Wei is jealous of people's speculation. If you get married after your wife dies, you don't have to dislike it. It's different to continue to marry a little woman. One day, Wei Fang came home from the outside, suddenly laughing indoors, squinting through the window, and saw a handsome monk in his twenties kneeling on the ground with his wife in his arms, hugging each other and sitting. Wei Wei was angry. He went to get a knife and a staff and rushed to hit it, but it was gone. Ask a woman, she doesn't know. After more than ten days, when I came back from the outside, I saw the young monk and his wife lying on the bed with pillows during the day. Vivian roared with anger and stabbed him with a lamp. China woman pushed the door and died, sitting in a French prison. If it helps later, it's not necessary. After a day of idleness, I suddenly realized the monk newspaper. It is not a crime to hurt his wife's death. The second chapter of Dream Poetry gives:
"The shrike began to bloom, and the swallows couldn't stay. I dream of coming tonight, but I don't want to fly away. A couple who pity women and despise evil. My heart is falling in the dusk, and birds are singing like rain outside the door. " "Just like yesterday, Roche's four hooks were idle. Pear blossoms step on the yellow mud and fall less than the pavilion. " Naturally, I will never remarry.
Xu Wei's story
one
When Zhang San and Li Si went to Xu Wenchang to play, Zhang San pulled Xu Wenchang aside and said, "Brother Wen, if you can make Li Si fall to the ground three times today, I will invite you to dinner today."
Xu Wenchang smiled and said, "It's easy." Xu Wenchang took Zhang San and Li Si to a watermelon field, pointed to Gua Tian and said to Li Si, "Li Ge, look how well this gourd grows." Li Si wondered, "Brother Wen, this is obviously a melon. Why is it called gourd? "
Xu Wenchang said, "This is a gourd." Li Si said, "It's a melon." Xu Wenchang: "Gourd!" Li Si: "Melon! ! "Xu Wenchang: Gourd, Gourd, Gourd!" Li Si: "Melon, melon, melon!" " "
Secondly,
Xu Wenchang met a jar seller in the street, and he asked how much a catty the jar was. Seeing that he was a layman, the jar seller replied, "Bai Wen (? ) a pound. " Xu Wenchang told him to carry it on his back, followed it for a while, and when he got home, he went in and took out a hammer and scale, saying, "I only need to weigh two Jin." . The jar seller had to carry it back.
third
Xu Wenchang saw a countryman walking by the bridge carrying a load of dung. He said, "It is difficult to walk on this bridge. Let me help you move it. " Seeing that he was a gentle man, the countryman dared not help him, but he would certainly help him, so he crossed the bridge with a dung bucket. Then he said to the countryman, "I'm exhausted." I can't lift that bucket anymore. Please do your best. "
Fourth.
A man went to Xu Wenchang and said that his daughter liked to stand at the door and refused to listen. He asked him if he had any good ideas. Xu Wenchang said that as long as he spent three pence, he could correct his daughter's bad temper. Father was so happy that he gave Xu Wenchang three pence. He went to buy a penny of tofu and two pence of soy sauce, put them on his hands, and walked past his daughter's door with bare arms. Just before she got there, Xu Wenchang's stomach was flat and his trousers fell off. He shouted, "Oh, I dropped my pants. My hands can't be empty. Girl, please tie it for me. " The girl ran into the house and never stood at the door again.
Fifth.
Xu Wenchang lived in a temple, and the abbot was very cold to him. Every morning, when the monk fell asleep, he put on his robe and cap, went to the backyard and peed in front of the balcony window. This is the embroidery room of Miss Military Attaché. She told her father about it, took the abbot away and beat him to death with a board. Later, the ghost found him. One day, he came home and saw his wife sleeping with a monk, so he cut him off with a knife. It turned out that she was alone. Xu Wenchang spent several years in prison for this incident and was finally released.
Sixth.
Someone gambled with Xu Wenchang. If he can shout "poor" three times in the third generation street, buy him a drink. Xu Wenchang came to the thrift store in Sandai Street, pointed to a porcelain bottle and shouted, "How much is that big bottle? That big bottle, that big bottle! " The people in the shop were very helpless. He finally won and left.
In another rural performance, Xu Wenchang was asked to write a plaque on the stage, which read: "The world is peaceful." But they paid a little less, so when the plaque was hung, everyone saw that the third word was missing and it became "Peace in the world." The villagers were embarrassed and went to beg him again. Then he came up, threw the pen up, clicked under the big letters, and everyone was relieved.
Seventh.
Xu Wenchang bought cabbage, and the vegetable seller said it was a penny a catty. He said it was a penny a catty, and the vegetable seller replied rudely, "Then I have to buy dung to eat." Xu Wenchang doesn't care anymore. He says he wants to buy it cheaply, but he says it takes a lot of effort to sell vegetables. After Xu Wenchang went in to check out, he saw two baked wheat cakes on the table and began to eat them. Xu Wenchang came out and looked at the table. The vegetable seller said, "I borrowed two baked wheat cakes here." Xu Wenchang stamped his foot: "Great, this is arsenic baked wheat cake. I used it to treat mice. " The vegetable seller was in a panic and said, "How good is that?" Xu Wenchang said, "It's too late to call a doctor now. It is said that the best antidote is to clear feces. You'd better eat in the dung jar. " The life of selling vegetables is important, so you can only eat them. Xu Wenchang asked him, "Who ate the dung?"
