I am an orphan, perhaps the result of son preference, perhaps the product of love and irresponsibility between men and women.
Zheye takes me home.
That year, he returned to the city from the countryside and saw me in the garbage dump at the station. A beautiful and quiet little girl is surrounded by many people. The baby girl smiled at him when he stepped forward.
He gave me a home and a beautiful name, Yao Tao. Later, he said, when I smile, I can be called the death of a peach and burn its brilliance.
Zheye's life is extremely sad. His parents were both returned scholars, but they didn't escape the cultural catastrophe. Both of them died in anger, and Zhe was not spared. He was sent to the countryside and separated from his girlfriend Lao Yan who had been in love for many years. He was alone from then on until he came back to the city to find me at the age of 35.
My name is uncle zhe.
Childhood is not too unpleasant in my memory. Just remove one thing.
At school, some naughty boys in my class called me an asshole. I went home crying and told Zheye. Zheye picked me up from school the next day and asked the boy: Who said she was a bastard? When the little boy saw the tall and burly Zheye, he didn't dare to make any noise. Zheye sneered: If anyone says that again, I'll hit him! Someone whispered that she was either born to you or an illegitimate child. Zheye took my hand and replied with a smile: But I cherish her more than my own daughter. If you don't believe me, who will stand up and show me? Whose clothes are as beautiful as hers? Whose shoes and schoolbags look better than hers? She drinks milk and eats bread every morning. What do you eat? The children were suddenly discouraged.
After that, no one called me an asshole anymore. When I grow up, I always laugh when I think about it.
My life is much luckier than ordinary orphans.
My favorite place is the study. The room is full of books, and under the big bright window is Zheye's desk. When the sun is shining, his majestic silhouette is like a backlit painting. I always look for books by myself, and when I find them, I nest on the sofa. Every once in a while, Zheye will look back at me. His smile is warmer than the sunshine outside the window in winter. Tired of watching, I lay on his shoulder and watched him draw and write quietly.
He smiled: Do you want to be my job when you grow up?
I pouted: no, the sun is so dirty.
Ah, I forgot to mention that Zheye is a construction engineer. But the wind and the sun didn't hurt his appearance at all. He is always neat and elegant in Wen Ya.
On-off, on-off and on-off, it's not that there are no women who want to enter Zheye's life.
When I was eight years old, once, Zheye almost talked about marriage with a woman. That woman is a teacher, smart and beautiful. I don't know why I don't like her, but I always feel that the smile on her face is very sticky. Zhe was there, too. She smiled at me sweetly and gently. When she was away, the smile disappeared like magic. I'm afraid of her. One day I was reading a picture book on the balcony. She asked me: What about your parents? Never come to see you once? I froze and looked at her, not knowing what to say. She mumbled twice and said, this child is stupid. No wonder they don't want you. I was shocked. Suddenly Zheye came with a livid face, took my hand and went back to my room without saying anything.
I cry alone in the quilt at night. Zheye came in, hugged me and said, don't be afraid, don't cry.
Then I stopped seeing that woman and came to our house.
Later, I heard Qiu Fei, a good friend of Zheye, ask him why he broke up again. Master Zhe said that this woman has a bad heart. If she marries her, there will be no good life after her death. Qiu Fei said, you still can't forget Aspidistra. When I was eight years old, I firmly remembered this name. I didn't know until I grew up that Aspidistra was Zheye's girlfriend.
We've always lived alone. Zheye handled everything well, including letting me spend my adolescence smoothly and healthily.
After I was admitted to the university, I stayed on campus until the weekend because the school was far from home.
Zheye sometimes asks me: Do you have a boyfriend? I always smile and keep silent. There are several excellent boys in the school who always like to walk around me, but I don't like any of them: A is tall and handsome, but his grades are third-rate; B good homework, good eloquence, but looks really average; C seems to have a good homework, but he is like a fool. ...
I seldom talk to my male classmates. In my eyes, they are all naive and superficial. Once they are in front of people, it is too late to show their best. They are too easy to track and lose stability.
