Comment on my poems, whether good or bad, I can humbly ask.

Qin yuanchun? If it's lyrics, first of all, the number of words is too far apart. The changes are as follows (in order not to change the original text too much, we must first make the number of words appropriate, regardless of the level. If the author accepts it, let's say the last two songs):

Qinyuan is under spring.

Whirlwind kills people,

Enemy at the Gates,

Jin ge ma tie

Sigh that heroes grow old easily,

Fahua was born early;

Youth is fleeting,

All the flowers are gone.

The central plains competed for deer,

Yellow sand covered with blood,

Do you know who owns the world today?

In a drunken dream,

Watch the sunset,

Tears shed armor.

Sitting in armor day and night,

Swear before taxation.

But ambitious,

Give it a try;

Killing the king for the country,

Xiong Tu seeks hegemony.

People lost their homes,

Women and children are helpless,

Wandering from one place to another, looking at the horizon.

Life is bitter,

Look around,

Where is home?