Eighth.
Xu Wenchang met an egg seller and said he wanted to buy all the eggs. He asked him to form a circle on the stone with his arms and put the eggs in the circle by himself. After counting, Xu Wenchang said to get the basket, but never came out. The egg seller stretched out his arms and surrounded the egg. He can't move. He was in a hurry. He put a big dog in it, which really scared him. I don't know what to do.
Qijiu
Many old women go on a pilgrimage by boat. When Xu Wenchang asked for a boat trip, they agreed. Xu Wenchang got off the boat and sat in the bow, saying that he would make tea for them. He took out a bag of sugar and made sugar tea. The old lady used to like to drink sugar tea, but at Xu Wenchang's gracious suggestion, she left a bowl and right a bowl, and I don't know how much she ate. Soon she felt bloated and wanted to pee. They were in a hurry, but they saw Xu Wenchang twirling his nose with a piece of paper and sneezing a few times, as if he were comfortable. They asked, "Mr Xu, what are you doing?" He replied, "I want to pee, but it's not convenient now. It doesn't matter if I sneeze here for ventilation." As soon as I heard that there was such a good way, everyone began to imitate it, but only sneezed and immediately leaked urine.
tenth
Master Xu Wei's guessing game
In the year of the government test, the Ming court sent Dou Taishi to Jiangnan to preside over the test.
One day, Xu Wei went to Hangzhou West Lake Yiyuan to play, where a Lantern Festival was being held. He saw a poem riddle hanging high at the gate of the garden:
"two people can't see the sky, and one woman has half a field; The Eight Kings asked me how many fields I had, and there were a thousand fields on the ground. "
At that time, many people were around there, thinking hard, and no one could guess the answer. Xu Wei smiled after reading it: "It's not difficult, it's not difficult." Said a sentence: "I hope every family in the world is like this." He left with a smile.
A poet savored Xu Wei's words carefully and suddenly realized that he told everyone the secret: "The word' two people can't see the sun' is a word' husband'; A woman with half a mouth is a' wife'; Eight kings asked me how much land I had' is a word' righteousness'; "A thousand acres on the ground" is a "heavy" word, which together means "marital justice". Isn't this what every family wants! When the poet heard this, he clapped his hands and said, "Xu Wei is really a genius in the world! " "
The news reached the arrogant Mr. Dou, who bristled with anger and said angrily, "Xu Wei is just a civilian, and the villain has more' world' than me!" So he sent someone to invite Xu Wei to drink and write poems on a cruise ship in the West Lake.
During the dinner, Master Dou said with a smile: "This official has a riddle, and the riddle is,' Touch without knotting, but hope with knotting; Cold at both ends and hot in the middle. Guess one thing. "Xu Wei smiled faintly." The answer is the almanac, which even three-foot children in Hangzhou know. "
A surname Dou boasted Xu Wei on the surface, but was more jealous in his heart.
The exam will begin in a few days. Inspector Mr. Dou Taishi visited Gongyuan. When he saw that Xu Wei was among the candidates, he smiled coldly, picked up a pair of scissors, inserted them straight into the wooden post and said, "Students, let's write!" Say that finish twist a head and went away.
No problem, just a pair of scissors. What a strange exam. At that time, all candidates were puzzled. You look at me, I look at you, everyone is in a daze.
Seeing that everyone was in a daze, Xu Wei reminded: "A surname picked up scissors and poked wood. Isn't this' chopping wood'? His test questions are about four generals in the Warring States Period-Bai Qi, Wang Jian (homophonic with Jian), Lian Po and Li Mu! There is nothing wrong, do it quickly! " With a little help from Wei Xu, the candidates are all at ease at once.
After a while, Mr. Dou came in again, saw the examinee sitting with his hands down, and thought that he was really stumped this time, so he slowly read out the test questions and read "On the Pasture in the Cape". As soon as the candidates heard it, it was as Xu Wei said. Soon, everyone will hand in their papers with Wei Xu.
Dou a surname took the paper and suddenly froze. He thought to himself: I just read the topic, how can I finish it at once? Draw a piece of paper to read. He took out Wei Xu's paper, which was even more brilliant, and he could not help secretly marveling. But at the end of the volume, I suddenly saw a sacrificial table with a spirit tablet painted on it. Master Dou was very angry and scolded in his heart, "What a conceited boy! I want to be an official. I have to worship my ancestors before I take the exam! Therefore, he criticized: "Although the article is good, it is too early to worship the ancestors. Don't take it away. "
Later, someone told him about this paper. Xu Wei laughed and said, "What a fool! I didn't want to be an official to worship my ancestors. Because my mother was ill, I kept thinking about her during the exam. I wrote an article to see how much time I have before painting this thing. I am praying for my ancestors to bless her old man's body! "