The title is "Transparent Spring". It is a bit long, but I hope you will read it. It is very moving and beautiful.
Dear Mom and Dad:
Dear Mom and Dad, I am so Thank you for bringing me into this world! In this way, I would also like to thank my grandparents and my parents. The reason why I came to this world is because of your accidental combination. I came here happily, and I believe I will leave happily. I have heard that people who die do so because they hear God’s call, but those who commit suicide leave without God’s call. They are just as guilty as murderers. Haha, luckily I don’t believe in God. People without faith are scary, but now I understand the benefits of not having faith. It can become so easy, so easy, like a feather, flying in the wind, without the burden of life, without the drag of the world, without...but I have you. The feathers leave the wings of the birds, and I no longer miss the birds, but I am afraid that I will miss you... I am afraid that the tears will wet the paper. I remember that when my father just held my hand and taught me to write, I was so stupid and stupid. . Dad shouted in distress, "Honey, we gave birth to a big idiot." I burst into tears after hearing this. This was the first time that tears wet the paper. Mom, you rush over, pretend to hit dad, and say, my good daughter is the smartest. Dad, you apologize stupidly, you are not like a dad at all, you are like a big kid who made a mistake. I'm secretly laughing! Then, you let me ride on your shoulders and asked me to go out and buy candied haws to eat. The candied haws at that time were so delicious that I never ate them again when I grew up. Dad, how long has it been since you took me to eat candied haws? You are really not a good father, but I am a good daughter. I put two large bunches of candied haws in the drawer beside your bed. You and your mother each have one bunch, and you must not steal your mother's bunch. You just like to grab things from me, but I get it every time. Hehe, this is because I am always your daughter, the daughter you love most. My daughter also loves you the most. But...
I really can’t remember when I met Lailai, but I remember how you met her. It was my twelfth birthday. I brought Lailai home, and you were shocked, thinking that I brought a boy back. Dad, your face turned red with anger when you saw me next to Lailai. At that time, Lailai really looked like a boy, so handsome, with very short hair, and walked with a swagger. But after a year, even you said that Lai Lai had changed. Yes, Lai Lai had become a very beautiful girl, and her hair had grown longer, not much shorter than mine. Do you know why I refused to get a haircut later? I told Lailai that you are prettier than me, smarter than me, and more likable than me, so I must have longer hair than you. I'm so unreasonable.
Lailai is very lovable. Dad, you like her very much, but I am jealous. That day, when Lailai spoke, you realized it was a girl, and you burst out laughing. I don’t look down on you in my heart. Can’t I be with a boy? I remember, Lailai said that she didn’t have an ID card yet, otherwise she would have to bring it out to avoid being misunderstood. Dad, your face is red again, this time it’s because of embarrassment.
Lailai sings so beautifully, unlike me who is tone deaf and has a crow voice. Lailai sang happy birthday to me, and I was so happy that I could hardly extricate myself. One more person to bless, and one more world, a small world in the heart. This is the happiest birthday I can remember. Although there are no gifts, Dad is not very good at choosing gifts. Mom knows what I like.
We played very late that night, but I couldn’t remember what we were playing.
I will keep Lailai overnight and sleep with me. But actually we didn't sleep at all that night, you wouldn't know. We hide under the quilt and talk about everything. It's little secrets from childhood, some bad things we did, a little boy we liked, or our future ideals. Lai Lai was hopeless at that time and said that her biggest dream was to marry Andy Lau in the future.
The next day in class, we all slept on our stomachs. As a result, I was pulled to the office by the teacher. That teacher surnamed Wang was really good and bad. She even hit me with a long and thin bamboo stick. I knew it was specially used for beating students. Lailai blocked the second blow for me, but she was slapped four or five times again, all on the thighs. I burst into tears, and the teacher let us go. Before leaving, he threatened us not to tell our parents, otherwise... So, we didn't say anything. I returned to class and was still crying. Lailai comforted me and she hugged me - this was the first time she hugged me. I stopped crying immediately and asked Lailai, do you feel pain?
I don’t feel any pain, she is really weak.
But I know that she is very strong. I smiled at Lailai.
