyway, you are still alone now. Think about it.
Me: considering what, I have no feelings for him and can only be friends.
Li Xiao: That's why I said you were bored. It takes a lot of emotion. He has good conditions and is deeply attached to you. I promised him a long time ago
Me: Then you promise, I am completely desperate for feelings, so let me die alone!
Li Xiao: Go to hell and die alone! Leave him alone. Tell me about your job and why you suddenly quit! When I was at school, those people deliberately avoided talking about you. What the hell happened?
Me: I don't want to talk about it. What about you? What grade are you in now?
Li Xiao: I didn't find out until I went there. Actually, I went to take your place. It was because you resigned that you hired me. Maybe what I'm doing now is what you did before, and I taught you the previous two classes. The students miss you very much. Knowing that you and I are classmates and girlfriends, you clamored for me to tell your past stories.
Me: Thank you for telling me this. I warn you, stay away from Wu Yuanli and leave him alone.
Li Jiao's heart was full of doubts, but she saw that I was in a wrong mood and didn't ask any more questions. She just nodded obediently.
These three days, my yard has finally become popular.
Li Xiao is interested in my flowers and plants. She bought tools from the market and decided to take care of them for me. I have no problem with that. This woman is careless, but strives for perfection for herself and her surroundings.
She said there was a puppy missing in my yard. I can't do it well. I am a person who can barely take care of myself, let alone take care of small animals. Li Xiao said that she must take a dog during the summer vacation. I believe this.
Compared with Li Xiao, Tim Zhang seems unaccustomed. He seldom talks, which is completely different from his college days.
I remember that summer, Tim Zhang stood downstairs in my dormitory, holding flowers, greeting every sister in my dormitory, but ignored me. Just as I was wondering who he was going to confess to, he suddenly came up to me and said loudly, Lisa, I like you. Can you be my girlfriend?
I didn't refuse or promise. In the noise of the crowd, I told him with flowers: being a friend is more comfortable than being a girlfriend! Then I turned and left him alone in the wind.
I met him six months ago.
On an elective course, he sat next to me and asked me to borrow something from the east and the west with a smirk. After class, he asked for my QQ on the grounds of returning my pen. I know this method is particularly cliche. I didn't poke him, so I wrote a number that I didn't usually use.
He has slender fingers, clean face and handsome appearance, which is liked by many girls.
From then on, he often came downstairs to my dormitory, and when he met me, he would give me some gadgets at will. I am puzzled by his enthusiasm. I didn't keep in touch with him until he gradually got acquainted with his sisters in the dormitory.
It was not until he finally confessed to me that I suddenly found that he had been by my side for half a year. I have a natural fear of feelings. He's nice, but not the kind that moves me.
I was really scared that day. I tried to calm down. He is a very nice person, so I can't hurt him. I just said to him: being a friend is more comfortable than being a girlfriend!
I think he has understood what I mean. From then on, he stayed with me as a friend, not far away, and I was very moved.
By the time I graduated, I had been admitted to the best high school in Bincheng. He stayed in Chongqing for his family.
He came to see me off the day I left. I looked at the scenery drifting away from the window and the crowd gradually dispersed, and I felt a burst of sadness inside.
When the bus pulled out of the station, I saw him standing on the overpass and waving to me. I didn't hear him shouting through the window. The speed of the car is getting faster and faster, and his figure is getting farther and farther, and finally disappears in front of him.
Since then, my work has become more and more busy. He calls me occasionally, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Time is in a hurry, and busy work makes me almost forget his existence.
Until, we stopped contacting. Until I fell into one trap after another.
Three days later, Li Xiao and Tim Zhang are leaving.
Li Xiao hugged me and cried like a pear flower with rain. In fact, she is not an emotional person. I think she probably blamed me for the grievances and difficulties at work. I patted her on the shoulder and said in her ear, stay away from Wu Yuanli and leave him alone. I felt her nod.
After a long time, she cried and laughed. She said, you are fine here, wait for my summer vacation.
I read sincerity from her words. People are amazing. During the four years of college, we lived together almost every day, but the relationship was not far away. In just three days, our friendship suddenly sublimated and we were deeply attached to each other.
I smiled and said to her, well, you are fine, too. I'm waiting for you to come!
I put my four-year lesson preparation records and some teaching insights in her box. I hope she can use it and say goodbye to the past completely.
The afternoon after they left, I received a short message from Yan Hao.
He said: I haven't seen you for years. I don't know what you've been through. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I was sad when I left. I have a lot to say to you, but I can't say anything. I missed you so much when I was away from you all these years. I still can't control my feelings for you. I love you. Can you accept me?
I paused. Those past events reappeared before my eyes.
He's really nice. By rights, I should accept him. He is sunny and clean, he was born in a happy family, he is handsome, and he deserves me. Aren't these reasons enough?
But what am I hesitating about? I think, maybe he is really too good for me.
I replied in the short message: Sorry, I can't accept you. It's my fault that I didn't explicitly refuse you for so many years. You are very kind, but I don't deserve your kindness.
Tim Zhang: Is there always a perfect person in your heart, so no matter how hard I try, I can't impress you?
Me: I can't stand you, not because I live a perfect score in my heart. But because I just can't get full marks like you.
Tim Zhang: Thank you. Actually, I tried for the last time. My parents urged me countless times. A colleague at school is very kind to me. Sorry, I can't wait for you!
Me: I bless you.
I looked at the message and felt very lost. The man who loves me, he will never come again!
My life is back to normal.
Knock on the keyboard occasionally and write some words. Most of the time reading, staring blankly. There was really nothing to do, so I dug up the open space at the door and sprinkled some vegetables. I don't expect them to grow up, just follow fate.
