The four realms of speech make speech an art, but it is also a science. The so-called learning, the most basic thing is to know what to say, what not to say, what to say in what occasions, and what not to say in what occasions. It seems simple, but it's not that simple to do. So, how to master the skills? In fact, generally speaking, when writing a novel, we should pay attention to four elements: time, place, people and events. Specifically speaking, it is necessary to pay attention to the timing, occasion, object, way and discretion of speaking. Pay attention to these four points, and speaking can often achieve unexpected results.
Eloquence skills of communicating with people
First, the timing of speaking.
The ancients said: "The mountain is not high, and the fairy is not in the name; The water is not deep, and the dragon has spirit. " It's the same with talking. Don't talk much. The timing must be right. He who can say the right thing at the right time is the most talkative person. Otherwise, if you don't grasp the opportunity well, it will bring you negative influence. This is probably the case with the death of Yang Xiu in Romance of the Three Kingdoms. Yang Xiu, as the marching general around Cao Cao, directly participated in confidential affairs and was in charge of everything in the barracks. At the critical moment of defeat, he made no secret of guessing from the "chicken ribs" password, spreading negative remarks in the army unscrupulously, and was finally executed by Cao Cao for "disturbing the morale of our army." Yang Xiu was very talented, but because of the bad timing, he was "killed".
So, when is the best time to speak? For example, when is the best time to speak at the seminar? If you are the first speaker, although you can give the audience a preconceived impression, generally speaking, because it is still early, the atmosphere is inevitably dull, and the audience has not adapted to it, so it is not easy to mobilize their emotions. But if we talk about it later, the advantage is that we can absorb other people's achievements, effectively summarize and sort them out, appear in order, or express more perfect opinions on other people's loopholes. But because it is too late, many listeners will feel very tired and hope to end the speech as soon as possible rather than delay, so the effect is not ideal. According to these circumstances, it has been proved by research that the best time to speak is to get to the point in time after the second or third person speaks, and the effect is the best. At this time, the atmosphere of the speech became lively. If you lose no time to put forward your own ideas, it is often the easiest to attract people's attention.
Confucius once said in Ji's Analects of Confucius: "If you don't speak, you won't be tolerant; If you say it, you will be hidden; If you don't see the color, you will be embarrassed. " This sentence has three meanings: first, it is called impatience when you shouldn't speak; Second, when you should talk, don't say it. This is called hiding. Third, talk nonsense without looking at each other's face changes. This is called talking nonsense with your eyes closed. Choosing the right time is to respect each other's performance and a good way to give full play to the effect of speaking. Only when the other person is interested in what you say, will your words have the due effect and achieve the expected purpose. Facts have proved that the best time to convince others is when the other person is in a relatively peaceful mood. They are not in the mood to listen to you when they are tired, unhappy or focused on other things.
Second, the object and identity of speaking.
We all know that there is an idiom called "play the lute to a cow", which means "speak without looking at the object". No matter how well you play the piano, it doesn't mean anything to cows. Speaking is the same. It doesn't help to talk without looking at people, and sometimes it will cause unnecessary trouble and even death. Need to know the identity, age, occupation, hobbies, cultural literacy and many other aspects of the listener. Only in this way can what we say be meaningful and achieve the expected purpose.
It is said that in ancient times, a man named Xu Yun was an official in the official department and promoted many fellow villagers. When Wei Mingdi noticed it, he sent someone to catch him. In order to win over the situation, his wife said to Xu Yun, "The sage can take it away, but it is difficult to ask." Because she knew it was difficult to plead with the Ninth Five-Year Plan Emperor, but she could argue with "reason". You can't judge things casually according to the identity of the emperor. The emperor regards the country as the biggest and the people as the most important. Only by convincing people with reason and convincing people with reason can we safeguard national interests and the identity of the head of state.
Therefore, when interrogating Xu Yun in Wei Mingdi, Xu Yun replied bluntly: "Your Majesty's principle of employing people is' knowing what it is', and I know my hometown best. Please check whether they are qualified. If they are incompetent, I am willing to be punished. " Wei Mingdi sent someone to inspect the hometown promoted by Xu Yun. They are really competent. They not only let Xu Yun go, but also rewarded him with a new suit. According to the personal recommendation system formulated by the feudal dynasty, Xu Yun's promotion of fellow villagers, whether appropriate or not, conforms to the "reason" recognized by the emperor in his identity. This can be said to be an excellent example of being good at choosing a way of speaking according to the status of the speaker.
