A lesson in philosophy of life
A straw shoe hit the wall.
The city of Kunming, covered with a yellowish sunset, lies on the plain surrounded by mountains and peaks, as if with a lonely smile.
I came down from the distant mountain peak, with a small burden on my right hand, wandering blankly on the dim west street.
It was the autumn of 1925, a cruel autumn in a foreign country.
Although the people in the mountains used up the last penny last night, they had to find a place to stay that night. What would be the result of that stay? Don't imagine for the time being.
In a chicken hair shop selling tea on the pavement, I walked in leisurely.
Putting my luggage on the counter, I was led into a small room in the dark by a clever boy who bullied the country people. There is only one bed in it, and a roll of dirty bedding is wrapped around a person who sleeps during the day, revealing a head with two inches of long hair.
The monk shouted, "Hello!"
The bedclothes that turned from white to yellow and then to black wriggled a few times, sticking out a yellow face with a pointed chin, lifting it up, staring at Yao's face unhappily with red eyes at two corners, and moving towards me again.
"You two sleep in the same bed!" As usual, Yao Si waved his hand and left.
The person who slept "well" still fell down, and the yellow face with pointed chin was buried in the bedroll.
I sat helplessly by the bed.
I'm not surprised to sleep in a bed with a stranger. When I was wandering in Dongshan District of Yunnan, I had the opportunity to smell the ignorant for many nights. It's very common now.
The room is brighter than when I first went in.
On the smoky yellow powder wall, the crooked words written by the guests with charcoal are also very clear.
There is a lot about "people who go out without their families ...". But I haven't eaten all day, and I really can't admire the good things made by these people who are full and supported.
I have to find something to fill my stomach, but I still don't know how. I just instinctively want to go out and look for it.
I dragged my slightly sore legs around the street, like a retired soldier who went to the front.
The sound of side dishes in the restaurant and the strong smell of oil smoke in the street tempted my tongue, slipped and licked my upper and lower lips twice, although my eyes were already ready and I didn't look at the pavement hung with beef and pork.
At this time, my desire is not great. Eating three baked wheat cakes or a pile of dried beans is enough.
I walked slowly down the street, walking towards those guys who were making bread pavements in a hurry, and the sleepy food stall and the eagle-eyed old woman. From time to time, greedy water comes out of my throat and I swallow it one by one.
The story of a beggar who ate a biscuit three times flashed through my mind like lightning.
The thing is this: He, a beggar in rags, was so hungry that he jumped to the biscuit stand, grabbed two or three cold biscuits, turned and ran, took a quick bite and choked desperately. By the time the boss called angrily with a rolling pin in his hand, he had finished one of the three mouthfuls.
This story evokes two different voices in my mind:
A sarcastic tunnel: "Do you have the ability to swallow a cool sesame seed cake in three bites?"
The other replied sadly, "No!"
More ironically, he said, "No? Then you deserve to starve to death! "
After eating, the person who had no money to pay the bill took a bench and put it on the owner's head to show it in the street. He also recalled that the location seemed to be in Chengdu. I don't know how the boss in Kunming treats a freeloader, but I don't think it's easy to let him go.
Sometimes I have a growl in my stomach, which is simply bullying me. I'm going to do this in my mind: be an imposing person, turn my foot into the restaurant and choose the most decent seat. Nasally call the waiter, a big bowl of fat soup, a big plate of beef jerky and a small plate of Chili sauce. ..... eat comfortably.
However, I didn't expect the punishment after dinner to be light, and I was very uncomfortable.
We need to find something to sell. There is something wrong with selling things, and the luggage is still on the counter. It seems inappropriate to sell things in front of the boss. This is not something you can do at night. Moreover, everything that can be sold, except wool and blue shirts, is dirty, and some even have a button or two missing. It is impossible to mend the soles of old women, make diapers for children, fill them with qualifications and let others buy them. As for books, although there are two or three, the corners are all rolled up, which is very bad. Of course, those old people who open broken bookstores will wave when they see it. In short, I can't sell anything I own.