On my twentieth birthday, Zheye gave me a red gem ring. Zheye has bought me this kind of sporadic jewelry for a long time. What he said is: When a girl is older, she needs some decent things to decorate. After dinner, he accompanied me to the mall, and I bought whatever I liked immediately.
After returning to school, I found that my classmates like to talk about me behind my back. I don't care either. Because of my own life experience, I am used to being gossiped. Until one day, a good female classmate pulled me privately: They said that you have a boyfriend much older than you? I am puzzled: who said that? She said: It is said that several people saw it. You go shopping with him, and you are very affectionate! No wonder you don't like these poor boys. So you are next to the Kong Fang brothers! I thought for a while and my face turned red. After a while, I smiled: they misunderstood.
I didn't explain. Sitting quietly reading, the heat on your face will never fade.
Go home at the weekend and clean up as usual. Zheye's room is very clean, and there is a sweater he often wears by the bed. This is a beige bottleneck. I was looking at a gray chicken collar when I bought it. I chose this one. At this time, Zheye smiled and said, Well, it's up to you. It seems that Xiaoyao thinks I am old and wants me to dress younger.
I folded my clothes slowly, smiling and thinking about some odds and ends.
In the following period of time, I found that Zheye was in a good mental state and walked lightly, and occasionally I heard him hum some songs, a bit like when I was admitted to college. I want to know.
I got a call from Zheye on Friday, asking me to go home early and go out for dinner with him.
He shaved and changed his clothes. I doubt it: someone introduced you to a girlfriend? Zheye smiled: I'm old, why talk about girlfriends? It's your uncle Qiu and another old friend for many years. You can call her Aunt Ye in the future.
I know, it must be a spider holding an egg.
Zheye told me on the road that some time ago he came into contact with Aspidistra through Qiu Fei. Her husband died a few years ago, and it feels good to see him again this time. They are going to get married if nothing happens.
I answered casually, and gradually felt that my feet were cold and slowly spread upward.
When I arrived at the hotel, I took an objective look at Aspidistra: slightly fat, but not bloated, with a youthful charm in my brow. Compared with women of her age, she undoubtedly has an advantage. But standing with Hidano, she looks much older.
She is very kind to me. She loves me and my dog.
When I got home, Zheye asked me: What do you think of Aunt Ye? I said: you are all going to get married, of course I said yes.
I didn't fall asleep until the wee hours.
When I went back to school, I was ill. I have a fever and refuse to skip class. I just felt top-heavy and ended up in the classroom.
When I woke up, I was lying in the hospital, hanging an infusion bag or bottle, and Zheye was sitting beside reading.
I smiled wearily: Where am I? Zheye nervously touched my head: I finally woke up, and the viral cold turned into pneumonia. Your children are always careless. I smiled: If you want to get sick, what can you do if you are careful?
Zheye is in the hospital besides going to work. Every time I wake up from a coma, I will immediately look for him. I must see him at once to feel at ease. I heard him tell Aspidistra on the phone: Yao Yao is ill, and I am not available these days. I'll contact you when she is well. I smiled bitterly. If I am sick and can let him take care of me every day, then I can't afford to get sick.
I stayed in the hospital for a week before I went home. Zheye put a sofa in front of my house and lay on it at night. I made a slight noise and he got up to visit.
I remember when I was young, my crib was in Zheye's room. I have to go to the toilet in the middle of the night, so I grope for it myself, but Zheye always hears it quickly. Turn on the light for me and say, be careful. I didn't sleep by myself until I went to primary school.
The spider came to see me with a bunch of flowers and fruits. I thanked her politely. Her cooking is delicious, but I can't eat it. I went back to my room early and lay down.
I had a dream. I dreamed that Zheye and Aspidistra finally got married. They are all very young, and spiders look very beautiful in white gauze.
And a big man like me plays the role of a flower girl. Zheye smiled happily, but didn't look back at me. I clearly smelled the fragrance of lilies floating from the bride's bouquet ... I suddenly sat up and woke up. After a long time, I lay back and closed my eyes in despair.
