What kind of book is "small"? Maybe you read the book when you were seventeen or eighteen, when you were a child. I'm certainly not too old to say, but there are only three of the twenty on the left. Nowadays, there are always many "post-90s" on the Internet joking about their old age, but I am not worried about the so-called approaching old age or the death of the deceased. Sometimes I even see talents of the same age one after another, and I just sigh that I am still confused when I am amazed.
? This light green tin box was bought from the Internet a few days after my 18 birthday to store the little book. There are too few storage boxes with locks and full of "girls' hearts" now. I have to make sure that it won't be seen by anyone at will.
? The Quiet Life by Margaret Duras. I forbid anyone to comment on the right or wrong of our age.
" ? Living to this age, growing like this,
This is not my responsibility.
This appearance is recognized, and it is my appearance.
I accepted it gladly and had no choice.
I am this girl, and once I am sure, I will never change.
"
On May 20th last month, the Internet gave it the romantic meaning of "I love you". Early in the morning, in order to rub hot spots, I went to the marriage registration office in a district of Chongqing to interview the lover of the newly married Yaner. Going out in the pouring rain, approaching the urban area, and arriving at the red gate of the registration office, it gradually became sunny and sunny, and then it was fresh after the rain, and even the Tindal effect penetrated the cracks in the leaves.
? The first zero-distance contact with the marriage hall. Although I am just a bystander, although I am just a recorder, it is reasonable to say that I should not be mixed with personal emotional prejudice, but the atmosphere of the venue really moved me to tears-most couples who came to register cried with joy, and that expression has nothing to do with interests and money, because you can feel the feelings linked to interests and money in your heart; After receiving the bright red documents, they embraced happily, some dressed up carefully, some dressed simply, luxuriantly or simply, and such hugs were touching.
? In this marriage registration office in Chongqing, the whole process takes about 40 minutes: making an appointment, arranging numbers, presenting various documents, signing an agreement, taking photos, taking an oath and getting a certificate.
40 minutes, wait a minute, the crowd may already be angry. But here, these 40 minutes may be a lifetime, and everyone is still too short.
? I sat in the corner of the hall with a small interview book and looked at them. There is even an old couple who love each other. Aunt is surrounded by a bright yellow silk scarf and stands a "lion head". On the one hand, the uncle is carrying a small schoolbag on his shoulder, fanning the aunt. He is still bald.
? Looking at them, I think the world is lovely.
? When I got home this afternoon, I was working at my desk, eating some exquisite snacks and making a pot of crisp jasmine tea. Although the weather is not very hot, we should turn on the air conditioner, so that we can have a "summer", a simple, satisfying and calm summer.
? Take a leisurely look at social platforms and go to friends circle:
? He is an old Chongqing fan, and he was also my interviewee @ Shancheng Memory Zhao Shuang. Before, I would look at the map carefully to see if I could follow in his footsteps to find the beauty of the city. But today, on a leisurely and comfortable afternoon, this essay in Mu Xin's poem "Once Slow" really made me feel uncomfortable, even unable to control myself. I have to stop what I am doing. Only by writing down these emotions can I catch my breath.
In 20 15, it seems that a singer became popular in China with "Once Slow". At that time, everyone was shouting:
"It used to be slow, and I only loved one person in my life."
? The first time I met Mu Xin was at the end of 20 12-at that time, we were confined to the simulation of the five-year college entrance examination and three-year college entrance examination, but we held out various poems or foreign literature as soon as we had a class at the same table. Because he not only wants to read such books, but also writes lines of free poems in the exam composition that is absolutely "except poetry" at ordinary times, we all laugh at T as a "poet".
? Because I have to prepare for the college entrance examination, I moved out of the dormitory for six people and rented a teacher's apartment behind the school. From the windowsill of the dormitory, you can just see the classroom door of the class. The school is so small that I can see the boys' dormitory on the playground at a glance.
? Half a year before the college entrance examination, my grades were divided into classes for the last time. I was squeezed into the so-called "top class" from a class with almost the worst grade-the head teacher taught the top liberal arts student in Chongqing college entrance examination-and because of this, our old classmates who were crowded together seemed more or less out of place, or perhaps it was my psychological function of inferiority.