Thinking while walking, my mind is completely confused.
I didn't turn back to the store until the sky like Yantou River gradually turned dark blue and the streets of the city were changed into bright new clothes.
The host family is eating. I quickly put the lamp on my back and swallowed a few mouthfuls.
After you get your luggage, take it to the small room and open it. The man with yellow face and sharp chin who is going to sleep with me tonight has slipped out. I found a pair of exquisite sandals in my luggage, and the knot made of fine wool rope is brand-new.
I went to Kunming from Chengdu. I walked barefoot on the mountain road for more than a month. Because wearing cloth shoes, shoes are easy to rot and uneconomical. Wearing sandals is cheap, but it will wear out the skin of your feet and make walking more painful. So, a pair of sandals bought in Zhaotong were hidden in my luggage and accompanied me for thousands of miles. It was something that could be taken away or discarded at that time, but now it has become a big property of mine. Get the Cross Street auction, and you'll be happy at once.
They stuffed straw sandals in their crotch and walked out of the shop proudly and like thieves. Where the street lamp can't shine, look at the shadows of two policemen and take them out of your crotch. Put on a serious face of a businessman and take the goods to the brightly lit street to find customers.
I immediately thought: how should I phrase it so that people can't see that I'm just auctioning a pair and the price won't break?
This is simply a general rule: the goods in the merchant's shop are as expensive as treasures, and they are really true; When it comes to you and me, when it comes to the auction, although you haven't used it, the price will be reduced by half as usual. I sold these sandals on the street myself, and I must lose money. What else can I say? However, I can't accept the natural situation. I must be smart, even if I pretend. Really, in order to survive, even thieves have to do this if they are forced to starve to death. Around our society, there is no room for good people who show their true colors everywhere. If a sincere good man can live, he needs another new world. If I declare to the shopkeeper that I am hungry as soon as I enter the store and I am not sure about the store's accounts, I really want to sleep on the street and eat the police's sticks.
Based on this philosophy of survival, I asked the rickshaw driver who was resting by the vendor's booth to extend his hands in sandals.
"Hey, do you want sandals? I brought a new pick from Zhaotong. This is a look. Look! Do you want it? "
The rickshaw driver handed the sandals one by one and wiped them under the smelly oil lamp beside the vendor's stall. I put my hands behind my back and watched the expressions of employers like an experienced boss.
A distressed one said, "It's too expensive!"
A chin with a short beard said, "No!"
One leisurely said, "Why don't you wear our linen sandals!"
This business is really hard to do, and I'm a little anxious. Suddenly, the vendor selling peanuts and peas asked my price: "How much is a pair?"
"How many pairs do you want?" Make it look like I've sold hundreds of pairs of sandals, and then ask, "More, let's lower the price a little. Just buy a pair, 400 yuan! I bought it at this price, and I'm not cruel. I want to shout higher, but I'm afraid of losing my good customer.
"Hey, a little more money is enough to buy a pair of cloth shoes! How can it be so expensive? " The peddler pretended not to see the goods, looked at the stall, as if silently counting piles of peanuts and peas.
I grabbed the straw sandals and showed them to him, saying, "Look, these are Zhaotong straw sandals!" " "In fact, I don't know why Zhaotong sandals are special in Kunming. I'm just pretending to be an expert.
"No matter you come from Zhaotong, sandals are always sandals, unlike eggs! The peddler grinned at me.
My face, somehow, turned red and left angrily in sandals.
"Two hundred! Do you sell it? " He suddenly made me an offer.
"Three hundred and fifty!" I turned to answer, relaxed enough.
"One for addition, one for taxi, 250." A rickshaw puller ran into the rally.
"That's what he said!" The peddler yelled at me and I stopped.
"Three hundred! Not a few! " Stick to my price.
