I don't want to say that I haven't met good people in the first few decades of my life. Because in retrospect, the reason why I met people in these years is entirely because I have been living with my eyes closed, like an infant, and I have no control over my life.
It's a shame to say that I am a giant baby who is almost 30 years old. It's only been two years since I opened my eyes to see the world around me!
I always thought that all the changes would happen on a special day and moment, such as National Day, Mid-Autumn Festival, or at least my birthday, which would make me celebrate with a sense of ceremony every year. But in fact, my "eyes-opening" process seems to have taken decades.
The dribs and drabs of experience over the years are like many uncertain drugs that witches try to concoct. All the influences (good or bad) will not be vaguely perceived until such a long time. I don't know which medicine brought me "awake" or strangled my "blindness", but I feel very lucky, because although I have been a giant baby with my eyes closed all these years, at least now I open my eyes to see the world and feel very different!
I have some regrets, because there is no way to know exactly when and where my change happened. This is an extremely absurd thing, and others will not believe it if it is said. I have read many stories of people who have experienced it: for example, Steve Jobs' garage business determines his success, Jack Ma's wild career in Hangzhou determines his greatness, and Haruki Murakami started writing full-time at the age of 30 ... For these people, although I am still a teenager, I know more or less that if I want to write My Biography in the future, the turning point in my life must be "a certain time, a certain place and an event", otherwise readers will feel that.
Before writing this short message, I spent a lot of time trying to remember, trying to find out when I first opened my eyes to see the world. I didn't find the answer, so I'm afraid I won't have a "credible" biography in my life, which makes me feel very sad! Because of this, I think it is even more necessary for me to start writing Notes for the First Half of My Life while thinking clearly. I am afraid of forgetfulness in life, and I am even more afraid of exaggeration.
Anyway, although I didn't make any outstanding achievements in the first half of my life, I actually just spent all my energy from "living with my eyes closed" to "opening my eyes". I hope all readers who read this passage are sober-minded "caring for fools", because it shows that most people live better than me and wake up earlier than me, so the world will actually be better than I expected, and I am lucky enough to spend the rest of my life experiencing it! If so, I want to thank you for your kind teasing!
I don't want to talk more about my childhood, because although I didn't live a luxurious and happy life, it was more than enough. I don't like the word "born in a family" when people talk about everything nowadays, as if everyone's luck or misfortune is predestined! Do you know what "being from a family" is? Just one by one, all pedants. Don't blame the world for being too messy. We are all part of this chaos. I hope everyone will be cautious, first polish their eyes and shake the ink in their stomachs, and then decide whether to talk about "three people make a tiger".
I once had such a stage that I felt that I was born in a bad family, which led to loopholes in my body and experienced successive misfortunes. However, our parents really tried their best to give their children the best they could. What I'm tired of now is that China's parents are too selfless, which leads to their confusion-because China's parents, who typically regard their children as their life goals, are actually more attached to their children than to them. I don't want to repeat my parents' mistakes, so I'm still unmarried and childless. I don't want to say that I am an unmarried person, because people should never give themselves any definition about the future. The future has its own way of life, and what we have to do is to live the present. And now, I am trying my best to adapt to the small eyes I opened at the beginning and not let them close in front of anything.
God knows how long it took me to open these "clear eyes"! Please laugh at my "making a mountain out of a molehill" I just want to look at the world calmly!
You don't understand what my sobriety means. Then let me tell you a few stories in detail!
Aside from the stereotype of "being from a family", my growth history naturally entered the school. Every child walks into the campus, which is a big challenge in life, and I am late for this challenge! How can I put it? After all, as you can see, I finally opened my eyes when I was almost 30 years old, so it is understandable that I was late for the "entrance challenge". Please forgive me!
My memory of school should start from high school. Because from then on, my life began to suffer from "closing my eyes". In fact, campus life before high school is accompanied by blessings from family and "beginner's luck". I didn't realize how many misfortunes life can have. It was not until I went to high school that I entered the big city with the aura of a small town. But in fact, I didn't learn any tricks of "beating monsters and upgrading", so I panicked in the new environment, new rules and new rapids.
