1. Poems about farts
Poems about farts 1. Asking for poems about farts
Poems about farts all say that the Chinese nation has a splendid food culture , tea culture, wine culture, clothing culture, etc.
Of course there should be an excellent fart culture. I am willing to be the pioneer of fart culture.
That’s why I wrote such a ridiculous thing. I don’t ask you to praise me, but if I make you laugh twice, that’s enough.
Fart is invisible and colorless; flexion has sound and taste. The arrow energy of the human body is the transformation of grains into corpses.
Contains a mixture of indole-stomin and hydrogen sulfide. Let it go naturally, don't be polite.
Everyone is equal before a stinky fart. It’s not up to you whether you smell it or not. It doesn't matter if you smell it.
A child’s fart is innocent and childish; an old man’s fart is like a sigh; a hero’s fart is earth-shattering; a beautiful woman’s fart is sympathetic to her beauty; an official farts with pride; a commoner’s fart is cautious; a big old man’s fart is shocking. .No scruples; The female professor farts. She looks left and right. She has some doubts; The secretary farts. Pick up the tea cup and declare the meeting to be adjourned; The company commander farts and shouts: Look to the right; The teacher farts: Today we are talking about magnesium sulfate; The students fart and the whole class laughs, there are endless equations; The surgeon thinks If you fart, hurry up and evacuate the operating area; A farmer wants to fart, but he is worried that there will be a special fee for farts in the village; A nanny wants to fart, for fear of being fired by her boss; A flight attendant wants to fart, because it involves space environmental issues; A female secretary farts, which makes the general manager laugh; Husband-in-law wants to fart The mother farts and embarrasses the son-in-law; the grandfather farts, but the granddaughter has such a small mouth; the wealthy man farts and says to his cell phone: “I’ll call you later”; the singer farts and blows kisses: “I won’t tell you, I won’t tell you. "You"; if you fart loudly when asking for instructions in the morning and when reporting at night, you suspect that it is a conspiracy of class enemies; if you fart loudly during latent reconnaissance, it must be a traitor informing the enemy; if a member of the honor guard farts, it will damage the country's prestige and military power: talk If you fart in business, you may lose 200 billion; if someone farts on the train, it will lead to many guesses and estimates, leaving a narrative poem full of suspense; if you accidentally fart on a first love date, you will feel infinite regret , ashamed and apologetic, it is still a romantic memory thirty years later; the environmental protection personnel fart with a garlic smell when taking samples, which is enough to interfere with the percentage of atmospheric content.
A plague fart can withstand an enemy thousands of miles away; a fart turns with a beautiful erhu melody; a long fart strives to break the Guinness World Record; can a serial fart squeeze into the CCTV Spring Festival Gala? At that time, Yang Yuhuan was bathing in Huaqing Pool. He seemed to have a pungent body odor, and the clever Gao Li wrote in native language to explain it: "It was the smell of my slave's fart that disturbed Long Live." In the past, Xi Shi's fart sound scared away the Shui people. It is said that the beauty of the moon caused the fish to sink in the river.
When Cao Mengde heard that someone listed his top ten crimes, he was so angry that he farted twice in a row, and his persistent headache was cured. That year, when the United Nations was meeting at the Security Council, the French ambassador farted, polluting the air and knocking out Secretary-General Gary. The Russian Foreign Minister did not dare to breathe. The Brazilian ambassador hurriedly left the meeting, and reporters mistakenly thought he was protesting against the British speech.
At the beginning of the Iraq War, Saddam got into a nine-square-meter basement and was bombarded with more than a dozen farts every day, turning the desert tyrant into a plague chicken. Fart makes people embarrassed: humiliating. makes people cover their noses: fart. loses seriousness: fart brings comedy. Having the courage to admit a fart is worthy of a heroic feat; stubbornly denying a fart is really childish.
It’s not his fart, so don’t be unjust and seek truth from facts; it’s not my fart, so why bother yourself? Let people misunderstand, anyway, the bonus will not be deducted, and the salary increase and level will not be affected. If you fart, you won't get red in the face, if you go straight, you won't be fined, and it won't prevent your wife from becoming a non-worker.
It’s nothing more than an apology, and a verbal review cannot go into the filing cabinet. In fact, everyone is involved in this phenomenon.
Who can live without farting? Why bother distinguishing between him and you. Farts are a last resort, sniffing farts is just a game, there is no need to check the decibel level, and there is no need to register carefully.
