A tree for 30 years must be deeply rooted, leafy and unpretentious. If it was a banyan tree, it would have become a dense forest.
30 years of marriage? What does she look like?
Independent and harmonious, plain and warm, missing each other and attached to each other; Go hand in hand with natural "milk ash"; Reading classics with reading glasses; Looking for the angle of "aerial photography of China" with the camera on your back; Touch the forest of steles and talk about the past and the present ... This is our present situation.
June 29th, 2022, the 30th anniversary of marriage, which is the date on the marriage certificate. My son and friends say that we should celebrate anyway.
In fact, for us, she is no different from June 29 every year, because it is celebrated every year.
Perhaps because my parents in the countryside are poor, all the "anniversary" celebrations are nothing more than that he bought me my favorite clothes, jewelry and cosmetics, and then praised me for being beautiful. And invited my best friends to get together for a big meal. Then, hold flowers and praise your eyes.
From a teenager to a bald head, there is no wedding, no commitment, and even wedding photos are taken after pregnancy.
We met at the age of 16 and 7. At that time, we were just classmates studying in other places, not a major or even a school. Our classmates just met. If someone told me that you would spend the rest of your life with him, I wouldn't believe it.
This thing, fate, is so magical and indescribable. I met in another city after graduation, and I often go back and forth. Unconsciously, I was inseparable. I hurried to get the certificate and jointly advertised to my relatives and friends: We are married!
Colleagues said that I would be angry if I had a daughter like you. I didn't go home to tell my family until I got the certificate. What courage!
Girlfriend Feng said I'd break up with you if you married him!
Guimi Xiang said that both of them are like children who don't grow up. How do they live? Don't have children in the future.
My family is still trying to introduce me and try their best to transfer my work home, but I came back with proof and told my family that I was married!
Mom didn't return to absolute being for months:
Even if people are not handsome, the beds at home are made of earth. Even if the work is not in the same city, both of them run all over the country and belong to the same construction unit. If you always build one, you have to start a new project. Where did you two live after you got married?
"Rebellion", we are not separated.
Only now that his son is getting married can he understand the feelings of his family and relatives at that time.
Of course, everything is like this. When you have a firm goal, no one can destroy you. In the end, all those who opposed it had to compromise.
Maybe I'm stupid, but I don't regret it. Every long-term marriage is nothing more than us.
Before becoming mothers, we can say that our marriage is as happy as the book says. Besides poetry and distance, there are letters, flowers, wine and tea in life.
There were no mobile phones at that time, except for letters and long-distance calls. Only the office has a telephone. Therefore, letters are the main means of communication. Up to now, my family still has two boxes of "love files", which record the "years of burning passion".
We meet occasionally when we are apart, and there is no time and opportunity to find each other's shortcomings and deficiencies. It's rare to meet, and all you can see is what you think.
Separated couples are actually falling in love with their ideal lovers, and the people in love are all what they imagined. The truth that accompanies me day and night is at least ten blocks away.
Of course, we don't deliberately hide and deceive each other. This is human nature. Every once in a while, everyone wants to show their better side to each other.
Because there is no home, daily necessities, pots and pans. When we are together, it is not a park, a hotel, a shopping mall or a cinema. It's all romantic and beautiful.
I was naive at that time and couldn't understand why so many divorced couples in the world were so beautiful together. Were all those people arranged at the beginning?
At that time, when I couldn't transfer my job, he also had the idea of letting me resign. It's not that I don't believe his promise. I just want to be independent and don't want to live with my hands up every day.
With children, we are faced with futile and endless housework; When you have to go to work and take care of the children; When a family of three lives in three cities. All the questions are coming. Even if I give up my job, there will be many difficulties waiting for us.
The break-in between those newlyweds can't be saved. They won't have a home just because they have been married for three years, and those running-in will jump over.
The first is the running-in of living habits. Every day under one roof, those deep-rooted bad habits from small to large will be exposed bit by bit. From smelly socks to changing clothes to washing dishes in time. Books and toys on the floor, desk and sofa can be bypassed and not picked up. Always can't afford to stay in bed, never fold the quilt. Washing your face will fill the room with water. ...
In these trivial matters, I was seriously dragged from the beginning, always trying to change him, hoping that every move could be done according to my own requirements. However, he will argue once at most, and change it until you don't want to argue about those "old-fashioned" questions, and he will win.
Patience and tolerance are the principles of life. It's hard for each other to hold on to small things.
It's like, I've always wanted men to please women outside. It is this innate habit that men always want to show themselves in front of women outside in order to win the favor of more women. As a woman, I also hope that men outside are considerate like gentlemen, but I don't allow my men to be gentlemen in front of other women.