In the dark, I heard Zhe come in, and then the little lamp beside the bed came on. He sighed: What dream did you have? Crying so hard. I pretended to sleep, but my tears dripped down my eyes like a leaky faucet to my ears. Zheye's warm fingers scratched those tears again and again, but they couldn't stop.
This disease has been lingering for more than ten days. When we recovered, Zheye and I lost a lot of weight. He said, let's go home and live. There are so many people in a dormitory at school that the air is not good.
He picks me up by motorcycle every day.
Facing his back, my heart is always happy and sad.
Spiders hold eggs and never come to our house again. After a long time, I was convinced that Aspidistra, like the female teacher, was a thing of the past.
Graduated smoothly and took office.
I live happily and peacefully, with no side, just me and Zheye. Since I can't say anything, I'll just keep the status quo like this.
But God won't give me such long-term happiness.
Zheye fainted on the construction site. The doctor diagnosed it as advanced liver cancer. I am in a hurry, but I still know how to ask the doctor calmly: How many days are there? The doctor said: a year, maybe a little longer.
I took grandpa zhe home. He's not in bed. Go to work during the day and ask for an hour's care. At noon and at night, I take care of him personally.
Zhe also smiled and said, Look, it has dragged me down. I should go out with my boyfriend.
I smiled, too: boyfriend? That's not Qian Shan. Qianshan is just idle.
Every day after dinner, Zhe and I also go out for a walk. I grabbed his arm. In addition to being thinner than before, he is still tall and elegant. To outsiders, this is not a picture of family relations. Only I can see the cruel truth under the beautiful appearance. I am sober and sad. I can clearly see that my last days with Zhe are disappearing rapidly day by day.
Zheye lived quietly as usual. Read books and design drawings. The hourly worker said that he spent most of his time in the study every day.
I like this research more and more. After dinner, we always make a cup of tea, sit opposite Zheye, play chess and a game of poker. Then help Zheye sort out his information. He stipulated that I was not allowed to touch a bunch of things. I am curious. Finally, I peeked while he was away.
Those are thick diaries.
"Yao Yao has two front teeth. I went to pick her up after work and staggered up to ask me for a hug. "
"F's tenth birthday, ZhuZhe uncle forever young. I am happy, Xiaoyao, she is really a flower in my lonely life. "
"Today, I sent F to report to the university. She is better than me in everything. I just realized that she has grown into a beautiful girl and I am dying. I hope her life will not be as lonely as mine. "
"Qiu Fei told me about the recent situation of Aspidistra, but the meeting was not as wonderful as I thought. She is much older, although her elegance in her youth has not changed. She didn't hide her remaining feelings for me. "
"Yao Yao pneumonia. I kept calling my name in my lethargy, but I only cried when I woke up. I was shocked. I didn't expect that marrying a spider and holding eggs would have such a big impact on her. "
"When F came back from school, I felt chilly in my back. I took off my clothes and checked it, only to find that it was so wet. Alas, this child. "
"The doctor announced that I have one year to live. I'm not afraid, but Yaoyao, she is a big deal to me. How to make her live a healthy and happy life after my death is my primary consideration. "
……
I held my diary and tears came down. It turns out that he knows, it turns out that he knows.
In a few days, the pile of books will be gone. I know zhe ye has taken care of it. He doesn't want me to know that he knows my mind, but he doesn't know that I already know.
Zhe also left the next spring. Before he died, he held my hand and said, I want to give you to a good boy and watch him put a ring on you before leaving. It's too late.
I smile. He forgot my ring. He bought it for me when I was twenty.
There is a letter from him in the desk drawer, with a few short words: Yaoyao, you can miss me when I am gone, but don't always think about me. It is my greatest comfort that you can live a peaceful and peaceful life. Uncle.
I didn't cry my eyes out.
Wake up in the middle of the night, you can still hear him say, be careful.
While sorting out the clutter in the study, I found a dusty clay pot in the corner of the cabinet. It is very simple and interesting. I took it out, washed it, and then stayed there. There is no decoration on it, only four words: you gave birth to me before I was born, and I was old when I was born. Hate is not born at the same time. Hello every day.
At this time, my tears, unscrupulous surging down.