Farting cannot be considered illegal or disciplinary, nor can it be allocated according to indicators. There is no need to surrender if no one pursues you. Reducing the issue to a trivial matter is beneficial to stability and unity, and there is no point in lingering over it.
Why bother finding out who did it? There are many privacy and secrets in the world. Farts cannot make life colorful, nor can farts harm neighborly relations.
Sometimes the young couple gets into a fight. A fart makes both of them laugh, and the fun of the past suddenly resumes. The emotional crisis was instantly resolved.
How many fart stories. How many fart legends. How many fart romances. Beautiful legends worth recalling. There are so many truths about farts, so many controversies about farts, so many thoughts about farts. The absurdity also contains the true meaning of philosophy.
"Bird Questions and Answers" says: "No need to fart!" This supreme instruction can be said to be an eternal masterpiece. There is true love in the world, and the more people there are, the less they fart.
Everyone dislikes the smell of farts. No one is welcome.
Fart molecules float into the air and sneak into your lungs. No matter you are a commoner or you are a long live emperor, listen to this indecent sound and smell this unpleasant smell. If your life is ordinary. Just let it go before you die. You might as well live it up for a while. It's quite comfortable. Isn't it? .
2. Poems about farts in parental love
Wandering Son Yin
Meng Jiao
The thread in the hand of a loving mother,
< p> Wanderer's shirt.Before leaving, there is a tight gap,
I am afraid that I will return late.
Whoever speaks an inch of grass will be rewarded with three rays of spring.
Farewell to my mother
I bowed to my mother and went to Heliang.
My eyes are dry with tears as I look at my white hair and worry.
On a miserable snowy night in Chaimen,
Having children at this time is worse than having none
Chinese Poetry - Qing Dynasty - Huang Jingren
How many tears have there been? , all dyed hand-sewn clothes
"The basket is full of father's letters, and the mother's thread lingers in my skirt" (Shi Qisheng's "Written on the Heart")
The kindness of the ten-month fetus is heavy, but the repayment of the three lives is light. ——"Encouraging Filial Piety"
The blue sky moans with tears and calls for a strict father; the blue water complains every word of blood and cries for a loving mother.
Don’t let your parents suffer from hard work, and don’t let your parents suffer from sorrow.
A loving mother loves her son, not just for retribution. 〖Han〗Liu An
A fetus in ten months is generous in kindness, but repayment in three lifetimes is light. "Encouragement to Filial Piety"
A three-inch-foot-long baby has ten and eight years of merit. "Encouragement to Filial Piety"
The mother says that the child is lying down when he is dry, and the mother is wet when the child is sleeping. "Encouraging Filial Piety"
The mother is suffering and the child is not seen, and the child is tired and the mother is uneasy. "Encouraging Filial Piety"
My mother is one hundred years old and she often prays to her eighty-year-old son. "Encouraging Filial Piety"
The prodigal son does not feel cold when his loving mother is present. "Encouragement to Filial Piety"
A thousand loves, a thousand kindnesses, a hundred hardships, who knows my parents who love me? "Children's Talk"
The white-headed old mother covered the door and cried, and rolled up the sleeves of her shirt and left them in place. 〖Tang〗Han Yu
When the mother's instrument hangs down, it shines brightly on the tube, and in Wusu, the light shines silently on the night stand. "Collection of Proverbs"
The thread is in the hands of a loving mother, and the clothes are on the body of a wanderer. Before leaving, I was afraid of returning late. Whoever speaks of an inch of grass will be rewarded with three rays of spring light. 〖Tang〗 Meng Jiao
Meng’s mother used to choose a neighbor. If you don't learn, you will lose your chance. "Three Character Classic"
Mother is the first parent in the world; maternal love is the first love in the world. Ziyan
The only love in the world that has not been contaminated - that is maternal love. Zi Yan
When you are successful, everyone is a friend. But only the mother - she is the companion in failure. Zheng Zhenduo
I feel sorry for my parents, who worked so hard to give birth to me. "The Book of Songs"
Who can be a parent without a father, and who can rely on a mother without a mother? "The Book of Songs"
The virtue of the father is the inheritance of the son. The word Yan
Parents are of high moral character; their children are well-educated. "Couplet of Proverbs"
Don't be happy if you have children, but don't lament if you don't have children. 〖Tang〗Han Yu
People think that boys and girls are good, but they don’t know that boys and girls make people grow old. 〖Tang〗Wang Jian
Parents are the best in the world; brothers are the rarest people in the world. "Motto Lian Bi"
As a parent, the best thing in the world is; as a child, the best thing in the world is filial piety. "Proverbs Lian Bi"
My father gave birth to me, my mother bowed to me, caressed me, livestock me, grew me, nurtured me,
Take care of me and revive me. "The Book of Songs"
If the father is unkind, the son will be unfilial; if the brother is not friendly, the younger brother will be disrespectful; if the husband is unjust,
the wife will be disobedient. 〖Southern and Northern Dynasties〗Yan Zhitui
In life, there are no wise fathers and brothers, no strict teachers and friends outside, and few people can succeed. 〖Song Dynasty〗Lv Gong
What my parents want to do, I will continue to describe; what my parents value, I will love them. "Lianbi of Proverbs"
There are so many, take a look for yourself
3. China's top ten famous fart poems
The first one: The Lord of the Southern Tang Dynasty Li Jing was fond of fishing and once took the actor Li Jiaming and a group of attendants fishing by the pond.