Speaking without considering the object is tantamount to shooting at the target. And what to say about what kind of object. You can refer to Guiguzi's "The Whole Article": "Words and wise men rely on Bo; Talk to bloggers by discriminating; Talk to the debater, as needed; Speak to the noble, as the case may be; Speak to the rich, lean high; Speak to the poor and rely on profit; Speak with modesty, relying on modesty; Talk to the brave and rely on courage; Talk to a fool and you will be sharp. "
Third, the occasion of speaking.
Queen Victoria of England and her husband Albert have a loving relationship and a harmonious relationship. The wife is the king of a country, busy with official business and social activities all day, while the husband is not very concerned about politics and lacks interest in social activities. One day, the queen was busy with business, and it was already late at night. She went back to her bedroom and knocked when she saw the door closed.
Ask: "Who?"
A: "I am the queen." Knock again before opening the door.
Ask: "Who?"
A: "Victoria." Knock again before opening the door.
Ask: "Who?"
A: "Your wife." The door opened and Victoria came in.
Things changed when the queen came home. She is no longer a queen, but a wife. It is one thing to talk to princes and nobles in court, but it should be another thing to talk at home. Regardless of the occasion, follow one's inclinations, talk nonsense and say whatever comes to mind, which is the poor performance of people who can't speak. Li Cunbao, a famous writer, said: In the fiercest battle, propaganda and agitation will not be a long speech. Sometimes, in the face of the enemy, he will shout at his comrades: "Come with me if you dare!" This is more effective than propaganda. This also tells us that only by using language flexibly according to the situation can we achieve better results.
Different occasions, different atmospheres, people's moods are different, and their feelings and understanding of some problems will be different. The same sentence is considered reasonable and insightful on this occasion, but it may cause people's disgust and disgust on other occasions. Imagine what it would be like to talk about the internet and the information superhighway when we communicate with a poor old farmer in his sixties and seventies. I don't think this good farmer knows what you are talking about. Maybe he will think you have a brain problem. This is called "what songs are sung on the mountain, what keys are unlocked."
Fourth, the way and measure of speaking.
The so-called way of speaking is the same thing as land and money. Which paragraph do you choose to talk about and from which angle do you stand? For example, if your wife cooks, only one of the four dishes is delicious. Will you say that three are not delicious or that one is delicious when you eat? It must be that one that tastes good, because it's no use saying that three are not delicious. And she knows as well as you whether it's delicious or not. Why did she say it?
Zhu Yuanzhang, the founding emperor of the Ming Dynasty, worked as a cowherd when he was a teenager and made some poor friends. After he proclaimed himself emperor, two former poor friends came to see him. Because their writing is different, their fate is also different. The first man was introduced into the palace. As soon as he sat down, he gestured and said, "Long live your Excellency! Does the emperor remember? You and I used to herd cattle for that rich man. One day, I cooked the stolen green beans in a crock in the Luhuadang. It's not ready yet, and everyone is scrambling to eat it. You broke the jar, spilled green beans and soup all over the floor. You just grabbed beans from the ground and accidentally put grass leaves in your mouth and got stuck in your throat. It was my idea to let you swallow the green leaves first and then the grass leaves stuck in your throat. " Zhu Yuanzhang listened to his story and laughed and cried in front of all the officials. In order to maintain his dignity, he lowered his face and snapped, "What a madman!"
The unlucky man who jumped out with his head in his arms told another old friend of Zhu Yuanzhang, the former cowherd. Cowherd smiled and said, "Look, I'm going to make a fortune." So he swaggered into the palace. Seeing Zhu Yuanzhang, he lowered his head and recalled the old days: "Do you remember the emperor? At that time, I rode a green cow to sweep Luzhou House with you and broke the pots and pans. Marshal Tang is at large, but you caught General Dou, and Hon Hai stood in the throat. Fortunately, General Cai repelled him. We won the battle completely. " Zhu Yuanzhang was well aware of the war boasted by his old friends, but he made the scandal exquisite and brilliant. I am excited to think of the scene where everyone is hungry and cold. I immediately appointed this old friend as the general manager of the body guard.
For the same thing, a person is straightforward and the result is beheaded; A euphemism turns out to be a big official. Different expressions will make a big difference. Mozi once answered his student Qin Zi: What are the benefits of talking too much? For example, the frog in the pond barks every day, making it thirsty, but no one ever pays attention to it. But the rooster only crows two or three times at dawn. When you hear the cock crow, you know it's dawn, so everyone pays attention to it. Similarly, in life, incisive opinions are often popular, while generalizations are easily annoying. Practice has proved that a correct sense of proportion can add charm to oneself and win more chances of success.
