Judging from your description, your mother is actually a very strong person. Seriously, she may have obsessive-compulsive disorder. To deal with a strong person, we must combine rigidity with softness, otherwise it will aggravate her compulsive tendency, so we should avoid it! Your father scolded her, your wife said he, and your persuasion made her think she was scolding her. This is obviously a strong confrontation between needle and wheat!
Say this in the future: praise her first, agree with what she has done, and then put forward your request euphemistically; For example, getting up early, if your father says, wife, you are really working too hard. With your efforts, our business will get better and better! However, children are still young and young people like to sleep, so let them sleep more and get things done. It is enough for the two of us to do things!
Respect and love your mother. Your mother is a coward. In particular, let your wife pay more attention to what she says. A woman may be indifferent to what her husband and children do, but she likes to find fault with other women, especially the mother-in-law relationship.
I wish your family an early realization of the ideal state of peace and filial piety.