I'm curious why you became a monk. Do parents \ relatives agree? What would they do if they knew you were a monk?
If you want to escape from reality, I advise you to think twice; If you really want to help all beings, I wish you an early realization of this wish.
You have heard of "the environment is born of the mind". You don't have to be a monk. Let me show you an article: the poet is young and handsome, brilliant and rich, and his wife is beautiful and gentle, but he is not happy. The angel asked, "Can I help you?" The poet said, "I have everything except happiness." Then the angel took the poet's talent, ruined his appearance and made him lose his property and wife. A month later, the angel returned to the poet, who was half hungry and struggling on the ground in rags. So the angel gave him everything back. Half a month later, the angel saw the poet hugging his wife and thanked the angel because he was very happy.