Literally, it's not bad
It should be a poem for my girlfriend.
This is quite good.
Your words have been made very clear, especially the last sentence is very good and beautiful.
If you have to say shortcomings, it is a bit long and not refined enough.
It should be compressed so that the highlights will stand out.
For example, the landlord has a good imagination and uses a lot of parallelism.
Every metaphor is good, but too many will make people feel monotonous and lengthy.
Just like pearls, they look beautiful when taken out, but they are not so beautiful when strung into a pearl necklace.
It should be better to change the sentence patterns more.
Anyway, it's already very good, hehe
advance ...
Go, angel in my heart.
Find your own paradise.
Your road will no longer be cold.
Your heart will no longer be lonely.
I want to invite spring instead of winter.
Let the wind bring my blessing.
Let Baiyun accompany you on your voyage.
Let the stars at night light up in front of you
I fell in love with the jasmine you walked through.
Fall in love with the stream that kisses your face.
When the world owns you.
I fell in love with life in this world.
If there ever comes a day when
You found your happiness.
Please tell me.
Because then I will be happy, too.
I will leave happily
Bring your smile.
Bring your eyes.
Take you in memory.
Let it be my most precious wealth.
Maybe after you leave
Maybe after you leave
I will stand on the road and forget the direction.
I can't see the pedestrians rushing by.
Because the familiar figure can no longer be met.
Where should the eyes stay?
Come to the place where we used to be together
I seem to see your smile.
It's just that there is no juice beside the coffee.
Light a cigarette
But one word is missing.
Reach out and hold only the air.
All I see in my eyes is tears.
A thousand words are in my heart.
Only the wind listens to my low story.
When it gets dark here.
There are also night elves in your sky.
Hehe, just change it casually, but it's not good. Please forgive me.
PS:
The landlord said he hoped to shine at the moment.
I think it may be difficult.
Because no matter how good the poem written by Huajian style is, it is also Huajian style.
No experience and realm improvement.
It should be difficult to simply change the text.
Or maybe I'm not knowledgeable enough.
Hmm. How interesting