During this period, a song became popular on Douyin:
I never wanted to be single, but I had a premonition that I would get married late. I'm waiting for the only soul in the world that matches.
This song made many people cry.
There is a line in "Glass Bottle":
"We are all born with only one half, and we walk around the world in order to find the other half. Some people are lucky enough to find it. And Some people have to look for it all their lives. I have to admit that it is difficult to encounter this, but many people are still stubborn and want to continue to wait. ”
I have always firmly believed that people should. Marry because of love.
And the best appearance of marriage should be like this:
You love someone, want to live with him for a long time, and are willing to bear the ups and downs with him, I want to face him with daily necessities. So, you built a home by your own strength, and with the crystallization of love, you will stay together for the rest of your life.
However, I don’t know since when, I discovered that marriage is no longer so pure.
Too many people regard marriage as a task that must be completed after reaching a certain age.
Because not getting married seems to have become an unspeakable behavior.
Parents will be unable to hold their heads high because their children are so old and not yet married, and we ourselves will be overwhelmed by pressure from all aspects.
As a result, many people compromise on this and no longer wait for the arrival of love. Instead, they accept blind dates and marry a similar person.
This kind of relationship is neither good nor bad, neither warm nor hot. It cannot be said to be love or not love. But this kind of relationship may cause many problems in our future marriage life.
When two people from different families suddenly have to live together, all details need to be reconciled, ranging from the style of house decoration to the color of bed sheets, which will cause conflicts and disputes.
At this time, love is needed to mediate. If you have a flash marriage and there is no emotional foundation at all, then greater conflicts will definitely break out.
As a result, you regretted your original choice and felt that you should not have ended your single life and entered marriage so hastily. But even so, you could not make up your mind to take the step of divorce.
Because you are afraid of the eyes of the secular public and the nagging of your parents, and you are afraid of facing the ridicule and the disappointment of your family.
Just like that, you decide to compromise and endure again.
However, please ask yourself, do we really need a marriage? Is a marriage, no matter how low-quality, better than being single?
Too many people have attached a noble label to marriage, but given an unbearable definition to singleness. Therefore, they have given too many young men and women wrong guidance, always making them feel that they would rather be together. Crying in a failed marriage will not make you laugh in a successful single.
But the result is to harm others and yourself, ruin your own life, and possibly bring endless pain to the next generation.
Between low-quality marriage and high-quality singleness, we all know which one is better and which one is worse, but why do so many people not know how to make the right choice?
I have a colleague, Sister Liu, who works hard at work and comes home on time after get off work. She is a typical good wife and mother.
When I first met her, I only knew that her husband was a taxi driver and they had a twelve-year-old daughter. The family was harmonious and happy.
After getting along for a while, I feel that Sister Liu is good at everything, but she has no sense of presence and is always indifferent.
Others ask her to play mahjong, but she doesn’t go; others ask her to go shopping, but she doesn’t go; others ask her to sing, but she doesn’t go; others ask her to go mountain climbing, but she still doesn’t go.
I think this person may be the kind of person who has no desires and no hobbies.
But one time, the unit organized a calligraphy training class and encouraged everyone to participate. I saw a light that I had never seen before in her eyes, which seemed to be envy, excitement, but also like It's timidity.
So I asked her: "Sister Liu, do you also like writing calligraphy?"
She smiled faintly: "No, just take a look!"
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I said again: "Go and learn if you like it, such a great opportunity!" She shook her head and said no more.
Then one day, when I went to work in the morning, I saw her eyes were a little swollen, as if she had cried, and I didn’t dare to ask what was wrong.
But she suddenly asked me: "Xiao Wang, do you know why I didn't sign up?"
"Ah?" I was a little stunned when she asked, and I thought about it for a moment. I understood that she was talking about the calligraphy training class some time ago. So she shook her head and said, "I don't know. Don't you like it very much?"
She smiled a little sadly: "How could I not like it? I like it very much. I have liked it since I was a child. I am not married. I kept writing when I was young, but then..."
As she said that, her tears flowed down. I panicked and quickly stood up and handed her a tissue at a loss.
It turns out that she came to work in this unit after graduating from college. Originally, her social circle was not large, and her personality was relatively introverted, so she was still unmarried at the age of twenty-seven.
At that time, it was considered strange for others to not be married at her age, so her parents hurriedly started to find someone for her and arranged a blind date.