Li Jiaming was lucky and caught several fish in a short while, but Li Jing's fishing rod did not move at all. Li Jing's boss was unhappy, but it was difficult to get angry.
Li Jiaming saw that the master looked angry, so he tactfully reported to the master and asked him to write a poem about his fishing. After receiving the permission, he immediately wrote: The jade hanging hook is in full swing, and the spring water of the blue pool is warm and melting.
Mortal scales dare not swallow fragrant bait, knowing that it is the king who fishes for the dragon together. The emperor rules over the world, so fishing is naturally different from ordinary people. Ordinary fish are not even qualified to take the bait. Only the magical dragon is worthy of the hook.
The flattery worked as expected. Li Jing’s face immediately changed from gloomy to sunny, and she took the opportunity to end the disappointing fishing. Second song: If you meet a cruel and murderous person, you have to think hard to find nice words to save your head.
Du Xunhe, who was famous for his poetry in the late Tang Dynasty, wrote a flattering poem under such circumstances. At that time, Zhu Wen was granted the title of King of Liang and had control over four towns, with overwhelming power.
Zhu Wen was a ruthless and fierce man, and those around him who disobeyed him would be executed immediately.
For such a murderous demon, Du Xunhe, who was eager to seek an official position, risked his life to seek an audience.
After Du Xunhe rushed to Luoyang and posted a message asking for an audience, he waited for a long time before being summoned. On this day, Du Xunhe entered Zhu Wen's toilet with trepidation.
At this time, the sun was shining brightly and the rain was falling. Zhu Wen thought it was a strange thing and asked Du Xunhe to write a poem about it. The quality of the poem was not only related to the official position he longed for, but also life and death. Du Xunhe naturally cheered up and racked his brains to think about auspicious and beautiful things. Finally, the emperor paid off and recited a poem. : Same universe but different things, raindrops flying in the sun.
If Yin and Qing are similar, I would like to show off to Liang Wang for his chemical engineering! Attaching the natural phenomenon of sun rain to Zhu Wen's praises from heaven, Zhu Wen was so praised that he was so happy and elated that he greatly appreciated Du Xunhe and showered him with gifts. After Zhu Wen usurped the Tang Dynasty and ascended the throne, he awarded Du Xunhe the title of Hanlin bachelor.
The third song: The monk Zong Lai in the early Ming Dynasty encountered a more dangerous situation. Ming Taizu Zhu Yuanzhang and Queen Ma were a couple in need and had a deep relationship.
Unfortunately, Empress Ma passed away before her great ancestor. When Zhu Yuanzhang was grieving, he encountered heavy wind, rain, thunder and lightning on the day of his burial. Zhu Yuanzhang was extremely depressed and called Zong Lai to ask the reason.
Zhu Yuanzhang would kill you if he said something wrong, so Zong Lai naturally had to deal with it with all his strength and kept moving forward, thinking very fast along the way. When Zhu Yuanzhang arrived, he already had an idea, so he responded with a poem: The rain falls and the sky weeps, and the thundering ground mourns.
All the Buddhas in the West send Ma Tathagata together. Ma Hou was worshiped as Buddha Tathagata, even the heavens sent thunderstorms to mourn her, and Bodhisattvas also came to see her off.
Such weather is a blessing from God and is very auspicious. Zhu Yuanzhang's unhappiness flew away, and Zong Di escaped the disaster.