Young people are not all enthusiastic, some are jealous. There is always endless vinegar and endless "playboy". It takes time to wash away in the long river of years, reflect each other's evidence in the quarrel, and tolerate each other. Finally, I can understand that those are growth experiences and base stations on the road of life.
I finally know that in this life, only myself can change. Don't try to preach to anyone, let alone try to change anyone.
When you can live independently, you can manage the marriage life of two people well; When your requirements for others are reduced, you can better understand each other's good; When you improve yourself, you can attract more attention.
Don't quarrel about the "little things" in life. If there is no question of principle, let the other person go. We can't go against human nature, and we are not saints. The defect of human nature is precisely based on the power of society. Casual social harmony is inevitable for everyone, let alone a man who broke into this world.
When you focus on improving your self-cultivation, virtue and open-mindedness, you will attract more appreciation and attention, and he will re-examine the "dross" that he almost ignores, and find that it is still "the scenery here is unique" and the most elegant woman is around.
The premise of running a good marriage must be to learn to be independent first, or, if you are in full bloom, butterflies will come. ...
If someone told me that I should have awe and respect for my husband when I just got married, I would definitely think it was too feudal and pedantic, and when would I still fear men!
Now I understand. At that time, I was narrow-minded and short-sighted
Respect him, praise him, affirm him, give him full confidence and freedom, let him freely play himself, take the lead with ease and courage, and explore the potential of men to the fullest.
If you deny and criticize him every day because of some trivial things; Then he will become tied behind his hands and do everything carefully for fear of making mistakes and provoking family disputes.
Since you have chosen him, you should trust him, reassure yourself, and be in the same boat with him. Life and death are not slogans, but actions.
A few years ago, we drove the southern line of Xinjiang, with a journey of 12 days. We planned and booked the hotel before we left. On the first day, the plane was five hours late, and it was already 23: 50 when it arrived in Urumqi. It took five minutes for the staff of the car rental agency to get off work.
We booked the first day's accommodation in Dushanzi. Urumqi is more than 240 kilometers away from Dushanzi, which is more than 2 hours normal. However, when we arrived, Lianhuo Expressway was being expanded. The staff who picked up the car told us that he walked for more than five hours last week and suggested that we go again the next day.
To tell the truth, I don't like burning the midnight oil. I am afraid of being sleepy and want to give up. But he said firmly, don't change! We must stick to the plan. Then, indisputable is the best support, so walking on the road, each other has the safest psychological dependence. Even if you encounter an accident, you will face it together, without complaining or blaming. Solving the problem is the first priority.
Grab the steering wheel: my eyes are better than yours, your route is better than mine, and you direct me to drive. Indeed, the highway is under maintenance, and there are big goods all the way. However, the quality of big goods in Xinjiang is particularly high. All the big items are slowing us down or pulling over. None of them will take the road with me. If they are not on the highway and are in a hurry, they will definitely stop to thank them.
It will arrive at its destination in the last two hours. You can rest in the hotel after 3 pm, and the rest of the trip is planned. If you quarrel from the beginning, all your energy will be spent on closing and walking. Can you still have a pleasant trip?
So, when traveling, it's mostly the two of us, going to go on road trip. There are too many opinions from others, and it is difficult to balance them, mainly because time is limited.
The most I can say is "whatever you say."
"You have the final say."
So every birthday and holiday, he sends flowers and presents, even in June 1 day. When someone envied my gifts and flowers, they forgot to wash my husband's pockets too clean and pay for breakfast. Does he still have the right to be the master?
I remember a fairy tale "Old people can't do anything wrong"
An old farmer in the countryside took a cow to the market to sell or change things. When he arrived at the party, the old man first replaced his horse with a cow, then his cow with a sheep, then the sheep with a goose, and the goose with a chicken, and finally the chicken with a bag of rotten apples.
Two Englishmen bet an old farmer with a bag of gold coins that he would be beaten and scolded when he got home. The old farmer said firmly and confidently that he would not only be punished, but also get a kiss.
Finally, the old farmer got a bag of gold coins.
Things have happened, just like many families failed to invest. At first, they went to make money, but in the end, they failed. He is in more pain than you. Complaining is not only useless, but also harmful to both sides.
What the old farmer did in the story has its own reasons. He wanted to surprise his grandmother and make up for the lack of apples the year before. It is best for two people to be happy and satisfied and care for each other. Because of this, I won a bag of gold coins by the way.
Once we were driving on a desert highway, looking at the soft curves on the sand dunes on both sides of the road, I kept shouting to go. I saw one or two ruts on the side of the road, and he was ready to satisfy my wish. As a result, the car was trapped in the desert.
Inexperienced, we were eager to get rid of the fall, so we slammed on the accelerator. Just like in the swamp. The more we struggle, the deeper we get.
