Those old scars in my heart that are difficult to heal, with the sharpness of the old meat cleaver, are cold to the bones. Many people are flying kites in the big park downstairs. Red, yellow, green, pink and mixed colors decorate the gray sky all day. Children are chasing and playing under the soft branches of willow trees. I often accompany a lilac tree and concentrate on it.
The so-called spring breeze, in fact, is not warm, but I like the smell of vanilla, the smell of soil and the distant prospect of farming in my hometown. Those childhood friends all appeared in my dreams and went away one by one.
I envy my relatives in the countryside. They have their own land, their own sweat, and the freedom to sing.
I was trapped in a reinforced concrete grid and went to prison.
Growing up in the dry north, I have never seen ponds, banyan trees and beautiful magnolia trees in the south. But I miss you deeply, always rippling in the soft waves in my heart.
I miss, or miss, those poor and simple years, the sisters who fought for food in the same small bowl with me, the villagers who struggled but didn't kneel down, the fragrance of Sophora japonica that I can't smell anymore after leaving my hometown, and the old people who have fallen asleep.
I have my own nest in the city. I am a guest in the city.
Those, those lyric sketches 2 Youth is gone, and we have all grown up. The only thing we can do now is to recall those things and dreams when we were young. ...
Junior high school is an era when we are full of vigor and vitality after 80s and yearn for our dreams. Every teenager has a heart that loves the motherland. The slogan of being a soldier became our slogan. Military TV plays carry the dreams of every teenager, and a song' Sea, Sea' inspires each of us. In order to be a soldier, we can keep running and exercise. For friendship, we can do anything necessary, sacrifice ourselves and make friends. ...
In junior high school, with a hazy heart, we developed our unknown love. Now, we have grown up. Looking back, we were so naive and yearning for that first love! I yearn for her purity, her beauty and beauty ... for love, we can give up lunch just to buy a gift for our beloved. Similarly, for love, we can give up everything just to defend what I think is love. Similarly, that admission is now so full of restraint, but it still has a long aftertaste.
The junior high school years are gone, and the post-90s generation may not understand what our generation is thinking and doing, but we are so persistent that we still don't realize it and have no regrets, thinking that we have memories to recall, simple and beautiful memories.
Those, those lyric sketches 3 think about one thing, why did I get back to my 18 years old before I had time to think about it? Today is Sunday, and I suddenly want to buy a digital camera to record my youth. So I bought it.
But now I don't know what to record and what not to record. Hehe, it seems that people are like this. When they have it, they don't know how to cherish it. After losing it, they remembered how memorable it was.
Sometimes it will be very painful and uncomfortable, because of some things, some people. What hurts is not what you don't have, but what you once had. If you don't think about it, if you don't think about it, there will probably be no pain. But after all, we are not Buddhists, let alone saints.
We recall our youth and years with the same or different feelings. Youth without regrets, what a regretless youth! Whose youth really has no regrets?
I have no regrets, endless regrets.
Forget it, everything will happen, and no one can overlap with anyone's life, just like there are no two identical leaves in the world.
Some people say that time can make everything old and weak. Yes, it turns everything into decay, but it makes those memories stronger and stronger.
Memories are like wine, bitter as wine, but addictive.
Sitting in the corner of dusk, watching people passing by in a hurry, I don't understand why they are in such a hurry. Some people walked by smiling, some people walked by with sad faces, some people walked by in famous cars, some people walked by in rags ... In the twilight, everything was like an old movie, dim lights, people passing by in a hurry, and everything was quiet, waiting for the appearance of our protagonist.
At the end of the story, it was not as beautiful as I thought. It turns out that some things don't necessarily need any reason. It turns out that some things have long been doomed.
Why do you expect miracles when you know nothing will change?
You can't breathe when you are in pain. Why force a smile?
Why do you do it when you don't want to?
In this way, thinking about it, those things will be quiet unconsciously. Then, at some point, she will sneak out again, like a shy girl.
