Aside from the rules, the emotional turn of every sentence is too fast, and there is no euphemistic transition. For example, the first sentence to the second sentence is full of lofty sentiments. Why did it suddenly disappear? There is no cause and effect, and it feels a bit abrupt. From the second sentence to the third sentence, I looked back at the world of mortals immediately after I was ignorant. During this period, my mood changes did not show, and my thoughts were too floating and had no practical connotation. The last sentence should be said to be a summary of all emotions, but it only uses common drunkenness to relieve anxiety and sleepless nights, and fails to form emotional sublimation.
Personally, I read poetry directly, or feel intuitively, and ask the landlord if there is anything wrong.
By the way, although modern poems, that is, quatrains, have metrical patterns, ancient poems do not. In addition, there are many forms, such as Yuefu and folk songs, which do not have to follow the metrical standards. I think expressing emotions is the most important thing ~ ~