Everything happened so naturally. Before she could understand this man's temperament, she had already put on her wedding dress and married him. The next year, their daughter was born.
Year after year, day after day.
During the long-term relationship, she discovered that this man had too many shortcomings:
He liked to drink, often cursed and even started to fight when he was drunk. He also likes to lie and has no ambition. After the original factory went bankrupt, she would only blame others every day. Sister Liu tried many ways to get him a taxi but failed to operate it well. She spent three days fishing and two days drying nets.
Such a man is still a typical male chauvinist and does not allow Sister Liu to have any disobedience to him. Even Sister Liu's favorite calligraphy is hated and despised by him.
One night a few years ago, Sister Liu was writing calligraphy in the house. He came back from outside after drinking. As soon as he entered the room and saw Sister Liu writing, he started to lose his temper:
"Ah? You still have free time to do these things. You are very leisurely! I was laid off, and you are in a good mood, right? Why doesn't your company close down? Why do people like you just take high-level jobs? The salary is so easy? You still want to have a hobby? Damn it!"
Just like that, he threw all Sister Liu's writing tools out of the window.
Sister Liu did not cry, but from that day on, she never touched a brush again. Even if the thought occasionally crossed her mind, she would just shake her head mockingly.
After hearing this, I was particularly surprised. With such a bastard man and such a marriage, Sister Liu has persisted for more than ten years?
I asked her: "Then why don't you get a divorce?"
Sister Liu looked up at me: "Divorce? What will happen to my daughter if I get divorced? What will others think of me? Huh? And at my age, can I find another one with a child? Even if I do, it won’t be better than this. Let’s just make do with it.”
I was attracted by her. He was speechless.
Even if it cost her all her dignity, she is not willing to give up this marriage. Even if it makes her bruised and bruised, she does not have the courage to return to a single life.
I don’t know if she is cowardly or brave, and I don’t know if she will feel scared when she thinks about the next few decades. But I feel that such a marriage is really not as good as being single.
At least as a single person, I can love what I love and hate what I hate. At least as a single person, I can have the basic freedom and dignity as a human being.
The purpose of finding a person you love and marrying is to have a place to shelter yourself from the wind and rain. But all the wind and rain you are enduring now are brought to you by this person. How do you feel about this? Is it really necessary to stay in marriage?
You said you can’t divorce for the sake of your children, but do you know? Living in a loveless family since childhood will make a child more insecure and more afraid of marriage, which will cause great harm to his life.
A low-quality marriage is not as good as a high-quality single. Instead of sinking into a marriage that is not suitable for you, you should keep turning around and go on well in your single years.
In this way, it may be the best result for yourself and your children.
I have a friend who was in a relationship for one year, married for three years, and has a one-and-a-half-year-old child. The marriage finally ended through court proceedings.
In fact, from the beginning of their relationship, the seeds of disharmony and instability have already sprouted. This man is both chauvinistic and selfish.
When friends go out together, he is always the first one to sit at the table;
When the food is served, he always picks up the chopsticks and eats it;
< p> When there was no water, I would only order my friend to pour it;When it was time to pay, my friend started playing with his mobile phone and was not allowed to take out his wallet.
In addition to these problems, this man is also extremely harsh on my friend:
She is not allowed to go out alone with friends, she is not allowed to go out with friends often, she is not allowed to attend gatherings of colleagues at work, and When you go out to socialize with clients, you are not allowed to buy expensive clothes, you are not allowed to buy gifts for your relatives, and you are not allowed to...
These many "no's" make me breathless, but this is not the most important thing. Terrible.
This man took away my friend’s bank card and said he was taking care of it because she spent too much and couldn’t save money. Moreover, she also forced her to stop her credit card and tell him if she wanted to buy anything, and he would buy it for her.
After listening to this, I felt horrified and had goosebumps all over my body. This is too scary, isn’t it? If you restrict and restrict each other before getting married, what kind of situation will you get after getting married?
But even so, my friend is still compromising because she is already twenty-nine years old this year, and because her parents have been saying that you should get married quickly, or you will not be able to have children.
It’s because friends and relatives around me are saying, great, don’t choose, your age can’t afford it, you might as well find another one like this!
It is these ridiculous arguments that make a girl jump into a pit of fire without hesitation even though she knows that there is a fire pit ahead. Our society really lacks some kindness towards single people.