Just like that, think about it, it will be gone this Sunday, just like those people!
Those, those lyrical essays 4 barren smiles live in seclusion in the endless tropical rain forest, leaving only silent expressions in memory. At that time, the sea no longer complained to the earth, and the season no longer questioned day and night. In this blue time and space, I have been looking for, looking for a quiet zone that belongs to my soul. In this floating world, I am constantly lost, lost in the streets without pedestrians.
If love is a game, no matter winning or losing, I will be left alone in the end, quietly cleaning up the mess. In the middle of the night, I sat down on a street corner without mosquito noise and habitually practiced forgetting. Did death tell you that you are no longer the one who has no sleep tonight?
When I calm down, I only have the breath of wandering between life and death, and I am still breathing in frustration. Did I tell you that I like silence?
Silence is like tears looking for eyes. Being quiet is like looking for your body alone.
Ah, it's been years. Quiet.
Quiet.
Those innocent faces in lyric prose beg for a simple hope, which makes memories focus on the confusion of life. The distant village is full of sadness, waiting for the bus No.520 to pass by inadvertently.
I stood at the top of the sun, clutching the residual light with both hands, still drifting.
I can't remember the initial shallowness, but the most lonely scenery still hurts me.
Maybe the weight of memories is too dull, maybe my hands are too slender, with a helpless expression, I just watched Yu Guang disappear at my fingertips and didn't even have time to say goodbye.
Your lonely footprint is neither long nor short. The approaching wind and sand buried those bumpy memories. Only my heart is still telling me my loyalty to you. A smile from you is an indelible light in my heart.
-residual light
Those lyrical sketches 6 sunset quietly hidden in the twilight, I fell in love with the feeling of looking up at the sky again.
Sea breeze, dry memory, like chapped lips. I panicked and picked up the skeleton of a shell. All the damn ones are dead. All that remains is a desperate struggle.
Dwarfs never understand the loneliness of a prince, just as the ocean does not understand the helplessness of tears. Listen, the sound of the sea crying is still beautiful. There is no lonely coastline in the clear sea.
-Clear sea
Those, those lyric essays 7. The sun is lingering in the body, the air is filled with the smell of summer, and the breath of the afternoon makes people feel a little confused. The wind, with thoughts, drifts to memories intermittently.
Walk through high school and go back to that summer. In that year, you 16 years old and I 15 years old. In that shabby little classroom, it belongs to our third grade. That day, when the teacher moved my seat in front of you, it might be the beginning of our story.
As an underachiever, I am used to wandering in class. I don't remember the day when that state appeared, and there was always a brief but sober pain in my back. Turn your head, you will look at it intentionally or unintentionally, and there is a subtle sinister smile on your mouth. Sometimes, I wonder why you, a top student, are absorbed in class and notice my distraction. At that time, I would often have nosebleeds. Once in class, I lowered my head and tried very hard to stop the bleeding. However, the stimulation of back pain made the blood out of control again. I turned my head and saw you proudly waving a pen at me. I just wanted to beat you up right away. Later, you know that I often have nosebleeds. So, whenever I bow my head with a tissue, you will take out the books in the drawer, put them on the table one by one, and then press my head on the books. I will lie strangely and wait for the blood to stop.
At the end of the senior high school entrance examination, I was inexplicably more disappointed. I'm not worried about whether I can get into high school, but I'm sad about our upcoming separation. I know, at that time, in my heart, I already had a feeling that I shouldn't have. ...
To our surprise, we were admitted to the same high school. However, not in the same class. The story I thought was over continues.
After the efforts of the first year of high school, I was admitted to the key class. There is no doubt that you are also in the key class. It's just that mine is a liberal arts class and yours is a science class.
One day in the winter vacation of Grade Two, we went to the movies together. It's very cold. You hold my hand and feel warm in your heart. In the cinema, we always put a lot of popcorn into each other's mouths when they are not looking. Looking at the happy big wolf, it seems that it is not in our time, and we laugh sweeter than the children next to us.