People, always in a certain time, a certain place, a different place, facing different people and different events, should say different things and speak in different ways. Therefore, when you speak, don't just follow your own ideas, consider whether the other party is interested in what you say, consider the other party's position and the acceptable degree of your point of view. The person who can see the object is dishonest, but he is absolutely smart. A person with good public speaking skills can quickly find topics of interest to the audience, and at the same time, he can give a speech at the right time and place. In other words, he can say what the audience wants to hear in an appropriate way within the time that the audience wants to hear, which is an unparalleled talent. This kind of person who can grasp the advantages and opportunities will often achieve extraordinary results.
How to talk and communicate in the workplace
1, the boss is duty-bound when calling sentence patterns: I'll deal with it right away.
Making such an answer calmly and quickly will make your boss intuitively think that you are an efficient and obedient subordinate; On the contrary, an indecisive attitude will only annoy the responsible boss. I may take it out on you when I can't sleep well at night!
2. Deliver bad news in the most elegant way. Sentence pattern: We seem to have encountered some situations.
You just learned that something went wrong in a very important case. If you immediately rush to the boss's office to report the bad news, even if it's none of your business, it will only make the boss question your ability to deal with the crisis, or you will be scolded and take it out on you. At this point, you should say this sentence pattern calmly, don't be emotional, don't panic, don't use words like problems or troubles; Let the boss feel that things are not unsolvable. It sounds like you will stand on the same side as the boss and fight side by side.
Show team spirit sentence pattern: Angie's idea is really good.
Angela came up with a brilliant plan, which even her boss appreciated. You can't wait for your brain to move faster than others. It is better to steal his light than to pull a long face and be unhappy. The method is as follows: say this sentence pattern while the boss can hear you. In this society where everyone wants to get ahead, a subordinate who is not jealous of his colleagues will make the boss feel that this person is pure in nature and full of team spirit, so he will be treated differently.
4. persuade colleagues to help sentence patterns: this report can't be done without you
There is a difficult job that you can't finish by yourself, so you must ask someone for help. So you found a colleague who is best at this job. How can I get others to help you willingly? Send a top hat, fill it with vermicelli soup, and promise to return it one day; In order to live up to his reputation in this respect, that kind-hearted person will generally agree to your request. However, don't forget to write it down when you make achievements in the future.
5. Skillfully avoid what you don't know. Sentence pattern: Let me think it over and give you an answer before three o'clock, OK?
The boss asked you a business-related question and you didn't know how to answer it. Never say you don't know. This sentence pattern not only keeps you out of danger temporarily. It also makes the boss think that you are very concerned about this matter and suddenly don't know how to say it. However, you must do your homework afterwards and hand in your answers on time.
6. Be calm in the face of criticism. Sentence pattern: Thank you for telling me. I will consider your suggestion carefully.
When a person's hard-earned achievements are revised or criticized, it is really distressing. You don't need to write your dissatisfaction on your face, but you should let the person who criticizes your work know that you have received his message. Being neither humble nor supercilious makes you look more confident and worthy of respect, and lets people know that you are not a wayward person or a person who can't stand setbacks.
7. Reduce the workload without trace. Sentence pattern: I understand that this matter is very important; Can we check the work at hand first and give priority to the most important ones?
Why don't you say no now? First emphasize that you understand the importance of this task, and then ask the boss for instructions to give priority to the new task and the original work. Let the boss know that your workload is actually very heavy. If you have to, some things have to be postponed or handed over to others.
I want to know your opinion on a case.
Many times, you are in the same room with high-level dignitaries, and you have to say something to avoid the embarrassing situation of silence. However, this is also an excellent opportunity for you to win the favor of the top management. But what should I say? Daily life is definitely not suitable for being moved out to talk about the weather at this time, and it will not impress the top management at all. At this time, the most appropriate topic is a thought-provoking topic related to the company's prospects. Ask a big boss a question that he cares about and knows well, but when he talks about his experience, you will not only benefit a lot, but also make him sit up and take notice of your eagerness to learn.
9. Admit negligence without causing the boss's dissatisfaction. Sentence pattern: I neglected it for a while, but it's okay.
Mistakes are inevitable, but the way you state them will affect the boss's opinion of you. It is very important to be brave enough to admit your mistakes, because shirking responsibility will only make you look like an annoying, weak and useless person, but that doesn't mean you have to apologize to everyone for it. The trick is not to point all the finger at yourself, but to admit that it will dilute your mistakes and distract people.
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