Book Introduction Many fathers don’t know how to get along with their children, and often use the excuse of supporting the family to immerse themselves in work to escape their own frustrations in parenting. However, In fact, deep down in my heart, as a father, I want to get help and establish a beautiful father-son relationship. This book "No matter how busy you are, be a good dad" is a down-to-earth book dedicated to cultivating "good dads". It gives three "rules of company for busy dads" to help dads who have trouble raising children to balance work and life. Life, give your children the highest quality companionship.
You will get
1. The first rule of companionship for busy dads, be a dad who has a sense of presence and make smart use of fragmented time.
2. The second rule of companionship for busy dads is to be a warm dad and approach your children with love and games.
3. The third rule of busy dad’s companionship is to be an idol dad and teach your children responsibility and courage.
Recently, I have gained an additional identity and been promoted to be a father, and I couldn’t be more happy! From the moment I found out that my wife was pregnant, I had already thought about the name of our child, and being a good father has always been my dream. Now I have taken the first step towards my dream, but I found that to achieve it, Dreams definitely require some hard work, such as working hard to raise a child.
When it comes to raising children, mothers seem to be born better than fathers, and I am always criticized for being clumsy. I also want to get closer to my baby, but I always fail to achieve the goal. I am always hated by my children, how can I change the situation? And I’m usually very busy at work. How do I balance the relationship between work and childcare?
As far as I know, many fathers, like me, don’t know how to get along with their children. They often use the excuse of supporting their families to immerse themselves in work to escape from their own work. Frustration in parenting, but in fact, deep down in our hearts as fathers, we want help and establish a beautiful father-son relationship.
So I found this book "No matter how busy you are, be a good dad". The author Shu Tong has studied children's psychology and family relationships for many years, and participated in many books to guide parents to educate their children based on children's psychology. Books, and has published many down-to-earth parenting books, such as "Working Moms Raise Good Children" and so on. This book can help us dads who have trouble raising children, balance work and life, and provide the highest quality companionship for our children.
First, let’s look at the first rule of companionship for busy dads, be a dad who has a sense of presence and make smart use of fragmented time.
Compared with mothers who are mentally and physically ready to be mothers in ten months of pregnancy, fathers often have to wait until after the child is born or even one or two years later before they can have the real feeling of being a father. But by then it will be too late. The baby will cling to his mother every day, and his father will have no place in his heart.
Professor Li Meijin, a parenting expert, once said: "The process of education is about emotion first and restraint behind." Only after you establish a close emotional relationship with your child will your child obey your discipline. Children grow up very quickly, and time will never come back again. Dads should not think that it will never come in time, but should seize the moment in time.
There is a model couple in the entertainment industry, Deng Chao and Sun Li, who have two lovely children. Celebrities often fly back and forth for work, but Deng Chao regards spending time with his children as the most important thing. Even if it is just time to go home for a meal, he will fly home without hesitation, and he will even be so tired that he falls asleep during the meal. Stay and spend time with your children. During his days off at home, Deng Chao plays Plants vs. Zombies with his children, making a mess at home and cleaning it up together. He also learns dancing from his daughter and dresses up as Santa Claus to deliver gifts to his children on Christmas.
Some dads will say, I know it’s important to spend time with my children, but I have to make money to support my family and don’t have that much time. Don't worry, let's take a look at the four key moments for busy dads to spend time with their children. They are all very easy to do, and you must be able to catch them.
First, make the most of your morning time.
Dads, please think about the scene every morning. You get up in a hurry, stuff your mouth with breakfast, say hello to your children, tell them "study hard at school", and then rush out to go to work. If this is the case, then dads can make some adjustments.
Get up twenty minutes early, wash up and have breakfast with your children. If possible, drive your children to school. The distance in the car provides a comfortable environment that is very suitable for chatting, which often has the effect of getting twice the result with half the effort.
Second, pay attention to the "golden five minutes" when you go home at night.
We might as well think back to what was the happiest moment when we were children? Many people will remember the scene of being held in his arms by their father and piercing their face with a beard after their father got off work. The tingling feeling is unforgettable even when they think about it now. Likewise, your children must also be looking forward to such moments.