? T became my deskmate, and he later told me that the leather jacket with rivets I wore on the day of my shift change looked particularly stupid. Of course, I also thought that the image of his plaid shirt and sneakers was particularly stupid.
? During the break, T often shares his unpopular poems after solving a geometric problem for me. Before college, I only had a "PHS", and T sent long messages to answer questions with me. It is common for a topic to be edited into four or five short messages.
? It's 20 12. I also shared with him folk songs that haven't caught fire yet, such as Anhe Bridge, the Sea of Kabila and Shannan. Facing the windowsill, listening to the song, watching him walk out of the classroom on time at night 10: 15, and walk into the boys' dormitory at night 10: 25. Just a little more time for three songs. It's also time to read three poems.
? I am a very ceremonial person. 18 birthday, high school invited friends to dinner, which was very lively. Even my 10-year-old sister in Amanome broke her leg on the way, but none of this can stop our carnival.
? He didn't come because he had to study, and also because he was ashamed to show up in front of a group of my friends. After making a wish, I went back to the classroom and was about to start preparing for evening self-study. T suddenly rushed out of the classroom-a "good doll" like him never missed class.
? When he came back, he handed me a book: A Quiet Life.
? Author marguerite duras, senior three, I only know Su Tong, an idol, and I know nothing about foreign literature, because I always feel that I can't understand the true meaning that foreign writers want to express.
? It turns out that he went to pick up the courier. On the title page, a few lines of pen words are neat and bright.
? Contrary to expectations, T's "quiet life" doesn't belong to me at that age. On June 8, 20 13, I collapsed as soon as I walked out of the college entrance examination room. When I was a student, I liked "He's mint" to refresh myself. One of them can be cooled in my stomach. In order to paralyze myself, I swallowed six pills at a time, but I didn't calm down. That night, like the weather this morning, it was raining cats and dogs, and I still remember it.
? Later, T went to a first-class university in Guangzhou as the top student in our college entrance examination. I almost came to the bottom and went to a second-rate university in Shandong Province.
? Later, we rode a bike in Diqing, crossed the national highway in Jinchuan, which was washed away by the flood, ate disgusting pigskin jelly in Jinzhong's grand and heavy ancient courtyard, climbed Daizong alone at night in two military coats, and even paid homage to the celestial burial ceremony for the first time in my life, almost rolling from the foot of Seda's hillside to the celestial burial platform. What's more, T kept a pet pig at home because he liked pigs very much. Later, I found out that I bought it as a pig and it grew to more than one meter long.
But these are not as far away as mountains and rivers. A quiet and happy life did not belong to me at that time, perhaps because I was too young and was born a villain, which ruined my good career.
Later, T and I cut off all contact information step by step. A few days ago, I learned that he was going to Yale for a master's degree in anthropology. Although it has nothing to do with me, I really feel gratified for him. This kind of relief, first, he finally has some shackles, and second, because he finally found his own "right way."
? This kind of gratification, joy and emotion for T is the same as the emotion I felt in the marriage registration office this morning: empathy that has nothing to do with me.
? I didn't finish reading Quiet Life completely when I was a child, because I still couldn't understand foreign language grammar. Open a page at will today, and every word is enough to make me cry.
"? After a lonely day, I finally fell in love with my ignorance, and I felt very comfortable with them, as if it were a stove. At this time, you should let the flame burn slowly, without saying a word or commenting. We must renew ourselves in ignorance. "
"? Boredom is still there, but boredom will come from time to time. I always thought I was bored to the end, but it was wrong. The end of boredom is always another source of boredom. "
"? I think this is my loneliest day every day, but I was wrong. I get lonelier every day. Every morning, I tell myself that I can't go any further in this territory, but at night, I find that I have gone through a lonely virgin land again. "
"If I know that one day I will have a history, I will make a choice, live more seriously, make this history beautiful and true, and let myself like it. It's too late now. This history has begun, and it doesn't know where to lead me at will. I have nothing to do with it. I tried desperately to push it away, but it followed, everything was positioned, everything became a memory, and there was no possibility of creation. "
end
Graphic | April, spring and summer
20 18.06.25