Sanmao is a writer. Speaking of her, many people will think of works such as The Story of the Sahara and How Many Flowers Fall in Dreams. People who have read Sanmao's works can generally feel the free and easy, free and lonely feelings expressed in his words.
First, Sanmao's life confusion
Sanmao's confusion in life can be divided into three stages:
1. The "rainy season" stage without luster.
During this period, Sanmao studied at home, hardly went out, made no friends, and lived a dull and monotonous life. In the rainy season, Sanmao's life is bleak.
"Outside the window, there is a broken kite hanging on the telephone pole. When a small wind blows, it swings from side to side ... "
This passage comes from San Mao's work "Confusion" when he was young. This description in the work is actually very similar to Sanmao's real young life. Sanmao's teenager is like a kite with a broken line, confused and at a loss.
2. Colorful desert stage
During the period of living in the desert, Sanmao had a good time. With the care and support of Jose, Sanmao's potential creative talent has been fully exerted. During this period, San Mao created a large number of literary works.
The love given by Jose, the vastness, magnificence and primitiveness of the desert itself, released all the temperament of Sanmao. Sanmao became more free and easy after experiencing nature and life in Qian Shan, so she expressed her ideals through a lot of creation, thus realizing the value of life. Finally, there are many interesting stories, such as hotels in the desert.
3. Lonely life stage
Jose died unexpectedly in diving, which brought a heavy blow to Sanmao. Without her lover, she chose to leave the desert that made her sad and return to Taiwan Province Province. At that time, San Mao often fell into the contradiction between life and death.
San Mao, who lost her spiritual pillar, often felt lonely, and her heart became a dead desert. This loneliness and emptiness are fully reflected in her later works. For example, San Mao once wrote in his work "Fairy Birds":
"The night is so long and dark, and the rain outside the window is a tear in my heart, which will never end ..."
In the long-term inner struggle, San Mao showed great courage. In order to find the meaning of herself and life, she decided to bury her grief in her heart and face life with a positive attitude, facing her relatives, friends and readers around her. However, the good times did not last long. When she came back to reality, she found that reality was still barren. Finally, after many hopes and despair, she chose to die at the age of 48.
Second, San Mao's spiritual feelings
1. Pursuing the free and easy of literati
Sanmao is an extremely emotional writer. She likes to write her experiences or feelings in books and write them down with a pen. In his early years, Sanmao was traumatized and hit at school, and once suffered from autism.
After dropping out of school, with the encouragement of relatives and friends, she went to other countries to study. In this way, she has more opportunities to understand western philosophy and culture, and these life experiences of studying and wandering have become an important source of her pursuit of freedom and freedom in desert writing.
2. Longing for the freedom of the soul
Sanmao likes to wander in different exotic customs, and her preference stems from the traditional rural culture in China. Sanmao's lifestyle often comes from his yearning for nature, and this yearning is only a kind of expression and expression of his spiritual freedom.
Sanmao chose to leave the original superior life and set foot on the mysterious and primitive wild Sahara desert with an expectant heart, which is her pursuit of self-life and soul.
Sanmao's life is lonely, especially in her works. Perhaps, Sanmao does not belong to modern society, and she is more suitable for the life of "taking dreams as horses". Sanmao lingers on the edge of modern society for a long time. When she arrived in the desert, she quickly found spiritual conversion in primitive life. Sanmao writes life, creates literature and seeks the freedom of the soul with fervent emotions in the desert. She interprets life in a unique way.
3. Pursuing the poetry of life
Sanmao likes to wander around the world, likes to wander around the world, and likes to find everything he wants in wandering. In Sanmao's inner vision, the life she wants to live is to have her own pastoral yard, chicken house, vegetable field and farm. It's like what she wrote in the creation of "Dream Field":
"Everyone has an acre of land in his heart, and everyone has a dream in his heart ... what to plant with it, a peach, a plum, a spring breeze and a pear flower in spring."
Sanmao came to the desert with curiosity, expectation and poetry, but far from the noisy Sahara desert, Sanmao really found a rare peace and harmony.
For Sanmao, writing is her soul habitat. During her life in the desert, she found the poetry of writing and life, and this poetry has become a spiritual home that she has been working hard for in her future life.
Sanmao's spiritual world is actually divided into two levels. She wants to live an ordinary life and live in a poetic way. She tried to find a foothold in uncertainty and spiritual comfort in drifting. However, in any case, she is always lonely, as she later said in The Olive Tree: "Don't ask me where I come from, my hometown is far away, why should I wander, wander far away …" She has been alive, happy and moved. She is a wandering dream catcher, a lonely dream catcher.