If fathers are too tired from work when they get home and just lie on the sofa and check their mobile phones, hoping that their children will not disturb them, they will miss the golden time to build a relationship with their children. So when you go home, be sure to hug your child first, listen to the child's story about what happened that day, watch what games the child is playing, and tell the child what you have experienced. Don't worry that the child will not understand. The child's understanding ability is better than yours. imagination.
In addition to the "golden five minutes" when you first arrive home, dinner is also a good parent-child time. Don't watch mobile phones and TV during meals, but sit around the dining table as a family, chat and share with each other while eating. The intimate relationship between father and son is enhanced every day.
Secondly, don’t miss the opportunity to spend long hours with your children on weekends.
As a dad, how do you spend your weekends? When you wake up from a late sleep, your children have already gone to tutoring classes, or your mother and grandmother have taken your children out shopping. You have breakfast at home, watch TV, check your phone, and play games.
Resting on weekends is inevitable, but dads must plan family time to play with their children. Whether you stay at home, take your children for outdoor outings, or go to museums or science and technology museums that interest your children, you can experience the wonders of the world with your children.
Finally, some fathers will say that they often travel for work and stay there for a long time. What should they do if they are unable to accompany their children due to objective factors?
Here are my four “Business Travel Accompanying Tips” for busy dads.
First, explain the reason for the business trip to your children, remember to use language that your children can understand, such as building a building, building a car, etc. Many fathers think that their children are too young to understand, but if they don't say anything, their children will misunderstand that their father doesn't like to stay at home and doesn't care about them, so it is very necessary to explain to their children.
Second, before going on a business trip, learn about your child’s recent activities, such as sports meets, school activities, exams, etc., and proactively ask about your child when you talk on the phone later, so that your child can feel that he has always been cared for by his father as he grows up. accompany.
Third, during the business trip, arrange a fixed time to make a video call to the child, so that the child can look forward to it, understand the child's situation that day, and listen to the child's talk about those trivial things, which will be very helpful to the child. Very happy moment.
Fourth, after the business trip is over, bring gifts to your children when you go home. Don’t forget to express your longing for your children. You can also share with your children interesting things and the scenery you saw during the business trip.
In addition to the above four key moments, there are also some important moments. Dads must try their best to set aside time for their children, including their children’s birthdays, graduation ceremonies, presentations, sports competitions, etc. Adding these things to your work schedule in advance and participating in your child's important moments can let your child know how important he is in your mind.
The above is the first part. As a father, you must first adjust your mentality. Don't feel that it will never be too late, thereby missing out on the most important first few years of establishing a close relationship with your children. Instead, you should seize the moment and cherish the time you spend with your children.
Next, let’s look at the second rule of companionship for busy dads. Be a warm father and approach your children with love and games.
Many of our Chinese fathers have a deep stereotype, thinking that they should be strict fathers and loving mothers, and they usually say "I love you so much that I can't express my love for you" to their children. There was once a survey asking "What was your impression of your father when you were a child?" According to the survey results, 65% of netizens felt that their father was very strict and unsmiling, and were very afraid of him. Among them, 22% of netizens said that they had been beaten often since childhood and dared not speak out when they were angry.
Children's world is very simple. Their understanding of love is constant companionship and expressed love. They cannot understand the "good intentions" behind their father's silence. In order to let the child feel loved, the father should put down his condescending authority, communicate with the child on an equal footing, express his love to the child, and approach the child with love instead of pushing the child away with severity.
Mr. Wang Zengqi is known as "China's last scholar-bureaucrat". He had a troubled life. A powerless scholar, he was forced to undergo labor reform and was criticized during the Cultural Revolution. While gritting his teeth and persevering, he always had expectations for life and wrote down the beauty in the suffering life with his pen, leaving us with unique spiritual wealth.
Mr. Wang Zengqi’s peaceful temperament and positive optimism are inseparable from his father’s teachings. His mother died young, and he grew up with his father. His father was very tolerant, had no airs, and never beat, scolded or preached. When he was a child, his father spent one night carving watermelon lanterns to make him happy. When my husband first fell in love, his father helped him write love letters together. His father once jokingly called their relationship as "father and son become brothers after many years."
The way of getting along with his father was also introduced by Wang Zengqi into his future family. He would run on the street with his daughter on his back as if no one else was watching and sing loudly. The family felt that this was not a great success. How elegant, but he enjoyed it. He once described the family this way: "I think a modern, humane family must first be neither big nor small. The parents are awe-inspiring, and the children are the most boring."