As you know, Lailai and I are inseparable. We go to the toilet and eat together, and sometimes our seats are moved together, but it doesn't last long. Because we always talk, it gets louder and louder without even realizing it, like a radio. Other students did not listen to the teacher and only listened to what we said. After class, they said that we spoke much better than the teacher. But both of us have long forgotten what we said. We always have endless things to talk about, just like sparrows who can chatter endlessly when they are gathered together.
There was a period in the second grade of junior high school. At noon, we always sneaked out of the school and ran to Lai Lai's house. As you know, Lai Lai's house was very close to the school. It only took ten minutes to walk.
We don't eat school meals. There are too many people in the cafeteria and it's noisy. Lailai said that whenever there are too many people and noisy noises, she gets a severe headache. Her parents both went to work, so we cooked for ourselves, but Lai Lai could only cook bean sprouts, and they were very unpalatable. Lai Lai thought I was being polite and pushed hard into my bowl, so I opened my mouth wide and ate it quickly. Swallow it whole. Lailai thought I liked to eat, so he didn't eat at all and put the whole plate in my bowl. I jumped up.
Lailai realized that he was not good at cooking, so he asked me to cook. I can only cook one dish, as you know, scrambled eggs with tomatoes. Dad also loves to eat it and says that the food I cook is particularly delicious. Lailai also likes to eat. So, I kept cooking scrambled eggs with tomatoes for her for a month. Eventually, we couldn't eat anymore. Lailai said that if anyone dared to mention tomato scrambled eggs to her again, she would hit him with a tomato.
Lailai said, Xiaoyu, we have no choice but to return to the canteen.
Well, in the future we must find a husband who can cook.
But if he dares to cook tomato scrambled eggs for me to eat, I will definitely divorce him.
I burst out laughing. We were really scared to eat scrambled eggs with tomatoes. I never knew if Andy Lau could cook, but Lai Lai was going to marry him.
It was the second year of junior high school, and Lailai was already very beautiful. Some boys just like to hang around Lai Lai, and they are annoying to death. Lai Lai basically ignored them. I was thinking that it would be great if I were a boy. Then I could have Lai Lai as my girlfriend. It would be great to have a girlfriend as beautiful as Lai Lai. You can fall in love, and there are already people in the class who are in love. The teacher said they were in love early and brought their parents to school. Lai Lai and I hid outside the office and eavesdropped - this was Lai Lai's idea, but we didn't hear anything. Soon we started crying inside.
In the fall of this year, Lailai received the first love letter in her life, from a boy named Cheng Haihe. We were wandering around the school when he suddenly barged in. Putting this letter into Lai Lai's hand, Lai Lai and I were both shocked and the letter fell to the ground. He picked it up and gave it to Lailai slowly without saying a word, his face was red and he looked very stupid. We looked at him like he was an alien, and he turned and ran away, and we laughed. People next to us must think we are crazy! The letter was very short, and he kept saying that he wanted to make friends with her. His handwriting was ugly, but he tried so hard to write dignified, but ended up reading Tang poetry like those foreigners who are not good at speaking Chinese, and felt uncomfortable.
Lailai didn’t reply to him, so that’s okay. He stood at the door of our class every day. Later, Lai Lai got fed up and ran out to tell him not to come. She didn't like him. He asked why. Lailai thought it was funny, so she pointed at me and said, because I like her. He pointed to a tree and said, I still like it! He thought Lailai was joking, but Lailai was very angry and yelled at him, "Go away and don't show up in front of me again."
He really never appeared in front of us again, and we avoided him whenever we encountered him on the road. Lailai didn't expect him to be so obedient and regretted it. In fact, he could be a normal friend. His background is very sad.
This New Year’s Eve, we spent it together. We each rode our little bicycles and strolled leisurely along the road. Some roads have street lights and some do not. Where there were no street lights, Lailai kept telling me ghost stories. I told her to stop talking, I would be scared. But she didn't listen and kept saying, the more afraid I am, the happier she will be. Later, I started crying. Lailai shut up and said I was really useless. In fact, she is also very useless. She will let me go whenever I cry, regardless of whether I am really crying or pretending to cry. Dad also said that Lailai is much more mature than me and knows how to let me go. But actually I matured before Lailai, this is a girl's thing.
