First of all, the whole word is flat and flat, which is not Jiang's. It is estimated that the author doesn't know much about the study of Pingzuo Ci. Secondly, the whole vernacular Chinese has no taste of words, and there are a lot of repeated words and phrases, which are taboo in modern poetry. You might as well count how many times the words "teach", "learn" and "teacher" are used in it. This is a problem of poor language. Again, the article digress. You wrote to thank the teacher for his kindness, not to respect the teacher and pay attention to teaching. In the end, it has little meaning and no aftertaste.
Of course, this is from the perspective of strict modern poetry writing. If you have no previous experience in writing modern poetry, it is a good start. It is suggested to start with Sanqu. Sanqu rice is relatively wide and can be used as interlining. Not taboo vernacular and simple language, more suitable for beginners to try.