"Fuck you! Don't. "
I went around and found many customers: rickshaw pullers, porters, vendors and waiters. Like the phonograph, I repeat it many times: when I pick straw sandals ... they look like a pair ... if I buy more, I will reduce the price. But the result was very bad, either 160 or 180, as if they all saw through me and waited to sell sandals before eating.
I have no good idea, so I have to go back to this vendor selling peanuts and peas and sell them at a price of 250. But he took out his face and snorted at me. Maybe the mask I just hung up has been torn off in embarrassment. Therefore, he is acting now. Finally, he "hmm" and said, "No! Don't wear these sandals! "
This really hit a loud wall gong, and I fell and ran.
"good! Two hundred, two hundred! " He caught me like this again.
This is actually 20 words more than 180. These 20 words are of unparalleled value to me here and now. So I sold it to him.
The sauce yellow copper coins (one worth twenty pence) were counted one by one in my palm by his hand, one by one, and one by ten. I was very careful. I threw the copper coins on the step stones one by one to see if there were any dumb boards. -this move is not like a businessman selling goods, but I have ignored these.
At the same time, the rickshaw driver on the side said, "Oh, 200 pence a pair, then we'll take it. Go and get more pairs! "
"Don't sell, don't sell!" I'm a little angry. But the anger soon disappeared.
It's like putting ten silver dollars in a bag, and joy quivers on my lips.
I walked into a biscuit shop, with ten copper coins in my left hand and my right hand reaching out to choose bigger biscuits. Asking about the price. The guy who put the ocean bag in his vest replied, "A copper coin!" " "
I want to use it as twenty coppers, of course I can buy two. Then I dropped one on the stall with a bang, and two yellow hot cakes were in my hand. Just as I was leaving, the man shouted:
"Hey, another copper coin!"
"Well, when you say a copper coin and a cake, do you mean ten cents or twenty cents?" I asked in surprise.
"There are not dozens of coins in the city!" The man's voice has dropped, and he seems to have realized that I am from a distant country.
Another copper coin has been dropped, so I am not so optimistic about the existing property.
I went to sit on the dimly lit step stone and chew cookies in a hurry.
The coolness of early autumn in Kunming swept my forehead with the wings of night.
The first cake, even I don't understand how I choked. Second, I have to chew slowly. Take a bite, and the hot fragrance overflowing from the cake heart has already been smelled. The more you eat, the better it tastes. When you finish, you still want it. I think something is wrong. Like a miserly old man warning his prodigal son, his feelings are real.
I finally couldn't help it, and then I went to another store and bought one. All the property has consumed three tenths, however, it is still not full. However, people are recovering.
I walked angrily into the city center at night, enjoying the freshness of different places, sticking out my tongue and licking sesame cake crumbs on my mouth.
The artery of Yunnan-Vietnam Railway is constantly infused with the blood of the French and the blood of the British ... This mountain city, once the face of a village girl, has become a beautiful Miss De Moder. In her arms, there are different fetuses: meatballs coming out of foreign stores, stepping on the bells of rickshaws, clattering on granite streets, and rushing to places where happiness can be found every night. Those who cast their hungry eyes on magnificent hotels and lively restaurants can be seen everywhere in the streets. Annan, dressed in black and selling bread, walked alone in the crowd with a "foreign baba" Yunnan accent, shook his eyes from time to time and disappeared immediately.
With the property of seven copper coins, I wandered in the street, as if I were not so unhappy.
Go back late at night. The man who wants to sleep with me sits quietly by the bed and smokes. He gave me a gentle look; At the same time, a cigarette was politely handed to me. I saw his hand and neck handing cigarettes, and there were red spots on the black top, which scared me. "Oh, it's no good sleeping with a person with scabies tonight!" Fortunately, the voice that popped up in my heart was endured by my lips, so I politely returned the cigarette. When he accidentally scratched me, my skin was itchy all over. I'm going to ask my boss to change rooms, but he turned me down completely.
My partner who slept with me stayed up all night, scratching his legs, scratching his back, scratching his stomach and scratching his feet. ...
I spent an uncomfortable early autumn night in disgust and fear.