At almost twelve o'clock, we climbed up an overpass. Holding hands, watching a car or two occasionally drive by under the bridge. Lailai said, won’t they go home for the New Year?
Maybe they are rushing home to celebrate the New Year! There are their most important people at home, the ones they love and who love them, waiting for them to go back and set off fireworks together to welcome the New Year.
Lailai nodded and said yes! I still clearly remember the charming smile on Lailai's face, the kind of smile that would not make people cold anymore even if the wind blows.
Then after twelve o'clock, the whole world suddenly became noisy, with fireworks and loud firecrackers everywhere. Those fireworks are so beautiful! My eyes flicker, they have the most gorgeous death in the world, how I long to be so beautiful when I die, even if it is only for a few seconds. Then plant flowers on my grave, so that sleeping underground will no longer be regretful or scary. What do you think? My dear parents, I want to cry again, my tears are rolling, and I won't let them fall. Then the ink will melt and you won't be able to see the words on the paper clearly.
Although the fireworks are beautiful, I am extremely afraid of the banging sound. Lailai said, "Don't be afraid." He stood behind me, leaned against me, and covered my ears with his hands. Then, the world became quiet, except for the blooming fireworks, which bloomed and faded, like a silent movie slowly flowing by. Lailai put her mouth to my ear and sang softly. The breath she exhaled made me itchy, but I liked the soft and warm singing of Lai Lai flowing into that silent world.
I felt so happy at that time, what I saw with my eyes, what I heard with my ears, and what I felt in my heart.
That picture has been frozen forever, and I will take it with me later. Lailai will be happy that I have not forgotten it.
On New Year’s Eve in the next few years, we will all be together with our respective families, because we think there will always be a chance to watch the fireworks together, wander along the road, hug each other to keep warm, and welcome the new year... ...But how do I know that was the only time? I really regret not remembering it more carefully at that time, letting it slip away like this, with a slight melancholy, a touch of happiness, and a faint ambiguity, like a nursery rhyme, and I But he grew up.
After the Spring Festival, it rained for a long time this spring. Dad, Mom, you have been complaining. Dad, you said that the flowers and plants you planted are about to be rotted by the rain, and the ones placed indoors that cannot get sunlight are like suffering from terminal diseases. Mom, you said that the clothes you washed have never been dried and are all hung on the balcony. If you continue like this, you will have no dry clothes to wear and will have to be naked... But I say goodbye to this rainy spring, because I can keep it up with Lailai. Walk around with an umbrella. We were very close, smelling the fragrance of each other, isolated from the world, and listening to the sound of raindrops hitting the umbrella. Our light gray umbrella blended into the gray and dark world, as if we had also blended in and no one could see us anymore. We are not afraid of anything anymore. We are not afraid of seeing other students, seeing teachers, seeing some young people wandering around outside the school, or seeing some aggressive grandparents coming to pick up their children. We are not afraid when we hide under the umbrella. Lailai told me that we are like ostriches with their heads buried in the soil. But we are all willing to be two ostriches, as long as we are together.
In the blink of an eye, in the third year of junior high school, some students began to study hard. They wanted to take the exam for key high schools. But we are still the same as before. As long as we can safely advance to the high school of this school, it is enough. Dad, you kept saying that I didn’t work hard. Do you know why? I was afraid that I would be separated from Lailai, and I felt that I could no longer live without Lailai, but at that time I didn’t know what Lailai was thinking.
In November, the autumn wind blows. Lailai said that like all little girls, I become sentimental in this dim season when the leaves are everywhere. When she saw me motionless and thinking, she would laugh and say, "Our little Daiyu, I will accompany you to find Brother Bao." Then, we stepped on the dead leaves and walked several times around the school. I recall that during the summer vacation, Lai Lai and I were lying on the bed watching "A Dream of Red Mansions". We looked up many parts in the dictionary when we couldn't understand them. Lai Lai cried when she saw Qingwen's death. I also cried several times. Lailai would sometimes recite Qin Keqing's judgment crazily, "Love is deep, love is deep, love is deep, and when love meets, it leads to lust." We like all the daughters in the Red Mansion, but hate Jia Baoyu.
