If I want to talk about love deeply, my qualifications are not enough. China people have the habit of analyzing problems rationally, and most of them have a process of collecting and sorting out information. Can't talk about reality, let's talk about the ancients! ? In the eyes of China people, love often cannot escape from anxiety, sadness and melancholy. The long-term confinement of women in China makes China's love poems always have a sad mood. After the Tang Dynasty, more love poems expressed longing and disappointment, nostalgia and thoughts after parting. Li Qingzhao, a poetess in the Song Dynasty, mainly described boudoir feelings and scenery in her early days. She said, "Looking for it, it's cold and clear, and it's sad and miserable." Tells the inner loneliness and emptiness.
From another point of view, a novel should describe a story. Look at the most popular mode: when a guest of the same age comes to a certain gathering or home, it is easy to have admiration because he rarely goes out to meet people. Then there are natural troubles and sadness. Under the oppression of society and the bondage of tradition, she can only do her best to hide this vague and strong desire, and then have a personal relationship. Then there will always be some episodes, either the war makes them in a different place, or one of them is forced to arrange a marriage by his parents, or something happens during the exam, causing both sides to wait, be anxious and anxious. If you have sincere and warm feelings, you will get lovesickness. This pattern is strikingly similar in China's love stories. Trapped by love, his face is bloodless, his eyes are dim, his parents are worried, and then he can arrange a marriage quickly, just as the last sentence of the usual happy ending of China opera sings: "May all lovers in the world be well."
Compared with this sad situation, modern lovers should be quite happy. There is no so-called "marriage" from superiors to subordinates; Finger-to-belly marriage without starting in the mother's belly; There is no social and ethical requirement that a woman only serves one husband. The civilization of society can change the way of love, but it can't kill it. No matter what social attribute, how the ruling class imprisons women and instills a complete set of traditional moral education, love exists objectively, and will not change because of the change of social background, but only a formal phenomenon.
then, looking at the past and the present, does society suddenly change its understanding and become open now?
going back to ancient times, it has been about 3 million years since human beings were born. Although there were still some animal instincts at that time, there were some taboos, which should be regarded as the beginning of human social attributes! There was no love at that time. Of course, this is just a family statement, and there is no basis.
love must have at least three conditions: first, being single-minded; Second equality; Third cultural quality. Love is a comprehensive experience of many feelings, which is related to personal taste, ideals, morality, interests and other concepts. "Guan Guanluo dove, in the river continent. My fair lady, a gentleman is good. " In the Book of Songs, the object standards admired by both men and women have been clearly written. Qu Yuan, a great patriotic poet of Chu, also directly expressed his thoughts and hard pursuit of his lover in Li Sao.
The time of spreading the canvas of the world horizontally coincides with the far-reaching Platonic love in the west, which is the earliest existing document in the development of western love civilization. Platonic love, as an idea, has influenced generations of westerners. China called Platonic love "spiritual love". This kind of love thinks that the combination of the body is impure and dirty, and that love and lust are two opposite states. When the mind accepts the truth, it must abandon the body. At this time, the human body is polluted by sin, and people must give up the body if they want to pursue the truth. Today, it seems unacceptable. It is a kind of sublimation, which can be understood as the true "love" that Plato yearned for, a persistent love, an ideal love ...
When I returned to China and began to have love, people's consciousness was vague. Until the feudal society that began in the summer, this not only meant social progress, but also meant that the feudal shackles began to trap people's necks. After the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, the matchmaking marriage was formally established. The Book of Songs Qi Feng "If you take a wife, you must tell your parents." With the development of the system, there are more taboos. If there were some "ancient relics" before, the centralization of the Qin Dynasty not only ruled the monarch over the ministers, but also involved the control of women. This compulsion and oppression to avoid love made the haze deeper. In the Sui and Tang Dynasties, especially after the emergence of the "rule of Zhenguan" and "rule of Kaiyuan", the wind of social material and cultural extravagance began to spread, and the most typical one was the "love" of emperors. Tang Xuanzong's lust for beauty for many years caused national sorrow and personal love tragedy with Yang Yuhuan. But just imagine, an emperor's harem is 3 thousand, what about love?
China's history is full of repetition and separation. By the deepening of the concept of Neo-Confucianism in the Song Dynasty, the taboo of love between men and women became more and more, and women's foot-binding began to rise at this time, and men and women were not close to each other. All kinds of chastity concepts in Cheng Zhu's Neo-Confucianism, such as "starvation is small, and infidelity is big", embody "preserving justice and destroying human nature" He caused some distortion in human psychology, dignity and freedom. It can be said that in feudal society, this is also a standard of abstinence.