Senior three, with the same dream of going out of the province, we are working hard. At that time, you would come to my classroom every day and put down a bottle of Yakult and a piece of Dove chocolate. I will also put a pack of my favorite cookies in your hand. Many times, after school, you will come to my dormitory with me. At that time, we were really like lovers. Many people think that we will be together after graduation, including myself.
The results of the college entrance examination came out, and you did get in, but I have to stay in the province.
After graduation, we were not together. You said you couldn't get out of the shadow of the failure of your first love, and you said you didn't want to fall in love again. That night, I sat alone on the rooftop, looking at the starry sky, thinking about everything we had in the past four years. My face finally couldn't bear the weight of tears, which fell on my clothes and corroded my bare heart. Zhou, just like this name, your heart is like a bottomless universe, you can't touch it ... Then I bought a thick notebook, wrote a lot about us on it, and threw it to you.
University, you went to the far north alone, and we never met again.
Maybe college life is too rich. In just one year, you have been so deep in my heart, and my attachment to you has faded. At that time, the so-called heartache was forgotten. Time is really a good medicine.
I cried when I saw the girl we chased together in those years. A lot of * * * sounds, and those similar plots evoke buried memories. I haven't tasted Yakult since you left.
At that time, that person, that thing. Missed, left a faint mark in my heart, but did not lose its due value. Thank you for your touch, and thank you for the ripples in my heart.
Those, those lyrical prose 8 my 20xx, in the entanglement of those people and things with me, left in such a hurry. It's really people and things. I'm crazy about her ... I'll be in chaos if I don't clean up!
The winter of 2009 was very cold. From the beginning of the year to the end of the year, it has been very cold. For example, there is still the sun today. However, cold also has its advantages. At least I won't get into any trouble on impulse, and I can calm down occasionally and write something to commemorate it on New Year's Day. This is really important to me and I will never forget it. This is a dull and not dull year.
There are many people, some I love, some I don't like, some I hate and some who hate me.
There are many things, including my voluntary and involuntary expectations, unexpected expectations and fears.
Then all of them were mixed together, and my original white 20xx year was dyed into many colors.
In the winter of 20xx, I went to work when I should, and got off work when I should. Basically, I repeat the same thing every day. It's just that there are fewer and fewer people around me. Until the end, I don't want to leave the dormitory alone. If I am hungry, I will order a bibimbap to deal with it. I remember once I was depressed for several days because of the transfer of departments! Although I didn't reach the final result, at least I was relieved. I went to scold the supervisor and the foreman, which is a comfort to myself! At that time, my heart was actually flustered and practical.
In the spring of 20xx, high school students left Shanghai and went to Shenzhen. Actually, it's nothing. All things must come to an end, but my heart is still very sad. After all these years together. And after he left, my cousin and fellow villagers also went back to their hometown one after another, and there were not many left! When we are together, we always ramble and say something childish and ridiculous, but it has the power to soothe the soul at that time. They are all my favorite friends, so they are very warm.
In the summer of 20xx, my best cousin also left me, went back to his hometown, and then went to Guangdong. Almost all my remaining relatives here have left. Fortunately, my cousin's family is still here, at least there is a place to go for the New Year, but there is no scene where all relatives in Shanghai spend the New Year together in previous years. Watching them go home one by one, I suddenly felt an impulse from the corner of my eye. I can only watch them leave me silently, but there is nothing I can do! I feel very tired, helpless, full and guilty.
In 20xx, I won a "long-distance running" victory, a little comfort from my parents and a little hope for myself. I still believe in the path I have chosen, and then I have been going on, never confused and never stopped. Even if you are kneeling in difficulties, you should go on, because it is your choice.
In the autumn of 20xx, after my cousin left, I didn't want to live outside, because there was no one to talk and chat with me, so I lived in an apartment. I was not alone. At least there are so many brothers from all over the world together, so we can sit together to eat, drink and chat when we are free. It was also at this time that I got to know her from a stranger, and then I fell in love with her unconsciously. I like her signature action: meeting you is a faint smile.