The first monster I met in my life should be my first love. We were together for more than seven years and finally broke up miserably. I always thought it was his ruthlessness, but I gradually understood what "fate" was after seeing myself hanged with my eyes closed in recent years.
If the story before high school has always happened on land, then entering high school is a raging torrent for me. Indeed, there are still some students around who can calmly solve three functions and recite words as in still landscape paintings. Looking back on the scene at that time, I felt like a fool! I am like a drowning man, closing my eyes hard. Although I am struggling wholeheartedly, I can't find a way out because I can't see the direction, so I can only be swallowed up and washed away by the flood. It's so easy to bump into dead branches, just like catching a baby, and whether the branches can float their own weight or not, they want to "die of gratitude"! Although my eyes are closed, I know I don't have to play with monsters anymore, because I am a "monster" woman and take it for granted that I can enjoy the protection of monsters from now on, so I feel at ease and go with the flow.
It is unkind to compare the first love to a "monster". Thanks to the dead branches he threw at me in those years, I was able to walk so far with my eyes closed, but I couldn't find a better title to represent him. I am grateful to him, but I don't want to be a "strange woman" anymore.
I said that the "fate" of life is not superstition, but that after going through a tortuous and dark road, I can finally open my eyes and give my first half a best summary statement. My fate is not decided by heaven, and my fate with the "monster" is entirely my own making. He is just a "monster" on the road of life, not the destination in my heart. Facts have proved that a woman doesn't really need a home, she can travel far alone. (This is another story)
Back to the topic: First love is a little monster in the "Big Monster" at most, because there are so many monsters along the way later, it is no exaggeration to say that you can meet one in three meters and five meters! Although my eyes are closed, I can feel the pain all over. I can't follow a big monster when I meet it! Besides, real monsters don't like us, do they?
People always leave a lot of things along the way, from the deciduous teeth in the tooth changing period to the people you think will never leave you. I can't tell whether I dumped someone else or someone else dumped me. There is no point in delving into the reason now, and the result is the end-although I prefer to believe that "Johnson and I were washed away by the rolling torrent of this world."
After all, everyone has contributed to the prestige of the torrent because they have lost something, because those who stay and those who are left behind always throw hurtful knives into the torrent, and those boxes with dusty past events are also involved in the damage of the torrent because they are abandoned by their owners and owners. So we not only hurt ourselves, but also hurt many people on the road.
I have shed a lot of cowardly tears. Women's tears are not the legendary gentle secret weapon at all, but the poison that hurts people and hurts themselves. When I was around the monster, I was hard on him because I didn't wait for perfect protection; After I left the "monster", I fell into the whirlpool of "ulterior motives" because of tears-he listened to my crying and comforted me, then left without touching my body and ran to the bed of a "stupid woman" who was suitable for being a wife. I hate such a man, but I didn't recognize the face when he stood in front of me. Oh, I forgot I kept my eyes closed!
It took me a long time to forgive myself, and it took me the same time to tear off the veil of the "weak woman" that the man covered with honey with the patience of the blind touching the elephant. In the process of tearing, I cursed the faces of those people with ulterior motives, but it was because of the pain of tearing that I frowned and caught a glimpse of the light of the world. So I forgave those people with ulterior motives and washed their wounds in salt water.
Now I slowly see that the flood around me is just a small puddle compared with the sea, and I am not a weak creature trapped in it. As long as I stand up, I can easily wave away the fetters around me, and the "monsters" along the way are not ugly faces. They will do you a little harm, but in fact they will gradually strengthen your resistance.
I don't catch a cold so easily, and I don't have a stomachache so easily. I pay more attention to better things because I have seen the world. So I opened my eyes and looked at the world for a long time!
Maybe you have to ask, "When did I open my eyes?" Then I can only tell you: maybe when I wash my face at the seaside, maybe in the gap where my eyes are swollen by monsters, maybe in the Qingming afternoon, maybe on the Dragon Boat Festival, maybe on the Mid-Autumn Festival, maybe it happens to be my birthday! As for the date, you can decide at will, and I will continue my story. ......