Most adults live in passive situations, doing things they don’t want to do every day. Of course, there are also some Buddhist people who live a life of letting nature take its course every day. If we compare these two types of people, I would prefer the Buddhist type.
How long has it been since you read seriously?
Speaking of reading, I always want to have a lot of time to read, to read books in my own professional field, to read educational theory, to read poetry, but I haven’t read it seriously for a long time. . Regarding reading, I always feel that if I don't read a few pages of a book seriously, the day will be wasted. But even with this kind of mood, I can't read a few pages every day. There are indeed a lot of trivial things to do as a teacher. It has been a month since the summer vacation and I still haven’t fully adjusted. Another reason is that colleagues often say that everyone is like stepping on Hot Wheels, but there are still things to do. I do a lot of useless work every day, and have been busy with micro-classes all night. Now I almost have to completely rework, and I don’t want to persist anymore. We always want too much, but the actions never come.
How long has it been since you lived the life you wanted?
It seems that many things are not allowed after getting married. When you go out to play with friends like before, you have more things on your mind, such as tasks at school and people waiting at home, so you stop playing with your friends. My ideal used to be to find a job close to home, and from time to time I would have dinner and sing with my friends, but singing happened a long time ago.
Not long ago, I went to a billiard hall with a friend and agreed to play billiards for an hour. Although my skills were not very good, it was still a hobby. I was forced to play billiards for less than an hour by my lover's phone call. The next day, my lover told me that the billiard hall was a shady place.
It feels like I haven’t lived a free life for a long time, and I live in layers of shackles every day. Maybe this feeling also comes from taking myself too seriously.
I remember that when the old teacher saw me busy, he would tell me: Don’t be too busy, your health is important. Everyone can survive without you at school, but you can’t survive without you at home.
Only after I started working did I realize that things can never be done, especially after I started working part-time as an administrator, I tortured myself many times. I feel more and more that I am not suitable to take this path, because I have sacrificed too much of my time, and the main reason is that it is not suitable for me. I seem to feel that maybe if it takes longer, I will get used to this kind of work intensity or working mode, but I can't see the future.
In short, what I do every day is not what I like to do.
I used to love classes very much. The podium was my spiritual sustenance and the happiest place my soul had ever been. However, now I am not happy anymore. I have a dissatisfaction with this profession. other perspectives that are indelible. In the past, I was jumping around on the podium, but now I am like a dead pig on the podium. What does not change is the form, but what changes is the soul.
Every step of the way, I was being designed to go. It was not at all the path I wanted to take, and I didn’t know if it was the right way to go.
Today, I feel a little irritable. There are always these few days every month, which are a bit unparalleled. Let’s just think that today’s text is purely to vent my bad emotions. It was late at night and I was very sleepy.