I met her in the street in the winter of 20xx, smiled for 3 seconds, and then forgot. Go back and think slowly, in memory, I am still me, the most dreamy person; She is still her, just like the center of the stage. I still like her rationally, but when I talk about her with my playmates, I can say, "Her eyes are deep, her smile is beautiful, and there is a suffocating beauty."
In 20xx, I met many people, separated, reunited and separated again. After parting ways, I still keep the habit of contacting each other, as if I were still around each other.
My 20xx is similar to those things in my essays.
Here, I ended my 20xx, waiting for the people and things I was struggling with in 20xx.
Those, those lyric sketches, it's quiet and dark at night, and I feel a little choked up. It's the hardest to stop breathing when it's warm and cold. It used to be a good reason for insomnia, but now it's almost early summer, and I can't find a better reason for insomnia.
Lie in bed, close your eyes, open the old books of the years, and the past is like smoke, drifting away.
Simple as "three points and one line", simple high school life, although a bit boring, but now I think it feels very fulfilling. At six o'clock every morning, the pace is always running on the overpass. If you slow down a little, you will be in danger of being late. Every noon, I always change the way out of school, in order to wait at Xiaopang, and to get those chicken countries back to their hometown in Heilongjiang; There is always endless sleeping party every night, which makes us listless during the day. Sometimes we will be caught by the Three Gorges, but we will still enjoy it. There are always some people who have classes during the day and dream with books, but they are full of energy after class; During the day, some people secretly play ball with their teachers behind their backs and rush into the classroom to study by themselves with bread. During the day, there are always some girls who always shout at the top of their lungs after class. It really bothers people, but I can't hear it anymore. I also want to see the passion of teacher Fang in class; I also want to see the kitten's simple smile; I also want to attend Mr. Li Hongxiang's class. I also want to answer questions in teacher Dai Jianping's class; I also want to see how teacher Bao Zheng is angry. There are so many things worth remembering, but I can't remember them now. Perhaps it is hidden in a corner of my heart, there is no need to find it, leaving a little vague, so enjoy it lightly!
The years are always so hurried, which makes people feel a little sad. Looking back on my footprints, I find that I have come a long way. Inadvertently, I have been forgotten by the years in the corner that no one owns, playing alone and enjoying myself. I wonder if Sashido still has chicken leg noodles; I don't know if there are any "grass soles" in the store; I don't know if anyone is still trying to get out of school, and I don't know if anyone is still waiting for the badge on the overpass; I wonder if my brother who came out of school together is okay? I wonder if Lulu has grown taller. I don't know if Ku will be teased again. I don't know if Z- Yu will hold her breath. I didn't expect the old dog to be so muscular; I don't know if Aren is still so stupid; I don't know if Leiba basketball has made progress; I wonder if Lu Yulong has become handsome; I wonder if Lu Yajie is still pretending like that. I don't know whether Yuan is still so loud or whether Wu is still so awkward. I wonder if Liu Jiaqi will be considered a girl's name. I didn't know those girls were still working so hard; I don't know if the younger brother in the lower berth found a girlfriend and suddenly found himself ignorant. Inexplicable loneliness is more and more like a bottle of wine brewed in a hundred years, and I can't shake it. I shrugged, and my heart began to struggle.
Time has taken everything away, but I can't let it be free. I can't sleep on this lonely night. There is a lyric: I can't help crying when I am lonely. Maybe it's time to shed two tears to commemorate the past, but now I'm too numb to shed tears. I curled up peacefully under the bed like a fetus, motionless as death, and just wanted to go back to the past.
At that time, we were always in high spirits, talking and laughing in the same classroom, but now we have run over the glass fragments of the college entrance examination. After a blood shed, we live far apart.
