( 1)
Mei's voice was as soft as I remember, and my head was forced to open a crack and shuttle back to the year I didn't want to go back. It was 20 10, and I was about to enter the third year of purgatory.
But when I am nervous, I also have expectations. The source of expectation lies in a piece of paper from the Education Bureau. Because I failed in the senior high school entrance examination, I reluctantly came to this poorly ranked high school. This high school is far away from the urban area, the enrollment rate has been declining year after year, and the number of students is increasingly scarce. Finally, with the approval of the Education Bureau, he officially entered the third senior high school in the city. And I am lucky to catch up with this "good times". After the Spring Festival, I will move to a new school. For this reason, my parents have been running many times, hoping to get me a relatively good liberal arts class.
Although the school has repeatedly stressed that the principle of class placement is random, both students and parents know that the actual operation method is based on the usual grades. After all, it is a four-star high school, and no class is willing to accept "drag bottles" casually, especially in our city known as the "hometown of education", where students' grades are directly linked to teachers' bonuses. My parents' efforts in the past few days finally paid off, and I was assigned to class A of liberal arts as I wished.
Life in the new school is completely different from what I imagined, and even makes me feel particularly depressed. When I introduced myself on the first day, someone in the audience sighed faintly and the class teacher had something to say, which greatly hurt my self-esteem. I walked quickly to my seat with my head down and didn't want to make eye contact with anyone. For a whole week, I didn't say a word to the new students in my class.
The appearance of Mei is like a "timely rain". She is my roommate and my only spiritual comfort. She and I are "difficult friends" in the same school. Although we are in different classes, it doesn't affect our growing intimacy. Mei has a good temper and is very considerate. If she comes back before me, she will often help me cook with hot water silently, and the snacks and counseling books sent from home will always be shared with me. Different from my dull introversion, Mei was optimistic and cheerful, and soon caught up with the learning progress of the new class and was elected as the representative of Chinese class. What makes me grateful is that Mei didn't ignore my feelings because of her good situation. On the contrary, she always encourages me to make changes. She has a pair of bright and clear eyes, and always looks at me with unquestionable sincerity.
Many times, I am walking alone on the way to class, looking at the bustling crowd around me, and often think that the luckiest thing after coming to the new school is probably meeting Mei.
(2)
It was after the mid-term exam last semester in senior three that Mei's change was discovered.
First of all, Mei came back from the evening self-study class obviously late. We finish class at 9 o'clock in the evening, usually not more than a quarter of an hour. Mei will call my name affectionately in the dormitory, and I will always lean out from the upper bunk and smile at Mei tacitly.
Then, Mei went out more and more frequently. Although we are boarding, every Saturday afternoon, the school usually finishes class two hours in advance, so that students can buy daily necessities. For senior three students, time is always in a race with time. Unless there is a special need, May and I will use this rare time to review our lessons. But now, I haven't seen her for three weeks in a row, and then May didn't tell me where she went.
Mei comes back late every day. Finally, one day, I didn't hear the sound of "waiting" until the lights in the dormitory went out. I quickly covered my head with a quilt. I have been secretly angry with Mei for "leaving without saying goodbye" these days. Maybe Mei's voice is a little loud, which has aroused the dissatisfaction of other girls. May is busy apologizing.
Although my back is turned to Mei, I can still feel her gaze on me accurately, which makes me unable to pretend to sleep. I turned around and looked into Mei's eyes, shining with excitement in the dark.
I got out of bed silently and accompanied her to the bathroom at the end of the corridor. I turned on the flashlight and glanced at it casually. In the mirror, her young face is still red. She looks feverish and excited. Such plums make me feel strange. I lowered my eyes and made up my mind that if Mei didn't say anything, I wouldn't ask anything.
The bathroom is quiet. Although Mei deliberately lowered her voice, she still trembled uncontrollably: "Jia, I am in love."
Surprisingly, I was not too surprised to hear this answer. Puppy love is probably impossible for me, but it happened to Mei. She is excellent and beautiful, and she can attract a group of people's attention wherever she goes.
"Who is it? Do I know? " I asked according to Mei's words, and my heart jumped unconsciously with Mei's high mood. It is a lie to say that I am not curious at this time.
"You know, it's Wei Qi from our class, the tall man who likes playing basketball." Mei was a little intoxicated. "We strolled on the playground every night and promised to go back after three laps, but every time he dragged me away, which caused me to come back late today and disturbed everyone."
"The playground is next to the staff dormitory. What if the teacher finds out? " Mei and I are all too familiar with the attitude and means of the school to "puppy love". Teachers will take turns regularly. Once they find something wrong, they will never tolerate it easily, from calling their parents to informing the whole school. Not only that, but each class teacher will also draw "eyeliner" inside the class. To be "safe and sound" under this tight protective net, I can't help worrying about Mei. "So were you with him when you went out?"
Mei nodded shyly. She seemed to know my worry, took my hand and said solemnly, "Jia, don't worry, I will be careful, and my study will not be affected by my relationship with you." You know, I made progress in the last midterm exam. "
Mei washed her face and looked up. She spread out her tied hair as if she were pointing at me, and as if she were muttering to herself, "Actually, I want to wait until I graduate from college, but Wei Qi said he doesn't want to waste every day with me. As long as I face him, I can't say no " Mei sighed gently, but the corners of her mouth could not help but evoke the radian of a smile, and the sweetness was clearly hidden in the tangled tone.