It is this fate that after more than twenty days, they grow lush. This gives birth to a little joy in my heart.
There is also a little joy, from the APP that often posts. After my article, there will be a reply that goes deep into my heart. I went to see his sketch, which is also my favorite type.
We occasionally share each other's writing experience through the information in the station. I feel that in a vast virtual world, I suddenly found an approximate soul, and we can read each other; We don't have to meet, but we will always be together.
This reminds me of a common willow tree. I think he should be as clean as a common willow.
Such time always passes quickly. It's already July, summer vacation. But I didn't wait for Li Xiao. I am waiting for her call.
She cried on the phone. I asked her what was wrong. It was a long time before she whispered, Lisa, I didn't take your advice. I was hurt by him.
I asked, did that beast attract your attention?
Li Xiao "well", "well" make me deeply grieved. The anger and pain in my heart overcame me instantly. I thought I had said goodbye to the past completely, but Li Xiao's "Hmm" reminded me that the past has always been there.
I said, what are you going to do? Do you want me to accompany you?
Li Xiao said quickly: No, no, no, I know you. These things are too cruel to you. You are such a simple person, don't go near this dirty place and this dirty person again. I'll take care of it myself, believe me. I won't let him feel better.
I said, well, come and see me when you are free.
Hanging up Li Xiao's phone, I cried hysterically.
For the next few days, I lived alone.
It was not until one morning after the rain that the air was humid and the hot air turned cold that my mood gradually improved. I only saw a lot of news when I opened that APP.
He sent all these messages.
He said, are you okay? I haven't seen you for two days. You are more cultured. Are you busy?
He said that it was the third day. Did something happen to you?
He said: the fourth day, you still haven't written much, will you come back? I wrote a novel about my past. Will you watch it?
He said: On the fifth day, if you come back, I will definitely add you to WeChat. Because you, like my childhood friend, walked deeply into my heart.
He said: On the sixth day, I was waiting for your reply.
I looked at his words, and my heart was warm. After that pain, I ignited my expectation for a person for the first time. I even look forward to meeting him.
I sent my wechat in the station information; Then tell him that I'm still here. I just experienced unspeakable pain, but I'll get better soon.
I received a stranger's Friend Request at night. I guess it's him.
A quiet avatar, the circle of friends is blank. After that, I asked him: Are you a fool?
He said, it's me! I finally got in touch with you. Can I laugh?
Me: Haha, laugh all you want, I can't hear you anyway!
He said: What are you sad about? Say it to make me happy!
Me: I said, I feel uncomfortable if you are happy; If I don't say it, I feel bad if you feel bad. Anyway, I feel uncomfortable, or you accompany me to feel uncomfortable, I'd better not say it.
He said, well, don't embarrass yourself. The past will pass eventually. There is dirt in this world. As long as the heart is clean, there is not so much black and white.
Me: Have you always been like this? The first sentence was a joke, and the last sentence was suddenly so serious. I'm not used to it! Hey, this sentence, how so familiar?
He said: I am familiar with it, whatever! I wrote a novel the other day and wanted to show it to you. Take care of yourself later. Don't forget, you can always micro me when you want to find me.
I tossed and turned in bed and couldn't sleep. I always think of that sentence. It suddenly occurred to me that on my bookshelf, in that magazine, this sentence came from an article called Vuliu.
The vulgar willow in primary school, we were together for six years. When I was about to graduate, I told him that I would go to the junior high school affiliated to County No.2 Middle School after graduation. He's confused. I don't know why he is confused. I just want him to know where I am. I just don't want him to forget me!
I don't know if he has forgotten me, but I only know how strongly I feel that he is by my side at the moment.
I took those magazines off the shelf and opened those familiar and unfamiliar words; Open the APP again and select the fool's home page. I compare them word for word. I know this night, I will stay up all night.
In August, I had a heated chat with a fool on WeChat.
I saw my name in his memory novel as I wished. This confirmed my guess.
I dare not video with him, I have forgotten what he looks like. I don't think he will remember me either. That's it. I am very satisfied.
I am completely indifferent to the past. I've been here for almost a year, but I also have the idea of returning to Bincheng.
Call Li Xiao, her tone is very cold. She said, Lisa, I'm glad you came out. There's something I'm not going to tell you. I'd better tell you now. You can put the past behind you. I'm married, with that guy He left two months ago, two apartments were transferred to me, and his work was transferred from grade director to logistics. I told you, I won't let him go, for you and for me.
I'm not surprised at this. I knew Li Xiao was such a person when I was in college. I just have some heartache for her.
I said to her carefully: thank you, be good!
She said: in the future, we will not contact. You should be okay, too!
Before the phone hung up, I heard her choke.
I decided to confess to him.
On the night I returned to Bincheng, I sent him a WeChat.
I said: I like you, let's meet!
He said: You like me. You're kidding. I am an old hat. I am ugly. Then I won't scare you.
I said: I like you, not because of how good you are, but because I just needed you when you appeared in my life. Therefore, you are the most perfect person in my heart.
He said: I like you too. Only you, like my childhood friend, came into my heart deeply. However, we are thousands of miles apart.
I said: thousands of miles apart, isn't it in Bincheng? Tomorrow afternoon, next to the Jiangmen Pearl, I won't leave without you.
He said: You, you, you, how do you know me? ...
You can feel his surprise through the screen. Yes, he is such a stupid person. Compared with Tim Zhang, he is not perfect, but he is a perfect mark in my mind.
I wrote on WeChat word for word: See you this afternoon because I am Lisa.
Wen | Guo
Figure | Guo