It seems that it was also in November - Dad, you must have been deeply impressed. That time you accidentally hit me because I didn’t study hard. pain. But I am sad. Since I was a child, you have never said a harsh word to me, let alone hit me. So later, you asked your mother to stay at home, saying that you were afraid that when I got home, there would be no one at home. He ran out to look for me and spent the whole night searching.
The next morning, I was squatting at the school gate to find me coming to school. You look very lonely, squatting there smoking, with a sad look on your face, nothing like what you looked like last night. When you saw me, you jumped over and didn't dare to scold me or hit me. You choked and asked me, where did I go last night? You will understand when you see Lailai next to me. Then keep repenting. He said it was all because of Dad last night. But I ignored you at all and walked directly to school, and you pulled me. I tried my best to break away, but the security guard at the door rushed out and said you were my father. I said, I don't know you. As a result, you were pulled away by the security guard. I walked into the school without looking back. You were disheveled and looked like a big gangster. You later said, you heard me say, I don't know you. Your heart is broken.
You are truly the best dad I have ever seen, the most doting dad.
In fact, as soon as I rushed out of the house that night, I planned to go to Lailai's house. When I used to play at Lailai's house, my uncle and aunt always let me spend the night at their house.
When I arrived at Lailai's house, they had just finished dinner. Lailai yelled, why are you here at this time? Uncle asked me if I had eaten. When I didn't answer, my aunt reheated the food, and the family watched me eat a big bowl of rice. I didn't feel embarrassed, maybe I was hungry. My uncle is as kind as my father. He always likes to smile at me, just like my father likes to smile at Lailai. They asked me why I came out so late? I just told the story again, adding some fuel and jealousy, saying some bad things about my father, and my eyes became red. The uncle was filled with righteous indignation and said that he only talked sense and never took action. Lailai was happy that they let me stay tonight. I took a shower and put on Lailai's pajamas and pajamas.
Lying in bed, I remembered when Lailai slept at my house two years ago. I didn’t expect that two years had passed so quickly.
I found that my whole body and surroundings were filled with the smell of Lai Lai, just like a piece of paper soaked in water. I really liked this feeling. I hid in the soft quilt and asked Lailai gently, will we be separated? Lailai reached out and touched my hair without saying a word. But I understand. I put my head on her chest and she hugged me warmly. My whole body was warm and my face started to feel hot. I reached up to her back and rubbed her gently.
Lailai's skin is like silk, I'm so envious!
We didn’t talk as much as we did two years ago this night, we just lay quietly. I couldn't close my eyes until late at night and felt a little sad. The faint moonlight outside the window shines through the thin curtains, shining on Lai Lai's clothes hanging on the bedside, shining on the desk where Lai Lai bends over to read every day, and shining on our warm bed. , shining on Lai Lai's fair face... I looked up and suddenly saw Lai Lai's eyes wide open and his face full of tears. I gently placed my mouth on Lai Lai's cheek. It was cool, not as warm as the body...
We got up very early the next day. We combed each other's hair, Lai Lai used her A wooden comb was used to comb my hair, and then it was tied up with a black rubber band. Then she looked at me intently and said, Yaoyao, you are so beautiful. If I were a man, I would be your lover...
I looked at Lailai's clean and bright eyes, and my eyes were wet, and I told her , I have thought about this a long time ago, I want to be your boyfriend and be with you all the time...
Even if not, we are still together! Lailai smiled quietly and looked out the window again. There is a gray sky outside the window, and the big clouds are also gray, like marshmallows dropped in the mud.
Walking on the way to school, the path paved with stone slabs and lined with sycamores was so sad. We looked up and couldn't see the whole sky. The sky was fragmented by some branches. The withered yellow leaves hanging above are like tears from the big tree, falling suddenly and silently, in the slight, vague autumn wind.
After this long stone road ends, it is the main road where the school is located. There are bustling crowds, busy in the dim light cast by the dark clouds that cannot penetrate the sun.