Two rickshaws can't pull.
When you walk to the door of the rickshaw shop, stand up straight and show a little military spirit: in short, give him an impression that he is not disgusting in front of the owner of the rickshaw shop. At the same time, I think I'm pretty sure. As long as I pull up my pants, I will think I am satisfied. When I was a student, I liked playing football. Recently, I walked on the mountain road for almost two months, and my feet and legs really developed well.
Seeing the manager wearing a melon-skin hat and explaining his purpose to him in an elegant tone, he hurriedly asked:
"Can my body pull a rickshaw?"
"Why not? It suits you very well! He had a stuffy nose, coughed and spat, "A child of 14 or 15 years old, an old man in his fifties, is still running in the street with a scooter! "
At first, I was worried that my sick face would give birth to other problems. If he squints and says "you can't", my hand is ready to pull up my trouser legs and show my legs as a guarantee for the final argument. Unexpectedly, the result is so good and natural, and I am very happy.
"Do you know this street? This is-"blushed and coughed a few times. "Very important!"
This is really a big question, which makes me a little difficult to answer. "I ... the street ..." Suddenly increased my courage. "I know."
"Really?" Seeing that my answer seems reluctant, I naturally doubt it.
"I don't know the street, dare to pull a cart?" The threat of hunger forced me to be brave.
"yes! That's good! " He took out a big book that belongs to the category of account books. I picked up a pen and recorded my report to his name, age and place of origin. Then eyes shot a sly light, very solemnly said:
"Rent a car for one yuan a day!" Blow your nose, and the greasy things stuck to two fingers will be wiped clean under the chair where he is sitting. "It doesn't matter, run a few more streets and earn all the money back. Also, if the guest gives you money for the bus ride, whether he is enough or not, you hold out your hand and say,' Sir, a little more!' I'm telling you, it's a magic weapon to find money! "
"Can you rent a car less?" The rent of one yuan this day really scared me.
"This is a certain rule. Forget it if you don't pull it! "
"Well, I pull! I pull! " In order to prolong the desperate life, I completely ignore the current oppression and abuse for the time being.
"Oh, who protected you? Which store is it? " After winning, he asked proudly.
"Oh, I don't have a shop!" I'm a little scared.
"Hum, I didn't find the shop, so I went to pull a cart? Young man, why don't you ask around first? "
"I really can't find the store, I can't help it!" Answer him awkwardly.
"What? What? Can't find a store! " My eyes suddenly widened and I was surprised. I must have been guessed as a bad person in my mind, right? He blushed and coughed several times. "Fuck you! Fuck you! " Wave and turn your head to the other side.
I recoiled a little. The early autumn morning sunshine outside the door rubbed on my depressed face. The sound of the city is spreading under the cloudless sky in Wan Li, but an inexplicable loneliness is sleeping in my heart. I put my hand into my pocket, and the property of the seven copper coins left yesterday still exists, and my pessimism caused by the choked nasal voice just now has decreased. As long as there is charcoal, as a locomotive, I am not afraid to run all day. Looking for a hundred objects, you always meet one. I feel very depressed.
Although I seem to wander aimlessly in every street, my eyes are always willing to see a place where I can find a job unconsciously. At this time, I have no choice. As long as there is a place to live and food to eat, no matter what kind of work, whether it is paid or not, you have to do it.
Originally, I wanted to study in Chengdu, but when I can't continue my studies, I plan to wander around the metropolis of China, and I'd better find a job where I still have time to study every day. Now, not only has everything gone up in smoke, I can't even find a job that can turn cows into horses, but it hasn't made me lose my perseverance; However, the meaning of life struggle has now been deeply branded on the nerve line of every memory of mine.
Walking to Chenghuangmiao Street, according to my past temper in Chengdu, I would go to those new book stores to rummage through the new books on the shelves for half an hour. But at this moment, I feel a little ashamed, because I have the qualification to buy books, and the good time of flipping through books at random in the bookstore is over for me. Now as soon as I walk into the store, my hands and feet will be watched and disgusted by many people's eyes.