The biggest difference between ancient and modern love concepts lies in an emphasis on results and a process. Ancient love tragedies were generally caused by feudal system. The author expressed his feelings and criticized the social ruling class at that time, which was also a kind of resistance. Or it is a common comedy, "I hope people will live for a long time, and thousands of miles will be beautiful." Therefore, marriage should be regarded as a carrier of love at that time. Without the facade of marriage, no matter how great love is, it will eventually be reviled by people. Besides reputation and future happiness, there is also the possibility of losing life. The ruler wisely formulated all kinds of torture to deal with women who fell in love without the guardrail of marriage.
it was not until after the Qing dynasty that some people of insight began to seriously think about the rationality of this inequality between men and women. In the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom Movement at the end of feudal society, Hong Xiuquan made relevant regulations on the marriage system at that time, and put forward that "all marriages are regardless of wealth", which completely ended the comprador marriage that lasted for thousands of years, and did not forget to issue a certificate, which is somewhat similar to the current marriage certificate. Women enjoy a certain social status and equal rights and obligations in politics, economy and culture, which provides the possibility that marriage is really for love.
China has a long history of thousands of years. The oppressive and heavy shackles of feudal society net people's bodies, but cannot cover people's eyes. In order to deepen their rule and fool and suppress their subjects, the ruling class has formulated various commandments. Love is a product that can only be produced under the condition of free communication, and it is a product of the combination of spirit and lust. Before Xia and Shang Dynasties, people were matriarchal clan society. Everyone had no father's surname but only one mother. There is no inhuman system, and there is no infringement of feudal ideology that eats people. At first glance, the feudal society is really like a cancer, while the primitive society is as free, affluent and happy as it is now ... Actually, it is not. The productivity of the primitive society is low, and there are also many taboos for the lack of common sense of many natural principles and physiology. When people learn to use the system to demand themselves and others, the society is actually progressing. There were not so many taboos in primitive society, but they have increased since we entered the feudal system. That's because the social structure is complicated.
When we jump into modern times, people's sense of freedom has been enhanced, but there are also some gray shadows. Time is tight, modern people's lives are hectic, and they have no time to take care of too much sentiment and romance. Society is a big wheel, and everyone strives for development and efficiency in everything. Do everything under the schedule of time and live a regular but irregular life, including love. Modern people doubt love as much as they doubt everything around them. People's material conditions are much superior and more free than before, but they have become fragile and suspicious. People live in groups because of their limited ability and cannot be separated from groups; Now that we are working alone, we should be thankful for social development. After the social structure is complicated, the structure of people is also complicated. Who makes people adaptive animals? Nowadays, people are exposed to dozens of times more external temptations than before, and they are overwhelmed all the time. People have learned to protect themselves. In the state of self-protection all the time, it is inevitable to be suspicious.
However, love has no distinction between time and space. It is not because society has a system that different kinds of love are separated. Love itself exists, and the system only restricts people's expression. Pure love has been pursued by people since ancient times, and an ideal realm has been yearned for by the world. Sincere communication, honesty, no deception, no power, no class, no possession, no separation, no sadness … seems to be an impossible realm. Since the privatization of property, people can't be equal.
Love is a war. It is intense during the war, and calm after the war. Accepting the calmness and monotony is the best guarantee for the long-term love. The difference is that war brings benefits, but love does not. Most people will report an ideal: love is going to marriage. Marriage is a more simple and realistic emotion than the romance of love, and it is a commitment to love. Although it is clear that love does not need to promise anything, human nature is always afraid of losing it. Since children have just learned what "I" is from the mirror, they will learn another word-"mine" as quickly as possible. Humans like to own things, not just to appreciate them. There are countless concubines in the imperial harem in ancient times, which is because of the psychology of possession. Because he has rights, he has them. It's not that ordinary people don't want to have it, but they don't have the ability.
People who are in love are most likely to be "delirious". People like to hide their own defects, and even the proudest people will confess everything in front of their lovers, give up all pretenses and show the most essential side. If not, then he just cheated himself, and then he was sincere to others through his deceived self.
in a word, love from the soul is beautiful. People of any age and country have the same desire for love. When love comes, we should accept it with the most sincere and pure heart and experience it.