We didn't complain to each other, just smiled and said that this is the tuition fee for walking on the road. We looked for stones in the desert of more than 50 degrees and put them under the wheels. Finally, enthusiastic passers-by dragged our car out of the desert with their own cars.
Psychologist Goodman, 14, followed 650 couples to study marriage and concluded that those families who are always full of blame, sophistry, contempt and obstruction will eventually go to divorce.
Therefore, respecting each other, not only accepting each other's love, but also accepting his failure is the way for husband and wife to get along.
We are not people who love learning. When we just graduated, we lamented that we finally stopped taking endless exams and never had to study by reading books again! I look forward to never having to enter the examination room again in my life. However, low education is a serious injury. I had to pick up my books and rush to the examination room for the title and various certificates.
He is the kind of person who is hungry for three meals a day and doesn't want to think about the future when he is busy with work.
In contrast, my job is much easier, and I am surrounded by colleagues who read and study all day. This is how the environment forces you to stay in formation with everyone. I must drag him to study and take exams together.
At school, he was recognized as "photographic memory". Therefore, as long as he is willing, all the exams are nothing. Learning to learn has left me far behind. I always said he was like a hound. When he sets goals, he never lets people down.
Gradually, when children grow up, they should consider having a stable residence to go to school.
The sense of responsibility forces us to walk into the examination room again, give up the previous workplace accumulation and move towards a new unit, starting from scratch. After working for 13 years, it is a challenge and an adventure for both of them to start a new chapter with a new job.
Most of the new recruits are highly educated "young people". In contrast, the only advantage is that they have more than ten years of "work experience", and they will not be arrogant, take it for granted, and dare not fail.
In this way, from the thirteenth year after marriage, a family of three can finally live a normal life together.
However, life is like this, and it is impossible to plan everything perfectly.
New units, new employees, new jobs and busyness also follow. I used to be on the construction site, and I didn't worry about getting on and off the bus and flying on the road every day.
The only inconvenience after having a fixed residence in the city is the daily commute. Either he runs or I rush, and the unit often works overtime, and the hard work is self-evident.
With more than ten years' work experience and serious study attitude, both of them have got stable positions in the new unit and are listed as "old employees", which is much easier than their previous jobs.
So, like most people, we can enjoy and plan all the holidays every year normally, starting with the economic group tour, and starting the self-driving mode after accumulating experience to open a more exciting world.
As I walk farther and farther, I deeply feel the lack of knowledge reserve.
Nervous about "makeup", I recommended famous lecture halls to him, and he recommended celebrity classics to me. People, stories, historic sites, browsing, learning and going.
If you don't know about historic sites on the way, go home and look through books. What you can't see at home, on-site verification. In this way, we traveled all over the country as planned, and we are looking forward to walking the world together. Some places go back and forth, and the rest is the deep tour in the future.
Body and soul are always on the road, always on the road to growth.
I am a person with few brain circuits and study hard, but my memory is like a goldfish, and I forget it as soon as I turn my head. He always said that I was "much happier" because of it.
His amazing brain capacity can almost be my "mobile encyclopedia". I have heard, seen, seen and told in my memory. Many famous poems and sentences can be easily obtained.
When we are driving on the Qinghai-Tibet Highway and at the foot of Kunlun Mountain, he will recite with his hand on the steering wheel:
It turned out to be life, Kunlun Mountain, reading all the spring scenery in the world.
You are like three million flying Yu-lung Pai, cutting through the sky.
Once, the car got stuck in Chishui River on the border of Guizhou. As dusk approached, I was restless in the car, but he quietly recited:
First frost morning, horseshoe broken, horn swallowed.
Xiongguan road is as iron as iron, and now it is still one step away from the beginning.
From the beginning, Cangshan was like the sea and the sunset was like blood.
Passing through Xuancheng, "Seeing each other late, only Jingting Mountain" and "The Story of Xie Tiao Building"; When passing by the county, he reminded me to remember My Humble Room Inscription?
There is a "Wujiang Pavilion" in Hexian County. Many people in history have commented on Xiang Yu's suicide. Everyone's eyes have different conclusions, which seem to make sense. It turns out that the world is not as black and white as we thought when we were young. There are two kinds of good people and bad people.
Du Mu's topic Wujiang Pavilion:
"The victory or defeat of the military commander is unexpected, and it is a shameful man. There are many talented children in Jiangdong. Whether they will make a comeback is still unknown.
Wang Anshi analyzed it calmly with politicians:
A brave man who has suffered many battles and is exhausted mourns, and it is difficult to recover from the defeat of the Central Plains. Although the children of Jiangdong are here today, are they willing to make a comeback with the king?