The fourth poem: Zhu Yuanzhang, the founder of the Ming Dynasty, absolved a large group of monks from the sin of a flattering poem. Zhu Yuanzhang worked as a monk in Huangjue Temple when he was young, and wrote poems on the temple walls.
After becoming emperor, I revisited my old place, but the poems on the wall had long disappeared. He couldn't help but get angry and wanted to vent his anger on the monks in the temple.
Seeing that a disaster was coming, the abbot wrote a poem in order to shirk his responsibility: The Holy Master dared not leave the poem written on the wall, and the ghosts and gods were worried about it on the wall. I would like to wash the Dharma water gently, and there will still be dragon light shining on the bullfighting.
A few words to coax ghosts, the flattery was really outrageous, but Zhu Yuanzhang was so elated and proud that the impending disaster disappeared. The fifth poem: During the Tang Dynasty's Sisheng period, Empress Wei of Zhongzong Li Xian wanted to follow in the footsteps of Wu Zetian and exerted her power in the palace, trying her best to squeeze out Zhongzong and seize power.
A group of followers in the inner palace followed Empress Wei's lead and competed to please her. Once there was a banquet held in the palace, and an actress lost no time in singing a song called "Echo Poems": The echoes are so close that it's good to be afraid of women.
On the outside there is only Pei Tan, but inside there is no one like Mr. Li. Pei Tan was the imperial censor at that time, and he was a famous henpecker in the court. "Lao Li" refers to Zhongzong.
In order to flatter Empress Wei, the actors did not hesitate to make the emperor look ugly. Empress Wei was so elated when she was photographed, staring at Zhongzong triumphantly and smiling. The cowardly Zhongzong could only smile helplessly.
The actor received a large reward from Empress Wei because of his good flattery. Song 6: The scholar-bureaucrat’s ability to seduce others and flatter others is no less impressive than that of the actress.
Ruan Yuan, a high official during the Qianlong period of the Qing Dynasty, relied on flattery poems to reach a high position. Ruan Yuan initially served in the Hanlin Academy, and his official position was not high.
One year, the Hanlin Academy held a major examination, which was presided over by Qianlong himself. The poem in the examination was titled "Glasses". Ruan Yuan had already learned from He Shen that Qianlong did not wear glasses, so he was able to figure out the meaning with confidence and composed a long poem calmly. The last four lines of the poem are the most disgusting: Why do you need this when your eyes are clear? You can't rely on the weight of your pupils. he.
The sage was originally unimpeached, and his eyesight and longevity were long. There are two pupils in the eyes called "double pupils". It is said that Shun was born with double pupils, so "double pupils" became a symbol of the holy king.
Qianlong had very good eyesight and did not need to wear glasses. Ruan Yuan used this to tout him as the ancient sage-Shun. The poem scratched Qianlong's itch, and Ruan Yuan was promoted to the first class.
From then on, his official career was prosperous and he rose to the top, and later he became governor-general and governor. Song 7: Ruan Yuan, a high official during the Qianlong reign of the Qing Dynasty, relied on flattery poems to reach a high position.
Recalling the old events many years later, he complacently wrote a poem: Emperor Gaozong lived in his eighties and had no eyesight. I wrote a poem about my glasses, and I praised him and gave him the best edict.
叆叇 is another name for glasses. The complacency in the poem is palpable.
Song 8: Wang Mian in the late Yuan Dynasty and early Ming Dynasty was regarded as a model of hermit in "The Scholars". This image is also deeply rooted in the hearts of the people and seems to have become his exclusive brand. In fact, he also has a vulgar and low-personality side.
Wang Mian was very talented and ambitious, but in troubled times, his talent was not appreciated. Later, he was very excited when he met Zhu Yuanzhang, the "right one", so he wrote the poem "Ying Jiao Ti Mei" to praise him: The west wind blows people down, and dust is everywhere in the universe.
Hu'er froze to death under the Great Wall, and finally believed that there is no spring in the south of the Yangtze River. The last sentence touts that the Jiangnan under Zhu Yuanzhang's command was as warm and bright as spring, which is in sharp contrast to the sinister environment described in the first three sentences.
Zhu Yuanzhang was naturally very pleased with Long Yan, and immediately granted Wang Mian the official position of consulting the army. However, Wang Mian had no luck in officialdom, and he was in mourning as soon as he took office.