After school that day, Dad, you are still at the school gate. You let me go back with you. I said, I won't go back because I'm afraid of being beaten.
You said, Dad didn’t mean it, and he won’t do it again in the future.
......
But I still stayed at Lailai's house for two weeks. When you came to Lailai's house to find me, your uncle always told you that if two girls are good, then Let them live together! It doesn't matter, it's not in the way, and Yuyao can't eat much, haha, it doesn't matter. Do you want to stay for dinner? By the way, let’s invite Yuyao’s mother to have a meal together! Where, no trouble, no trouble! That’s it! "My uncle said that he was originally from the cross talk troupe in the factory. I didn't believe it at first, but then I believed it. No one could interrupt when he was talking.
This is the first time that we and I have dinner together. , and it was the only time. You can see that we were very happy that night. Dad, your uncle had been discussing the education of the children. Uncle kept scolding you and said that it was wrong to hit your children. From then on, we all laughed. In fact, you two can only spoil children and spoil us. But Lailai and I love you. Auntie Sou keeps talking about a TV series that is currently on the air. Your two opinions are similar to those of today’s TV series. You can’t wait to scream that you have met your soulmate, but Lailai and I are secretly laughing at you. This TV series is indeed very silly!
It rained heavily in the middle of the night. Autumn rain is always very sad, with the cold autumn wind "tapping" on the glass. On the window. Lai Lai and I looked at each other and couldn't help but laugh. Lai Lai asked me why I looked at her like this. Lai said, it’s great to have such a free time to hide from the rain and have you by my side.
I know that whenever it rains in autumn and winter, Lai Lai will have a slight headache, but she didn’t tell her uncle. Auntie, you just told me. I asked Lai Lai, did she have a headache? Lai Lai shook her head and said she was fine today.
But I clearly saw her frowning from time to time.
Lailai asked me to sing to her, and I sang softly with my broken voice.
But I knew I sang. That's not nice, Lai Lai is such a good liar.
We fell asleep in the hazy words.
We woke up as usual. Combing each other's hair, Lailai suddenly said, if we were biological sisters, we would have been combing each other's hair since childhood. I said, that's not necessarily the case, maybe I won't even braid it, because I can do it with you here. I'm lazy.
The sky is sunny and the ground is full of wet leaves.
The sun is very good when the high school entrance examination is over. We have been sitting on the edge of the playground and almost have a heat stroke. The trees left large shadows. The cicadas were screaming desperately in the trees, and the whole world was dim. There were no people on the campus in summer...
After the high school entrance examination results came out, Lailai and I were admitted to the high school section of this school as we wished. But after school started, she and I were in two classes.
I never told you, my parents, during the high school entrance examination. I felt that I had done very well in the exam, and I was afraid that I would be admitted to the key junior high school that I applied for. When I took the English test, I deliberately left many multiple-choice questions unanswered. Lailai didn’t know this secret either, but I found out the day before yesterday when I looked through her diary. She left the first three questions of each exam paper unwritten.
We were still together after class and school. I didn’t really want to go home, so I wandered around with Lailai. Sometimes we talked a lot, and sometimes we didn’t talk and just walked in silence. Once, there was a big group of people fighting on the street next to the school. They were all older children between adults and minors. They no longer studied and had no jobs, so they always got together to do something. Not uncommon. Lailai and I saw Zi, stood in the distance and watched for a while, then walked away. The next day we learned that two people had died.
When we walked there again, there were only two large pools of faint blood stains left. Because this was near a school, we had already washed them so as not to scare the students, but they couldn’t be washed away. The blood stains spread all the way to the manhole cover on the side of the road. It seems that you can still see the blood flowing in drop by drop quickly, just like the accumulated water from the rain, mixed with the dust on the roadside, flowing into the sewer. Lailai said she felt dizzy and started vomiting after a while. I know what she was thinking about. She thought about the gleaming knife she saw yesterday. She thought about severing the bleeding artery. The blood poured out like a shaken carbonated drink and quickly wet the person lying on the ground. . The blood kept flowing all around... Lailai said tremblingly, if we had gone to the police yesterday, no one would have died. We clearly saw the knife.