In some Children who grow up in a fun-loving family will be filled with love for their parents and the world. Many fathers will say that they really want to accompany their children, but they just don’t know what to do when they are with their children. They often stare at each other, making the situation very embarrassing. So now let’s take a look at the three magic weapons for playing with your children.
First of all, start from the interest and accompany your child to play games that interest him.
Every child has his or her favorite games, such as playing with cars, playing dinosaurs, etc. Dads can accompany their children to play games that interest them, and can make appropriate extensions.
For example, tell children the structure and uses of various cars, and when playing dinosaurs with children, popularize the background knowledge of biology to children. The child will not only be very happy, but also feel that his father is knowledgeable and talented, and he will admire his father heartily.
In the TV series "Little Joy", Ji Yangyang has lived with his uncle since he was a child. His parents have been away from him all year round. Their parents returned to him just before his college entrance examination. In the beginning, the family had constant friction. Ji Yangyang's attitude towards his parents was very cold and even rebellious, and his parents could not find an entry point to cultivate a relationship with their children.
After knowing that their children liked go-karts, their parents learned to drive go-karts. This activity became a regular parent-child activity in the family, and the relationship with their children quickly became closer.
But I want to remind everyone that during play, you must not blame your children and say things like "Why can't you even do this?" The meaning of games is companionship, not teaching.
Secondly, start from the advantage and accompany your children to do sports.
Dad has a natural advantage in certain games, such as sports. Exercise can relax the body and mind and make people feel happy, and dad knows how to control the proportion and strength, which can not only exercise the child's body, but also let the child feel the fun of exercise. This kind of connection that only belongs to the two of them will make dad extremely happy and increase his confidence in parenting. It can be seen that exercise is a very suitable way for fathers to establish a close relationship with their children.
Finally, start from the heart and be attentive when spending time with your children. Don’t be half-hearted, and don’t look at your phone from time to time.
A child once said: "Dad often plays with my mobile phone when we are together. I wish I could become a mobile phone so that my dad can always take me with him." Such innocent words, But it hurt the hearts of many fathers. When spending time with your children, fathers should remember to put their mobile phones out of reach and spend all their time with their children. Not only will they get happiness from it, but their children will also give you unexpected growth surprises.
The above is the content of the second part. In this part, we talked about the father’s need to actively integrate into the child’s world, and tell the child his inner love. At the same time, the best way to get closer to the child is to talk to the child. Play games together, take advantage of the child's interests and dad's strengths, and build a connection unique to the two of you. It should be noted that when accompanying your children, you must be fully focused. High-quality companionship is the best nourishment for the parent-child relationship.
Next, let’s look at the third rule of companionship for busy dads. Be an idol dad and teach your children responsibility and courage.
Mr. Sun Jingxiu, a child education expert, once said: "A child's eyes are a video recorder, a child's ears are a tape recorder, and a child's mind is a computer." Children will imitate their parents' behavior, so instead of blaming children blindly, it is better to find the reasons from yourself, correct yourself, and be a good role model for your children.
Liang Qichao is a man of great influence in the modern history of our country. He launched reforms, created new styles of literature, was proficient in calligraphy and Buddhism, and was recognized as an encyclopedic academic master. He also faced life-threatening dangers several times in his life. escape.
He was such a busy man in history, but he did not neglect the discipline of his children. When he couldn't be with his children, he would write letters one after another. The letters did not preach, but wrote to the children what he had experienced and his subsequent thoughts, so that the children could learn from their own experiences. Under the guidance and encouragement of their father, the brothers and sisters went through many ups and downs in life, but in the end all nine children were outstanding and were called "three academicians in one subject, all nine children are talented" by later generations.
How can busy dads lead by example and guide their children to develop good habits and develop a sound personality in a limited time?
First of all, don’t be lazy, do housework together, and teach your children diligence and responsibility.
Many fathers have the macho mentality of "men take care of the outside world and women take care of the house", and feel that housework is what mothers should do. So there will be such a scene at home. On weekends, the father and the children are watching TV on the sofa, while the mother is cleaning the room and doing the laundry while complaining: "I really found a master and raised a young master!"
Over time, the child, like his father, will grow into a person who does not do housework and may even be unable to live independently when he grows up.
