Lord, what do you want me to do?

Finally, the semester is over and I should have a good rest at home. But I hurried home and left home in a hurry. To tell you the truth, I'm actually very sad. Although I am full of ambition every time I go home, I have to face the reality. On the surface, I am diligent and sensible. But in fact, I went out to look for a job. At first, I just wanted to earn some money to make the next semester more comfortable. Then I don't want to spend my parents' money all the time, because I have no formal job after studying theology and feel very sorry for my parents. Another important reason is that we can't face the disharmonious factors in our family. Because the atmosphere at home, as always, has not changed much in essence.

I sometimes feel that everyone is a believer and a close relative. Why can't you really love each other and accept each other? Maybe I am not qualified to judge my elders, because neither am I, but I really hope that the relationship between my family can be more harmonious and loving, and I can have a strong and beautiful witness in front of the world. Although the family is not rich enough, it is better than anything if relatives can unite in Jesus Christ, isn't it? But every time I go home, it seems that I seldom feel the warmth of my family.

Lord, I know my life is not rich enough. Because myself, I am actually a very proud and self-righteous person. Although I have received two years of theological training, I have indeed made some growth, changes and breakthroughs, but my life is still so young and ignorant.

what can I do? I hope the church in my hometown will be revived. I hope my family can unite. I want to be used by God.

Lord, I really experienced your love for me.

So I sometimes think, what kind of person am I to have the opportunity to know you? Who am I and what is my home? I have the opportunity to receive theological equipment, ready to serve you? Lord, I am willing to obey your touch and guidance to me. I am willing to live for you, I am willing to serve you and pray for the church and family.

I know you have your own call and plan in my life. But I am ashamed in my heart and want to give up many times. Because I really don't feel worthy! I admit that I love the world very much. Yes, I am a person who loves the world. My heart lacks confidence in God and love for the people around me.

But I know you won't allow me to give up either. Then, please help me. Tell me the latest situation. Change me.

If you don't change me, who will? Who can strengthen me if you don't strengthen me? If you don't need me, who can? I want to do it, but I'm afraid to do it. Because I feel I don't know anything, I don't know anything.

I seem to be an orphan, with no one to lead me and no one to work with me. For two years, I envy my classmates. They have the care and support of the church, but I seem to have nothing. As soon as they return to China, the church will have many opportunities to serve on the platform. But I seem to have nothing.

I know I shouldn't complain. Maybe this is how God shaped me. I need humility, humility, humility again!

Because I clearly understand that I am really lacking now. Since the time has not yet come, I need to continue to work hard. If I don't even have the heart to wait, then maybe I really am not qualified to serve God.

So, God, what do you want me to do?