Li Qingzhao's "Summer quatrains" is a direct expression of his feelings, and patriotic feelings gush out;
Live and be a man among men; Die and become the soul in the soul. Today, people still miss Xiang Yu because he refused to live and returned to the East.
Living under the same roof, eating and living together, traveling around the world and studying together, and I am Bandu, with a few seconds of memory, all the knowledge and stories that I will never see for the first time. So, for 30 years, we studied together, and I just grew up with him.
He never lets me face the night alone when I can't sleep.
He will chat with me, or tell me stories. Sometimes he is very excited, and he will talk until dawn before he knows it. Some people wonder how an old couple can talk so much and talk all night.
We still have many topics, starting from school, to analyze which are regrets in this life, which are unforgettable blessings in this life, and which are true friendships; I will also tell stories about my travels, places I walked together, exciting scenes I met, unforgettable people and things I learned. And those historical chronologies that I can never remember, from which year of Xia Dynasty to which year, where Lao Tzu worked, and where Sima Qian came from. ...
This chat mode started with my insomnia, and later became a fixed "bedtime story". Or talk endlessly while walking, people in the yard will wonder why you always hold hands when walking. It was an unintentional action, perhaps to be more accommodating.
He often jokes, thank you for being my listener. To this end, I will also "prepare lessons" during the day. I dare not talk nonsense for fear of misleading you, so I remember more and more, and my knowledge will grow with the years.
Think of "Martin East Gate Pool"
Outside the East Gate, it can be used as a retting pool. The beautiful and kind three girls can match her singing skills.
Outside the east gate, it can be used as a pond. Three beautiful and kind girls can talk about their families.
Outside the east gate, it can be used as an immersion pool. Three beautiful and kind girls can sue with her.
The east gate protects the city and can be used as a pond. Three beautiful and kind girls can sing with her.
... can be used as a swimming pool ... can chat at home.
... can be used as a soaking pool ... you can tell her your heart.
If the marriage is long, it is obviously not enough to have love alone, but also to have affection; However, there seems to be a passive maintenance of marriage with only blood relationship; A long and sweet marriage must have endless complaints about the same language. No matter how old you are, you can be a girl.
I couldn't ride a bike before. At that time, bicycles were the main means of transportation for free travel in cities. He forced me to learn to drive. Later, family cars became popular, and he taught me to drive first.
No matter how reluctant I am, he insists that I learn. This is the premise of improving your quality of life, which can not only expand your life radius, but also broaden your horizons. Although he never lets me drive when we go out together.
Before I got my driver's license, I never wanted to drive and have my own car in my life. Otherwise, I can't take my best friend to northwest go on road trip, Sanya and Oceania! These journeys with girlfriends are full of joy and memories of a lifetime.
Some people plan to save money when they pay their first salary, and fix their savings every month, but money is always tight and never easy. My family is rich, but I still live as before.
We are the kind of people who have enough money to go to Tibet and buy tickets at once; If you have enough money to buy a car, you will go straight to the auto market; Therefore, people around us always think that we are rich when they see that we are "rich".
Dare not spend tomorrow's money like others. Today's money is always dare to spend. Of course, it's not that I don't want to save money I have to satisfy my present life before I can consider the future!
Since we got married, we quarreled about who washed the dishes, but never about money. Even if we bought the first suite, we only had 20 yuan in our pocket.
He used to have severe sinusitis. Massage him when he is free after marriage, and then the symptoms disappear unconsciously. His gratitude is due to my massage. In fact, because of his own growth, the relaxed environment, the improvement of self-confidence and the reduction of pressure, all are factors for the cure of rhinitis.
You will remember to thank each other for the little things you are used to in life, so that they will feel that he is very important to you.
From the beginning of marriage, the dirty, heavy and tired work at home must be left to men, which is his rule, otherwise it will be a loss if it does not reflect the value of men.
Confucius said, "I forgot to eat when I was angry, and I forgot my worries when I was happy. I didn't know that old age was coming."
I have been married for 30 years unconsciously, and my sons are also very independent at work. And as usual, we don't feel how old we are or how long we have been together. Just become more familiar with each other, more inclusive, more the same.
That day, when I was having dinner, I just put the food on the table and looked up and saw the rosy clouds outside the window. Looked at each other, didn't speak, at the same time put down the pots and pans, carrying a mobile phone to the roof.
Leave my mother alone and stay there in a daze. Five minutes later, when we came back smiling, we heard her ask as soon as we entered the door.
"What just happened?"
"The sun is going down, let's send it together."
Mom is even more confused.
After 30 years of marriage, what I want to tell young people most is a passage by American theologian Timothy Keller.
Even if you find the right person from the beginning, it won't be long before the other person will change. Because marriage is such an important event in life, it means that if we walk in together, we are not the same person.
Remember, the marriage can last because both of us gave up high expectations.