Wandering in this street, I suddenly found a sign hanging on the commercial floor for people to read newspapers, so I wanted to go in and have a rest. At the same time, I want to give my brain something to eat, so I completely ignore the identity shown by dirty old clothes.
There is no one in the newspaper reading room made of the small building facing the street, and the guards seem to be out of the street again. Just put some magazines, books and newspapers on the table. One or two beams of sunlight came in through the window. There are bright smiles everywhere in the room. This comfortable little world, just to my liking, can entrust my wandering heart. If only I were the librarian of this newspaper reading room! A certain amount of work every day is roughly sweeping the floor, cleaning tables and chairs, sorting out magazines and clamping old and new newspapers, right? I will do this in an orderly way, and I will be well received by readers. The rest of the time, let me read as freely as a scholar. You can have no salary, but it would be better if you had two dollars of pocket money.
Take a new magazine, look at the cover, look at the title, and ignore its content. When the fingers are turning, they just fantasize about some temporarily stable dreams.
Later, I read the newspaper, and the big-character advertisement for recruiting apprentices from Huaan Machinery Factory jumped into my eyes. The location is said to be a commercial port outside the south gate, where the Yunnan-Vietnam railway ends. At present, the benefits of treating apprentices and becoming craftsmen in the future are seductively talked about; Detailed articles of association must be obtained from the factory office, which seems to describe the benefits more vividly. There's a chance. I remembered the name of the street and the name of the factory, so I went.
It's only two or three miles from the shopping mall to the commercial port outside the south gate, but because the street is unfamiliar, I asked an old man in the east and a child in the west, and I took a lot of wrong roads. By the time I got to the eaves of the machinery factory, my shadow in the autumn sun had shrunk into a pile and squatted at my feet. The factory has just stopped working, and the lead roof under the black chimney and the white steam after the sentry are faintly left. I posted a charter for recruiting apprentices at the gate of the machine factory, so I stood and watched it, and I didn't have to go in and get another one. It says: After the apprentice enters the factory, the accommodation is provided by the factory, which naturally makes me very satisfied. But I'm a little embarrassed to say that it will take three years to get a full teacher's post. However, on second thought, it doesn't matter. Just stay for three or four months or a year or so and change jobs. On the other hand, after the whole division, you must serve the factory. Don't worry about this. I ran away before I finished learning. Are you trying to restrict me with conditions and exploit me with you? It was a dream. While watching, I squinted at the two tables at the factory gate-probably some technicians, drinking and eating, very cheerful. Both the voice and appearance are from Annan, and the way of drinking is very different from that of China. Many dishes have a big bowl of wine in the middle. People here drink it with spoons, which is quite unusual. At the same time, my appetite, needless to say, was disturbed. I think I must have had a full stomach when I went in as an apprentice. However, at present, I can only try to swallow a big mouthful of saliva. Continue to pay attention to look down at the wall, another said, there must be a solid shop-ghost, I whispered a few times. That's not hateful. He followed me and asked for a deposit of thirty taels of silver. It's really irritating Why didn't you make it clear in the advertisement that I ran for a long time and was sweating all over before I felt this bad luck? You dog factory owner, playing tricks on Lao Tzu. I clenched my fist and wanted to teach him a lesson. However, there is nothing to knock on except the dirty and hard wall in front of you. The factory owner, who should have beaten me up to vent his anger, is probably crawling out of the soft bed and lying on another Zhang Huali bed, smoking opium comfortably?
Full of anger, he began to walk aimlessly to a hopeless place again. People are a little tired and feel hungry. I spent two coppers and bought something to eat casually. I think these two small setbacks are nothing. Before my muscles fall into the dust, dragged by wild dogs and eaten by ants, I will struggle and struggle. However, the property of seven copper coins, only five, is a worrying thing. No matter how optimistic you are, five coppers will always be five coppers, which will not increase, but will only decrease.