In fact, no matter what age you reach, what will you do if you don’t get married?
I am single, but I live a happy life. I am single, but I live a fulfilling life. I am single, but I have been working hard to improve myself. I am single, but I am still looking forward to love. This way , is it really not possible?
Because I can’t imagine having to deal with daily necessities and daily chores with someone I don’t like at all, nor can I open my heart and share my joys, sorrows, and joys with someone who doesn’t love me.
If it is not the right person and what you get is not the best love, then I would rather not have it.
Just like Yi Shu said, I only have one life and cannot give generously to people I don’t love.
The days after a friend gets married are just like what we thought before, they are unhappy, unhappy, have no freedom, and are under a lot of pressure. We once felt that she had disappeared into the city, not contacting anyone, having no social interactions, and even posting less on WeChat Moments.
When we heard from her again, she said that she was getting divorced and moved out of that unhappy besieged city with her one-and-a-half-year-old son.
This time, there was still a lot of resistance, and there were still too many irrelevant people coming to tell her, "You can't get a divorce. What will happen to your children if you get divorced?" How are you going to find a child at your age?
But she has suffered losses, but she is very determined. If it is not suitable, it is not suitable. No matter what she has paid, it must be the stupidest thing to try to catch up with the rest of her life for what she has lost before.
The girl completely understood that a low-quality marriage is not as good as a high-quality single. Instead of torturing each other with this man in this marriage and letting the children live in such an environment where parents do not love each other since they were young, she should It's better to get out in time.
No matter when you wake up, it will never be too late, because if you leave the wrong person one minute earlier, you may meet the right person one minute earlier.
The girl said that even if she could never meet love again in this life, she still had to live a good life, because now, she could truly breathe freely instead of being so cautious every day.
I see her now, working hard and learning foreign languages. She said that she wants to create a perfect self and create a better life for herself and her children.
In fact, a high-quality life is not just financial prosperity, but behavioral freedom, spiritual satisfaction, emotional joy, and spiritual relaxation.
Lu Yu once said something like this:
"Two people living together is a way, and living alone is also a way. The life of two people is not the same. Better than one person, and one person’s life is not better than two people’s. It’s not a matter of who is better than who. I have always felt that not everyone is suitable for marriage.”
I am quite impressed by this statement. Deep, because this view is rarely heard.
What I have been told since I was a child is that you will definitely get married in the future, just like you will die one day.
Just like most parents have imagined the life trajectory of their children in the future, what job they will do, which city they will stay in, when they will get married, and when they will have children. Later, we gradually accepted the ideas of the outside world in such an environment, and when we reached the age of marriage, we got married.
In "Beijing Meets Seattle", Wen Jiajia, played by Tang Wei, also realized at the last moment that the marriage with Lao Liu was not what she wanted.
No matter how big a house Lao Liu allowed her to live in, how much money he gave her, or how many luxury bags he bought, her heart was empty and she had no sense of happiness.
So she left resolutely and left this loveless marriage.
She started working as a nutritionist and relied on her own abilities to give her son a good life. Only then did she feel at ease and happy.
She deserves better love, so she reunites with her lover Frank and finds their love.
That's it, let go of the wrong talent and meet the right one. Only by working hard to live the way you want in a high-quality single life can you meet a higher-quality marriage.
Regarding marriage, I hope that you will be an idealist, always maintain an almost paranoid persistence, and insist on believing that there will be a right person coming to you in your life.
Because if you just blindly pursue the steps of the public and enter an almost suitable marriage at a so-called right age, that is the biggest irresponsibility for yourself.
As for those wrong marriages that are a fait accompli, I also hope that you can be a decisive person and don’t tolerate it for anyone else. After all, this is your own life, and no one can really be responsible for you. .
Marriage requires accumulation and opportunity.
Opportunities are given to God, but accumulation depends on yourself. Being single is always the best period for you to increase your value. When you feel that you are not worthy of your ideal marriage, you might as well calm down and improve yourself.
Don’t rush into a marriage for any reason, and don’t sentence yourself to life imprisonment just because you entered a marriage. After all, a low-quality marriage will never be as good as a high-quality marriage. of single.
You don’t have to rush into marriage, let alone make do with each other. You can definitely find the meaning of your life in your single years, and then feel the true meaning of love in a marriage that suits you.