The following is an excerpt from Chapter 6 of Biography of Akhmatova. Love is like soldering iron and fire;
19 181February, Akhmatova unexpectedly married Khilko, and they held a simple wedding in Vladimir Cathedral. The news of her remarriage soon surprised her friends, and they all had a bad feeling about it. At this point, it can be explained that Akhmatova admired Hileko very much at that time and felt that she should do something for this great scholar, even at the expense of herself. Another point is that she wants to get rid of the embarrassment of relying on others. After all, she stayed at Valeria's house for nearly two years.
During the period of Russia, Khilko worked as a tutor in the home of Count Hill Mei Jie in big noble. Hill Mei Jie's family has a very glorious history. The ancestors of Earl Schell Mei Jie served as the marshal of Peter the Great, and made great contributions to the latter's hegemony. As a reward for his important officials, Peter the Great gave him a piece of land in the center of the city.
Hileiko lived in the wing of this building when she was a tutor. The rooms in the wing are spacious, but a little damp, and there is no heating in winter. After the October Revolution, he still retained the right of residence here. Akhmatova moved into this building after she married Hajlek. This is her first time living in the Fountain House, and she feels very fresh about everything here. The yard is lush with vegetation, and birds fly and sing from time to time. Finally, she has a peaceful home, she thought. A simple-minded poetess would never have expected that she would write such a poem here in the future: "For me, my husband is an executioner and my in-laws are a cage."
Shortly after their marriage, Akhmatova and Hajlek came to Moscow and planned to settle there. But they just found a temporary house to live in, not a job to make a living. Finally, the couple had to return to Petrograd. Hilko works in the Archaeological Institute in Petrograd, and also works as a part-time assistant researcher in Tash Museum in Elmy. As an expert, he got an expert food supply certificate from the government department, so that the rations of the whole family were basically guaranteed. Later scenes proved that Akhmatova's second marriage seemed worse than her first marriage. This can be found in her group poem "Black Dream":
You are always so mysterious and fresh. I am gentler to you every day.
But ah, cold lover, your love makes me feel like a soldering iron and fire.
You forbid me to sing, laugh and even pray.
As long as I can be with you, I don't care anyway
In this way, I no longer understand heaven and earth, live, but no longer sing, as if you have traveled all over hell and heaven and taken my free soul away.
Hilek is a talented person with solid knowledge, but his personality has obvious defects. Long-term tuberculosis aggravated his paranoia. He married Akhmatova into the house, not as an excellent poet, not even as a lover with equal personality, but more as his secretary and his maid, hoping that she would completely obey her will and live and run according to his inertia. It is said that Hileko rudely threw Akhmatova's poetry manuscript into the teapot.
19 18 In July, Akhmatova wrote in a state of extreme mental exhaustion:
Your mysterious love
It made me cry like I was touched. I'm sick, pale, shuffling and stumbling.
Earlier in April, Akhmatova complained in a poem that Hilko was cold to her, unwilling to have children with her, and hated her writing poems. All this made Akhmatova feel as if she had walked into a cold monastery, without freedom and personal will, and was always in danger of being punished. She didn't know what she had done. Still, she said:
It's up to you: it's settled! I will keep my promise and give you my life-sadness will be taken to my grave by myself.
Akhmatova naively thought that if she sacrificed her talent for her husband's success, she might be able to solve the marriage problem that has been bothering her, and there would be no more troubles and contradictions when living with ancient Milev. One nine two. In order to get firewood distributed by the school, Akhmatova worked in the library of Petrograd Agricultural College for a period of time.
In the summer of 192 1, Akhmatova and Hilko officially separated. After separation, the two still maintained a relatively friendly relationship. Because we are in the same cultural circle, we also have many opportunities to meet. Whenever the other person is sick or in trouble, they will not hesitate to lend a helping hand. When Hilko went to Moscow to work and learned that Akhmatova had no permanent residence, he gave her his room key in the marble palace in Petersburg and kept in touch with her.