We went to the police station and told what we saw yesterday. The transcript lasted until midnight, and Lailai and I looked very weak. Mom, Dad, you and uncles and aunts were always waiting outside, and then led us home. When we parted that night, we looked into each other's eyes with faint tears.
From that day on, whenever Lailai saw blood, even just a little bit, he would feel dizzy and vomit.
High school is really different. Many students start to fall in love, and they are very aboveboard, holding hands in school. Mom and Dad, you definitely can’t imagine such a scene. It’s completely different from when you were in school. The school always broadcasts that it is necessary to put an end to puppy love, which will affect learning and may also cause other consequences.
Lailai and I don’t care about this at all, but there are many boys who “care” about us. From time to time, someone will come out and say they like us. They are really ridiculous, they don’t know each other at all, how can they like them? like? Do they know what it means to like? They simply don't understand that most people only fall in love to satisfy their curiosity about the opposite sex. They are so stupid and think they are being pushy. Lailai told me that the pigs rolled around in the manure and thought they were taking a bath.
Those guys who claim to like Lai Lai are not worthy of Lai Lai at all. Is there anyone in the world worthy of Lailai? Not in my mind.
Lai Lai’s headaches became more severe this winter, and she would feel a headache when the wind blew. Lailai still wouldn't let me tell anyone, saying that it didn't hurt very much, but that I felt something vaguely. She and I went to buy medicine. When we came out of the pharmacy, we met a man at the door who had a cut on his arm, and the muscles inside were clearly visible. The bleeding stopped, but there were bright red blood all over his hands and body. I saw Lailai's face suddenly turn pale, and after taking two steps, Lailai stopped, sat down on the roadside, and whispered, Yaoyao, I feel like I can't survive.
My hands and feet were shaking with fear. I squatted down and hugged Lailai, saying, "It doesn't matter, it's okay, it's okay."
After a while, I saw that Lai Lai was even more tired. I was very worried and needed to be sent to the hospital. I picked up Lai Lai, and Lai Lai muttered something but couldn't hear clearly. I wanted to walk to the big road and call a car, but after walking only a short distance, I couldn't do it anymore. My feet couldn't control me. So I asked Lailai to sit in front of a small shop and wanted to call a car. Just two steps away, I saw Cheng Haihe. The little boy who wrote a love letter to Lailai is now a big boy. He ran over and asked me what was wrong. Before I could finish my words, he picked up Lailai and said he wanted to take her to the hospital!
I followed him to the side of the road, and as soon as I hailed a taxi, Lailai felt better and said that I didn’t want to go to the hospital, so just take me home. Cheng Haihe and I supported Lai Lai as we walked home, shaking one step at a time. Why did Cheng Hai say he would carry her away, but Lailai didn't want to. After letting Lai Lai lie down on the bed, the aunt sighed to us and said that Lai Lai's dizziness and bleeding were getting more and more serious...
Lai Lai didn't go to school for the next few days. I ran to the school after school. Lailai's family taught her homework and talked with her. Cheng Haihe also came with me, Lailai always said little when seeing him. He was also a little embarrassed. I mentioned Cheng Haihe’s love letter to Lai Lai that year. They both blushed, and the aunt also laughed. She joked to Cheng Hai He that when she grows up, if Lai Lai likes her, he will marry her. you. Lailai buried his head under the quilt.
In the next few days, Cheng Haihe always arrived at Lailai's house earlier than me. He skipped the last two classes and came here. I don't know what he said to Lailai, but Lailai looked very happy.
After coming out of Lailai’s house that day, Cheng Haihe suddenly asked me, what is your relationship with Lailai?
I thought it was funny and said, of course Lailai and I are good friends. Are they enemies?
Cheng Haihe said slowly, do you know what beautiful girls you two are!
I don’t understand what he means at all. He went on to say how you two were always together and how conspicuous you were in school. And you don’t date men very much...
What does this mean? I stopped and asked Cheng Haihe.
Actually, in school, everyone is saying, you... you two are...
I laughed, what? They won’t say that Lailai and I are gay! Just because we all refuse to date you guys? What kind of logic is this?