"I will keep a secret." I believe what May said. She is a measured person. As her good friend, I should keep my mouth shut.
The people in the dormitory are already fast asleep. Woke up in the middle of the night and saw the light on Mei's bed. May seems to be writing something. I didn't care, so I turned over and went back to sleep.
(3)
It was only more than four months from knowing that Mei was in love to Mei's accident.
At that time, we had just gone through the first make-up exam in the next semester of senior three. The school simulated the college entrance examination scene, disrupted all the students in the liberal arts class and rearranged the examination room and seats. It was in this exam that Mei's diary was turned out, and the contents in this diary were enough to set off an "uproar".
The promoter is a member of the Wei Qi Basketball Team. On weekdays, his relationship with Wei Qi is very tense. He was arranged to sit in May's seat. Originally, he just wanted to take out his history textbook and look at the knowledge points. Unexpectedly, he inadvertently took out Mei's diary.
Mei's diary was copied several times by him, and distributed one by one at the gate of each class. Gossip in my school days is always so easy to spread, but by morning, the "Diary Gate" incident had been widely circulated. I never dared to read these contents, and I consciously avoided the gossip of people around me. It was finally time for class, and I didn't even want to eat lunch, so I hurried back to the dormitory.
Unexpectedly, the discussion in the dormitory has just been in full swing. The girl sleeping next to me made no secret of her contempt: "I have long seen that it is not a good thing, slut, and dare to write these things in my diary, shameless!" "
Only when someone read the diary naked did I realize that things were much more serious than I thought. Mei He not only ate forbidden fruit many times outside school, but also recorded every experience in her diary. It is conceivable that the contents in this diary will be "shocking". It turned out that Mei was writing a diary that night. Recalling the conversation between Mei and me in the bathroom, I have mixed feelings, as if something had been broken by life.
I opened the door to leave, but I was stopped by vicious means: "Jia, you usually have such a good relationship with Mei. You already know this, right? "
There was a nameless fire burning, and I slammed the door without looking back. The shoulder strap of my schoolbag got stuck in the crack of the door. I pulled it hard and it broke completely with a bang.
Public opinion continues to ferment, and most people in the liberal arts class know that I have a good relationship with Mei, which makes me particularly sensitive. Teachers and school directors often talk to me, which is called "knowing the situation". From beginning to end, I have never defended Mei, just let others point out Mei in front of me. I don't want to admit that I chose silence because I was afraid that I would become the object of ridicule and the center of discussion. I am even more afraid of being excluded by everyone and even regretting it. I used to wish I had never known May.
One month after the incident, I deliberately avoided meeting May. Like other roommates, I regard her as air. As long as she wants to talk, I'll pack up and leave immediately. I can feel Mei's growing despair and helplessness. I also hate my cowardice and incompetence, but I never dare to cross the line. Only my heart is suffering more and more silence. Ironically, my grades have obviously improved during this period, and I even crossed a line for the first time.
A month later, the school announced the decision to punish Mei. Because of the great influence, many parents signed the letter, and Mei was eventually expelled from the school. I heard that on that day, Mei's mother couldn't afford to kneel in the principal's office. Mei's father saw that things were hopeless and beat Mei on the spot. Intriguingly, the two leading men in the incident were safe and sound, and their lives did not seem to be greatly affected. Wei Qi later successfully obtained the walking qualification of Harbin Institute of Technology. This society is always more tolerant of men. In the afternoon when I knew the news, I repeatedly counted the time and returned to the dormitory when I thought May had left.
Mei's bed is really empty, so I'm relieved. God knows how afraid I am to see May at this time. I stared at Mei's empty bed and stubbornly held back the tears that were about to spread. When I turned around, I found Mei's manuscript "Collection of Wrong Questions" lying on the desk, which has always been her proud "magic weapon for exams". I opened it, and there was a small note inside, with only one sentence: "Jia, I don't blame you."
I covered my face and let tears flow through my fingers. I know I lost my best friend when I was young forever.
Postscript:
After graduating from college, I decided to settle in Suzhou for six years. On the eve of graduation, my parents advised me to go back to my hometown many times and have arranged a decent and stable job for me. I have never disobeyed my parents' wishes, but for the first time in my life, I chose to refuse. If nothing else, I can't face that memory, and I can't get peace in that small town, because Mei's accident has a great influence on me.
I once saw a topical question on Zhihu: What do you think is the greatest evil of human nature? I think the greatest evil is to do evil without knowing it. Mei's diary was originally her own privacy, but it was made public by her classmates as a means of revenge. In that "diary" incident, schools, parents, friends and classmates all stood on the moral high ground. No one thought about it, and no one suggested that Mei was the real victim. She is not only regarded as a "black sheep", but even deprived of the qualification to take the college entrance examination. Such a blow is enough to destroy an adolescent girl.
What is even more frightening is that we regard this kind of behavior as a kind of right, unified and assimilated. These subtle things are terrible, even if you realize it, you don't really realize it.
Fortunately, Mei's current situation is not bad. This dry cleaner is the second branch opened by Mei and her husband. Even after such ups and downs, Mei is still strong and optimistic, and her smile is still bright. Now, her youngest son has reached the age of primary school.