Those lyrical sketches are 10 Fu Fei, a native of Shangrao, Jiangxi, and a member of the Chinese Writers Association. Because he lived in LAM Raymond as a child, I am familiar with most people and things written in his articles. He wrote these ordinary people and things and became a famous writer in Jiangxi Province. From Shangrao Daily, I know that Fu Fei's two essays have won Shangrao Literature and Art Award. So I asked him for a portrait of the starry sky and spent a few days reading it carefully. Through the text, I saw the course of a peasant teenager's difficult growth and success, and saw the traces of history running over a village. From his growth trajectory, I also saw my own growth footprint and returned to the road when I came. ...
When I was a child, I spent a lot of happy time at my grandmother's house. Grandma's home is in LAM Raymond, a small village around the North River that Fu Fei has repeatedly talked about. Described in Fu Fei's article: "One pulse is a good landscape, but it can only be used as a landscape." She silently raised generations of hardworking but still poor Lin Fengren with barren land.
In my young mind, LAM Raymond's grandmother's house is the happiest and warmest place in the world. There are my closest and favorite grandma, a large group of happy cousins and friends, and friendly neighbors who kindly call me "niece". While playing behind a group of cousins, I also saw the life of a village and the changes in the world.
The wall is covered with sketches of people and still life, and there is a self-dug hole under the house, which is warm in winter and cool in summer. He worked in the village supply and marketing cooperative. He was excellent and talented, but he ended up in prison for stealing transformers. After reading Fu Fei's book, I realized that he was unmarried and single, and was taken by his father to be punished for his brother who had a wife and children! Unbelievable!
The primary school teacher who has been pursuing love and ideals all his life, with the apple tree that he hoped to plant and did not believe in fate, finally bore fruit once; I have carefully observed that thin apple tree, because it was once my dream. When I first tasted delicious apples, I buried the core in the soil and waited for a whole spring but found nothing.
Together with the supply and marketing cooperatives, it became the shabby primary school in the most lively place in this village, and the first graduate student to go out from here; I still remember the local sensation caused by the first graduate student at that time. Even rural cadres came to congratulate me and saw photos of leaders and young handsome and somewhat humble graduate students.
An old earthen kiln hanging upside down like a big bowl of coarse porcelain on the roadside gave birth to five sons and an old couple who finally lived in the earthen kiln to bask in the sun. The abandoned tile kiln is next to the house. An old couple live here. There is a big hat on the chimney at the top of the kiln. Take off your hat with a bamboo pole on a sunny day, and the sun shines after projecting a light beam. When it rains at night, the hat is covered with bamboo poles, and all the food and drink are in the kiln. Five sons take turns delivering meals.
Located at the foot of the mountain, there are puddles that are busy grinding rice all day, and there are endless vast beaches and Woods beside the tributaries of the North River. The river is eroded every year, and a large area of fertile land has become the beach of the village on the other side, with dense forests growing on it, until finally a solid river bank is built with big stones and concrete, which has become a landscape of the village;
The reservoir hidden in the deep mountains that irrigated two-thirds of the farmland in the village, and the ravine where my dearest grandmother was buried. Grandma often counts how old I am when I graduate from college, how old I can work to earn money, and I have fulfilled my promise to sell her delicious food, but grandma can't wait for this day and survived those difficult years. ...
When we stand on a high place overlooking life, others are the scenery in our eyes; When we stumble all the way, we are also the scenery in the eyes of others; Everyone is going his own way, bitter or tired, sad or happy; For ordinary people living at the bottom of society, if you can't provide practical help, at least you don't need sympathy and blame. Recording the history of a village and the life of an ordinary person, "zero lyric" is the best understanding and respect for them. I quite agree with the expression of "zero-degree lyricism" and deeply understand a sentence: Dig deep from where you stand, and you will definitely find the source of life. This is my deepest feeling after reading this book!
Thank you! Fu Fei. When we move forward silently on our respective life paths, we may only leave others with lonely and diligent backs. When you finally get good grades, all I can do is to wish you well, that is, I said, "If you have a new book, please tell me and I will go to the bookstore to buy one." I just want to express my support and respect for you! "