Perhaps, from now on, love, freedom and beauty will be my lifelong pursuit, but I think love is still the first cause in life. Without the freedom of love in life, there will be no other freedom. Martyr martyrdom, martyr martyrdom and lover partiality all have the same meaning, the same frankness and the same heroism.
If one day I get your love, then my wandering life will have a home. Only love can stop me from rushing. Let me stay with you for a while. You know sadness is like a saw sawing my soul.
……
Xu Zhimo, who regards love as a great cause, has a unique understanding of love. "Real life is self-seeking, real happiness is self-seeking, and real love is self-seeking." Therefore, he dedicated all his feelings and all his love to Lin. However, "fate is so blunt, blind and willful." When Xu Zhimo woke up from his dream and his sweetheart was married, he also answered his words, "I visited my only soul mate in the vast sea of people, and I was lucky to get it;" No, my life. Fate is so heartless and indifferent to him!
However, Xu Zhimo did not lose Lin. In the following years, they founded the Crescent Society, edited and published new poems, received the Indian poet Tagore, and performed the lyric drama Zidra based on Tagore's Mahabharata, playing the hero and heroine who fell in love with each other respectively. On the stage, the two men were so tacit and harmonious, as if they had regained the feeling of mastery through a comprehensive study and love and killing each other in Cambridge, so that even Liang Qichao, who didn't know English, saw the clue and was a little annoyed, let alone Liang Sicheng. The feeling of mutual affection on the stage inspired Xu Zhimo. Tagore also saw the poet's feelings for Lin, so the talented old man personally begged Lin. However, wrong, fate never smiled at Xu Zhimo. When accompanying poets and philosophers to Beiping, Xu Zhimo had a feeling of farewell. Yesterday, he also performed on the same stage, with beautiful eyes looking forward to it. Today, the old Yan Xi will fly away from the sea, and the sky is endless. He couldn't help feeling the ups and downs of his thoughts and his eyes were moist. When the train was about to leave, he wrote disappointedly, "Farewell! How can you believe it? I think I'm going crazy. Who can cut so much silk? Yes, such a love line, such a continuous love line that I want to break and connect, how can it be cut off? !
The love between Lin and Liang Sicheng is not always smooth. Liang Sicheng's mother and sister are both opposed to this marriage, and only Liang Qichao is trying to fix it. In those distressed days, Lin regarded Xu Zhimo as a close friend, but Xu Zhimo was inspired by every letter from Lin, and the feelings of breaking up were once again closely tied with him. He writes letters, poems and clouds to express his passion.
Lin finally married Liang Sicheng, and Xu Zhimo also married Lu Xiaoman. But they still care about each other and understand each other, especially in literature. The second issue of Poetry Magazine founded by Xu Zhimo published three love poems of Lin. The tenderness and delicacy in the poem contains enthusiasm and sincerity, which is both sad and charming in pursuit and yearning. Xu Zhimo gave a great evaluation and said a good word, which was natural and wonderful. This gave Lin great encouragement, and she embarked on a long journey of poetry creation, expressing her love for life and life with poetry. Xu Zhimo did not give up his love for Lin because of their respective changes. He published a poem named "You're gone" in Poetry Magazine, which was written for Lin. This poem is full of warmth and love for Lin and shows his eternal friendship. This poem is still so exciting to read that every time I see it, I can't help but be moved and let the surging thoughts hit my heart. The deep, deep and lofty feelings in the poem are a shock and baptism to modern people.
Maybe it's a jealous genius, maybe it's a poor life, maybe it's enough of human joys and sorrows. After being hit by life and emotion, Xu Zhimo finally turned into a white cloud in the sky and was blown away by the wind. He likes flying, and wrote in an essay, "Fly to the sky to float, watch the earth roll in space, see the sea from the land, and then look back at the land from the sea." Looking from the air-this is the interest, authority and explanation of being a man. From then on, he can always look at it in the air and see it forever.
Lin, who gave a speech in Concorde Auditorium that day, cast her eager eyes at the door several times, but the figure she expected just didn't appear. The next day, Lin, who was looking forward to wearing autumn water, fainted to the ground in grief when he learned the news of Xu Zhimo's death. After waking up, a fire flashed in front of her eyes all day, and she was crying in her heart, Zhimo! Did you just leave quietly? Sigh that your demeanor is not as good as flowing water, and you are also on cloud nine. I mourn the soul of poetry, how sad the wind is and how sad the rain is!
Sad Lin wrote an article "Mourning for Zhimo" to Beiping Morning Post, full of sadness and tears. Later, Lin analyzed the pure friendship between her and Xu Zhimo in a letter to Hu Shi. She said that she was not ashamed of their love, but gave her a lot of help in character, knowledge and cultivation. Since then, Mo Zhi has become a kind of rigidity in her life. No matter whether it is hate, anger, joy, sadness, regret or pain, she has no regrets. In the letter, Lin also mentioned that Xu Zhimo gave her friendship and love, which made her very sad and sympathized with him. She said: "I miss him very much these days, but I'm afraid I can't change my treatment of him if he is alive." Maybe that's why I don't love him enough. That is to say, I love my present home above everything else, and Shima also admitted this. I'm afraid this is also the reason why their love lasted for more than ten years and eventually they didn't get married. Probably, this is also the result I am looking for, right?
A few years later, Lin and Liang Sicheng passed by Zhejiang, the hometown of Xu Zhimo, and both were injured. Lin once again fell into the emotional shock and couldn't control himself. With tears in her eyes, she listened to the roar of the train and wrote the indescribable thoughts on paper:
Don't abandon
This passion of the past,
Flowing like running water
soft
Under the cool and quiet fountain,
In the dark pine forest,
Vague as a sigh,
But you shouldn't be real.
It is also the moon,
The lights on the other side of the mountain give the same light,
The stars in the sky,
Make people invisible,
It seems that you are hanging on it like a dream.
You asked the darkness to come back,
That sentence-you still have to believe,
Put it in the valley
There's an echo
This poem truly shows the poet's nostalgia and memories.
On the occasion of the fourth anniversary of Xu Zhimo's death, Lin wrote an essay to commemorate the fourth anniversary of Xu Zhimo's death, which was published in Ta Kung Pao. The article enthusiastically affirmed Xu Zhimo's poetic achievements and praised his poetic life everywhere. Love, freedom and beauty are the soul of a poet, and sincerity to the world, friends and poetry is the character of a poet. She complained about the injustice suffered by the poet after his death and called for conscience and friendship. What she dedicated to Xu Zhimo was not just a eulogy, but "the sound of a seed bursting in a crack, the song of the poet's soul being sawed off and crying".
Less than true love, more than pure friendship, is not the kind of mental and sexual madness between lovers, not the kind of casual and indifference between ordinary friends. The feelings between them cannot be truly stated, which is unforgettable and elusive, immersed in the bone marrow and forever detached. Well, with my pen, I really don't know how to express it. ...