We often see in the news that some college students never take the initiative to clean the dormitory after entering college. Their things are piled up in a mess, which leads to extremely tense relationships with classmates in the dormitory, and their ability to take care of themselves is substandard.
Taking your children to do housework together can cultivate your children’s ability to be independent and cooperative, and the father’s participation will let the children know that every family member has corresponding responsibilities and no one can do it.” Throw away the shopkeeper".
Secondly, don’t be anxious. High energy is more important than high scores. Face it positively with your children.
When it comes to studying, it is probably the thing that causes dad the most anxiety. On the one hand, fathers often worry that their children do not like to study, and on the other hand, they feel guilty that they do not have more time to supervise their children to study.
Therefore, in the limited time spent together, they will use intimidation methods such as "If you don't study hard, you will definitely have to endure hardship in the future" and "If you don't study hard, your father will not like you" to force the child. study. This method not only fails to stimulate children's inner drive, but also makes children hate learning even more.
The correct way is for fathers to stimulate their children's interest in learning and cultivate their children's ability to take the initiative to learn. How to do it specifically? Here are four tips for you.
First, change the form of learning. Don't force your children to sit in front of the desk, but find some interesting games to entertain them. For example, if your children don't want to learn English, you can tell them some interesting Western culture, travel information, exciting movies, etc.
Second, take your children to visit museums, science and technology museums or participate in social activities, so that children can get out of books and experience the application of knowledge in life.
Third, guide children to establish ideals and goals. Don't laugh at your child's innocence, but take your child to break down the ideal into small goals one by one, so that the child can see the steps to achieve the ideal, and the child will be more motivated to learn.
Fourth, if after hard work, the child's performance is still mediocre, then the father should calm down, look at it objectively, discover more of the child's characteristics, and guide the child to take a path that suits him. The future world of children is broad, and there is no need to stick to the path of "high scores". Compared with high scores, high abilities will make the child's future path wider and further.
Finally, don’t complain, but reflect on yourself and cultivate your children’s adverse quotient.
There will be many dissatisfactions in life, ranging from traffic jams to major changes in life. Many adults will complain about traffic jams on the road and being late for work; complain about the rainy weather and get wet all over; complain about unclear leadership affairs. Children living in such an environment full of resentment will develop the habit of complaining subtly. If you didn’t do well in the exam, you complained about the poor environment in the exam room; when you went out to play happily, but it was interrupted because of a heavy rain, you complained about the nasty weather.
What should a father do when he discovers that his child likes to complain?
First, reflect on yourself and see if you often complain. If so, then change yourself in time.
Second, understand the reason why the child complains. Some children just want to attract their parents' attention and hope that their parents will spend more time with them. Then the father should guide the children to express their needs in a positive way rather than in such a negative way.
Third, when it is discovered that the child has complained habitually, the father should provide correct guidance. Tell your children that complaining will not solve the problem at hand. They should adjust their mentality, accept the current situation, and actively seek solutions. For example, if you encounter heavy rain when you go out to play, instead of complaining that your planned itinerary is interrupted, it is better to calm down with your children and appreciate the different scenery brought by the rain. You can also remind your children to check the weather forecast in advance next time and be prepared before going out. .
The above is the third part. In this part, we understand that instead of forcing children to correct, fathers can first reflect on themselves and set a good example for their children. At the same time, fathers can cultivate their children's personality traits from three aspects: not being lazy, teaching their children to be diligent and responsible, not being anxious, stimulating their children's interest and motivation in learning, and not complaining, teaching their children to change their mentality and take positive actions when facing adversity. .
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Share to Here, the essence of this book "No matter how busy you are, Be a Good Dad" has been told for you. Let's summarize it at the end.
First of all, busy dads should adjust their mentality. Don’t think that it will never be too late. Instead, add your children to your schedule, make full use of the time in the morning, evening, and weekends to get along with your children, and participate in their children’s activities. Important activities.
Secondly, busy dads should put down their posture, take the initiative to integrate into their children's world, tell their children their love, and be wholehearted when accompanying their children. High-quality companionship is the best nourishment for the parent-child relationship.
Finally, busy dads should put away their dignity, face the shortcomings of their children, reflect on themselves first, and change together with their children. At the same time, we teach children to take responsibility, face their academic performance objectively, and do not make rash progress, but find ways to stimulate children's interest in learning. When encountering difficulties, teach children not to complain, but to actively seek solutions.